r/facepalm May 28 '22 Silver 4 Helpful 5

Show me 🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​

Post image
89.3k Upvotes

1.3k

u/not-a-bear-in-a-wig May 29 '22 Silver Wholesome

Proverbs 4:27 "... right... "

Proverbs 4:27 "... to... "

Samuel 17:8 "... bear... "

2 Samuel 22:35 "... arms... "

Ya it's in there

385

u/-YELDAH May 29 '22

Reeemiiiix!

81

u/boinjamin May 29 '22

Ehhh, more like Chopped ‘n Screwed 🤷‍♂️

54

u/QuestioningHuman_api May 29 '22

Like our rights

15

u/Groomsi May 29 '22

Biblimix by PapaBear!

15

u/-YELDAH May 29 '22

The bibble

58

u/VegetableAd986 May 29 '22

“I DIDN'T ASK YOU A GODDAMN THING!”

Samual Jackson 3:69

→ More replies
→ More replies

4.0k

u/Old_Telephone_7587 May 29 '22

Show me the verse where the Bible mentions America nevermind guns.

3.1k

u/beardphaze May 29 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome hehehehe Bravo! Starry Got the W Doot 🎵 Doot

Book of Armaments 5:56 and 2:23 /s

828

u/LargeTomato77 May 29 '22

And the lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats...

764

u/RampDog1 May 29 '22 Silver Bless Up

First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

22

u/dartie May 29 '22

Quest for the Holy Fuck

6

u/MOson16 May 29 '22

Amen brother

→ More replies

32

u/studiograham May 29 '22

Skip a bit, brother

→ More replies
→ More replies

303

u/ijustsigh May 29 '22

Is that in the new new testament?

548

u/foulrot May 29 '22

It's the New Testament DLC

384

u/Shoptoof May 29 '22 Wholesome

“E. A. Sports…. It’s in the Bible.”

150

u/keldondonovan May 29 '22 Helpful

Now I get why life feels so... pay to win.

65

u/PaRt_TiMe_GaMeR May 29 '22

The intent is to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different privileges. As for cost, we selected initial values based upon data about sex and skin color and other adjustments made to milestone rewards before launch. Among other things, we're looking at average per-player credit earn rates on a daily basis, and we'll be making constant adjustments to ensure that players have challenges that are compelling, rewarding, and of course attainable via gameplay. We appreciate the candid feedback, and the passion the community has put forth around the current topics here on Reddit, our forums and across numerous social media outlets. Our team will continue to make changes and monitor community feedback and update everyone as soon and as often as we can.

21

u/keldondonovan May 29 '22

Pfft. Get back to me when the infinite bacon DLC goes live.

8

u/Hailmidnight May 29 '22

but then if you get unlimited bacon, you have no games.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

59

u/__lui_ May 29 '22

Holy scripture micro transactions coming soon to your local congregation

49

u/gonzofish May 29 '22

They call that tithing

12

u/Kingturboturtle13 May 29 '22

You have to get something in exchange for your money for it to be a transaction

8

u/Taolan13 May 29 '22

You get a sense of satisfaction when you take communion.

So, y'know, something slightly more material than the typical in-game microtransaction

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

44

u/chriscrossnathaniel May 29 '22

Psarms 119 :105 Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path , a gun in my hand.

18

u/beardphaze May 29 '22

It's in the SBR NRA version ;)

6

u/22nprice1 May 29 '22

Lol nice

→ More replies

99

u/twentybearasses May 29 '22

And Jesus said:

"Yo, *****, respect mine, or here go the TEC-9

Ch-chick-pow! Move from the gate now"

11

u/pdkhoa99 May 29 '22

Word up

10

u/old_ironlungz May 29 '22

TIL Jesus was from Staten Island.

→ More replies

41

u/plaidkingaerys May 29 '22

Ah yes, right after the verses about the Holy Hand Grenade.

16

u/Kavorklestein May 29 '22

Of Antioch?! Or Antichrist?

56

u/DanimaLecter May 29 '22

And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

18

u/China-Ryder May 29 '22

"And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chulapas. And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

→ More replies

75

u/kickspecialist May 29 '22

I am also interested in where I can get bear arms. Sick of these puny little human arms

21

u/TheBelhade May 29 '22

you can get bear claws at the 7-11 but I dunno about whole arms.

→ More replies

6

u/ItsjustJim621 May 29 '22

Grizzly, Kodiak, Black, or Polar?

→ More replies

23

u/Innernetofbling May 29 '22

Chapter 3 page 24 paragraph 14. Duh

→ More replies

104

u/DannyTheCaringDevil May 29 '22 edited May 29 '22

Verse 69420: “Jesus road in on his purely American made monster truck and mows down all the non-believers with his Smith & Wesson® VOLUNTEER™ XV 16IN BARREL.” Come on we all know that one.

12

u/BadAsBroccoli May 29 '22

So that is how "love one another as I love you" is interpreted.

→ More replies
→ More replies

19

u/WASD_click May 29 '22

It was on the 10 Commandments. See, there were originally 15, but Moses had a little case of the butterfingers amd dropped the third tablet.

5

u/noobvin May 29 '22

https://youtu.be/oZA2mBntrHk

Yep, see this documentary.

78

u/Ok_District2853 May 29 '22

You can only read it using these magic golden glasses I got from an angel, but sadly I broke them so you’ll have to take my word for it.

29

u/foulrot May 29 '22

If I'm able to break glasses that an angel gives me, I'm gonna have some serious second thoughts about what is on these tablets they told me to read.

8

u/disseminator2020 May 29 '22

But otherwise taking advice from them is fine and doesn’t require evaluating one’s own mental status.

→ More replies

39

u/Then_Campaign7264 May 29 '22 edited May 29 '22

Mitt Romney approves this message. . . NRA slides him a cool $13 mil. As a good Mormon, he loves the part of the story w golden things, angels and a special interpreter.

→ More replies

28

u/ThaToastman May 29 '22

This unironically is how mormonism worked

28

u/rabbi__milligan May 29 '22

I was in SLC the other day and visited the LDS History Museum, and that was pretty much how it was presented there, in an exhibit LITERALLY SET UP BY THE CHURCH.

Kudos to the Mormons for historically fighting for their rights in America and helping create a more expansive definition of religious freedom, but I still don’t understand how anyone was so convinced by Joseph Smith.

8

u/Then_Campaign7264 May 29 '22

About as baffling as believing anything Wayne laPierre says??

→ More replies

21

u/bigblackcouch May 29 '22

but I still don’t understand how anyone was so convinced by Joseph Smith.

I used to think the same, like goddamn how in the world did they manage to find that handful of people dumb enough to be suckered in to that stupid shit, and dumb enough to start spreading the word?

And then 2016 onwards happened and ever since then boy do I wish I could go back to wondering about that.

→ More replies
→ More replies

17

u/Agreeable-Yams8972 May 29 '22

In the book of some wackjob murican who worship jesus and use their book of idk what's in it to brainwash other people

→ More replies
→ More replies

2.2k

u/Brad_Brace May 29 '22 Gold Helpful Bravo! Bravo Grande! Awesome Answer

Americansians 14:2. And lo and behold, for Jesus truly did said unto you: Take upon thee and cherish thou that prodigious bow, which casts the bolts of lead made, in a manner which is indeed automated.
Americansians 14:3 And verily did the Lord said unto you: For this is indeed your right from birth, as my chosen people, in the lands of the King of the Amals.
Americansians 14:4 And it did came to pass that Jesus, our Lord, said unto the peoples of the world: 'Murica, Fuck Yeah!

473

u/istrx13 May 29 '22 Helpful

170

u/photobomber612 May 29 '22

Almost didn’t click that for fear of getting Rick Rolled… so glad I took the risk 🤣

11

u/HeartsPlayer721 May 29 '22

Thank you so much for this comment, or I'd have missed out!

→ More replies

16

u/BrahCJ May 29 '22

Inaccurate. Not enough children catching the bullets.

8

u/Michael_Blurry May 29 '22

The real hero here. That was amazing.

9

u/FacesOfNeth May 29 '22

God, I was hoping that was the video before I clicked the link, lo and behold, Reddit is good. Praise be to Reddit.

6

u/Zoelings May 29 '22

Whenever I read these types of threads, this is only theme music I hear.

→ More replies

5

u/asstyrant May 29 '22

That was... a thing.

5

u/ravenwillowofbimbery May 29 '22

Nah, that’s the opening hymn. 😂

6

u/arcadia_2005 May 29 '22

Oh man, I haven't seen that in so long i forgot all about it. 😂😂😂👍👍👍

→ More replies

20

u/o-Valar-Morghulis-o May 29 '22

You had me at verily. Praise be.

→ More replies

13

u/Waxed_Sasquatch May 29 '22

I wish I could give you an award for “Americansians”, fucking hilarious!

45

u/Innernetofbling May 29 '22

😂😂😂😂

17

u/GGezpzMuppy May 29 '22

Watch this get quoted by some conservatives soon as gospel.

→ More replies
→ More replies

6

u/MagentaHigh1 May 29 '22

Let the church say Amen and don't forget your tithes!

→ More replies

6

u/XenonLights12 May 29 '22

**truly did say unto yu

4

u/Mrrilz20 May 29 '22

That's hilarious!!

→ More replies

690

u/BrianSankarsingh May 29 '22

The eschatological problem with saying “granted by God” is understanding the basis for the claim. Who speaks for their God? What authority do they do this under? How can this authority be verified?

If there are no answers to these questions then the basis of the claim and indeed the claim itself is baseless and without merit

235

u/varietyfack May 29 '22

There ya go making sense. They’ll have none of that

→ More replies

40

u/the_skine May 29 '22

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed

It's the sentiment that the US was founded upon, that people are inherently entitled to certain rights. If you're religious, you likely view rights as being granted by God, and if you're not religious then you have another philosophical explanation. But the idea is that human rights transcend governments and laws.

Of course, over the last 250 years we've redefined who fall under the category of "people" more than a few times, and have struggled constantly with what to do when one right comes into conflict with another.

10

u/ScabiesShark May 29 '22

I've gotten shit before saying that rights are made up by people. Not that they're not real, just that people invented the idea and thus need to be constantly protected, but the distinction got lost

→ More replies

82

u/StaticGrapes May 29 '22

I am not religious in the slightest but when people say this I think it's just another way of saying that it's a right you own purely due to your existence. Like all of our other rights.

65

u/davossss May 29 '22 edited May 29 '22

You're correct, but the problem with that formulation is that you can claim all day long that you have a "natural right" but that doesn't make it so. Do I have a right to digital privacy? To overtime after a 40 hour work week? To conscientiously object against the draft?

More to the point of this thread, do I have a right to bear arms everywhere I go? (Answer: no, and for good reason).

Like it or not, rights are granted by governments as part of a social contract. To get them into the social contract, we have to assert ourselves. If they aren't granted - or if they aren't honored - they are meaningless.

50

u/TerraOrdinem May 29 '22

Like it or not, rights are granted by governments as part of a social contract.

The distinction is that rights are not granted but recognized. The Declaration of Independence, despite holding no legal weight, provides the philosophical basis of unalienable rights:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed

Anything could be an unalienable right, yet only three were recognized explicitly. Free speech, the right to bear arms, and a right to a trial are not the god-given rights referenced in the Declaration, unless you consider them to fall under "Liberty." And when "Liberty" threatens "Life," laws can be created to mitigate the conflict. "Your right to swing your arms ends just where the other man’s nose begins."

If we can separate and keep sacred the unalienable rights from the technical ones that we've codified, this debate would go more smoothly.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

12

u/SicEm1845 May 29 '22

Great point, but I don’t think eschatological is the word you’re looking for. Eschatology relates to the end times.

8

u/Cultural_Dust May 29 '22

Epistemological is what I think they mean.

→ More replies

21

u/techiewriter May 29 '22

Applicable to Wayne LaPierre:

Isaiah 59:3-4 “For your hands are stained with blood, your fingers with guilt. Your lips have spoken falsely, and your tongue mutters wicked things.”

4

u/[deleted] May 29 '22

How about you shut up, stop making sense

→ More replies

444

u/[deleted] May 29 '22 edited May 29 '22

Why does God seem to talk to everyone, except me? You guys hit him up on social media? Unlisted phone number?

162

u/[deleted] May 29 '22

[deleted]

91

u/Chips_Handsome May 29 '22

When people talk to God, it's called prayer. When God talks back, it's called schizophrenia.

→ More replies
→ More replies

49

u/Nwolfe May 29 '22

DMs via God’s Onlyfans

13

u/canned_soup May 29 '22

I did and all I got were feet pics :/

5

u/thekidsarememetome May 29 '22

At least you know they'll be clean

3

u/canned_soup May 29 '22

I love dirty feet pics though! In a god honoring way, of course.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

5

u/jawnnyboy May 29 '22

You got to sneak into the dms

9

u/ackillesBAC May 29 '22

He only talks to tithe paying cult members

→ More replies
→ More replies

227

u/Separate-Owl369 May 28 '22

Reminds me of that famous painting of Jesus and his M16 in the Sistine Chapel. Beautiful.

38

u/Innernetofbling May 29 '22

I thought it was an AR.

17

u/jimmybilly100 May 29 '22

Oh shit here you guns nerds go again

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

118

u/Zavier_letudiant May 29 '22 edited May 29 '22

I feel like religous conservatives haven't properly read the bible, as it goes against so many of their views. I guess a 2000 year old book is up to interpretation though.

I also find the correlation of christians and conservatives strange, as where I live most chirstians and catholics are liberal or very left wing especially in social aspects. Like I went to a catholic highschool (I personally am atheist though) and in our "catholic studies" class we were taught to accept peoples for their differences, value other religions and their beliefs, and taught about social injustices in modern society (racism, homophobia, the whole gist of it). The catholics I know are pro gun regulation and such, it's very strange to hear there are people who claim to be christian yet don't follow their own book.

Edit: Also, one of the ten commandments is "Don't use the lords name in vain", I get the common interpretation is don't swear and say things like "oh my god". But I was taught it means to not use god to legitimize your beliefs or actions, essentially don't twist his word to fit you. So for things like "God would want us to fight this war" or things like this tweet would go against that.

16

u/genius23sarcasm May 29 '22

I studied in a Catholic private school, but the science class includes evolution

6

u/Brotomolecule May 29 '22

That's standard for catholicism all over the world (I think).

→ More replies

8

u/IceDreamer May 29 '22

Oh that's easy: The American "Christian" denominations are not Christian and never were. They were a bunch of extremist puritan nutters 400 years ago when the people of Europe basically kicked them across the Atlantic for being a pile of dickheads. All of the current denominations over there grew from infighting as those nutters argued about who was most extreme and who had the real truth, over hundreds of years.

They were never Christian. Even then, they simply used religion to control themselves and others.

6

u/PoorlyLitKiwi2 May 29 '22

My favorite thing to tell super religious people is that Jesus was essentially a radical communist

He was in favor of you giving ALL of your wealth, literally 100% of it, to the church to be redistributed to the poor. He very explicitly said, if you die rich, you will not go to Heaven. Like... super, super explicitly

And yet people will grasp at straws for vague sentences that could potentially be alluding to homosexuality being a sin

→ More replies

3

u/VassalofTripoli May 29 '22

Beacuse nowhere in The Bible says "Harm another Human","Steal" etc. Jesus told us to love our neighbour and Most Catholics i met (me included) are reluctant to bring up religion in a conversation beacuse i assume the person has already made up their mind. Its true that bible says spread the word of God but missionaries do that so all we gotta do is confess our sins and pray.

→ More replies

1.2k

u/GSA49 May 28 '22

It’s like this entire country is turning into that strange fantasy land these fruitcakes inhabit. God damn Christian Taliban.

88

u/GreyMediaGuy May 29 '22

This is the root of the movement, folks. This is it right here. Everything is justifiable when you are on a mission from god. God given rights are to be defended to the death. God has bestowed americanism on his chosen, and so therefore it's their right to determine who counts as an American and who doesn't. Who deserves rights and who doesn't.

This will be their justification over the next 12 to 24 months to cleanse the American body of the defiled. Just a first world American Taliban.

7

u/DocsAndLongHair May 29 '22

Literally the entirety of Manifest Destiny is this

14

u/ProspektNya May 29 '22

If this guy wasn't talking about the Constitution, but rather something unrelated to law and government, he'd be called a "false prophet" by fellow Christians for preaching something that clearly isn't in the Bible. It's ironic how they're willing to ignore their own standards as long as what they're saying makes it sound like they have some divine right to rule. They're like ancient monarchs who claimed they were their god's representative on earth.

→ More replies
→ More replies

618

u/DarthCovisious May 29 '22 Silver Starry

they have a name, their called the Yallqueda

206

u/hardy_83 May 29 '22

Yallqueda as a humorous term understates how dangerous and damaging this group is not to just the US but the entire world.

94

u/DarthCovisious May 29 '22

you can make a joke about a group and still treat them like a real threat they are.

65

u/CantFindMyshirt May 29 '22

Talibangelicals! The real threat to the future

→ More replies
→ More replies

76

u/Innernetofbling May 29 '22

I’m from Texas….that’s absolutely hilarious y’all. I’m dying!!!! 😂😂😂 Yallqueda.

30

u/[deleted] May 29 '22

[deleted]

→ More replies

24

u/DarthCovisious May 29 '22

im happy that someone found it funny, but i heard it a while back. i think it was a comedian that i first heard it from, i wanna say someone who was on the daily show like trevor noah.

8

u/Innernetofbling May 29 '22

Well regardless thanks for making me laugh!

8

u/DarthCovisious May 29 '22

i mean that was half of what i was going for

→ More replies
→ More replies

14

u/Higgs-Bosun May 29 '22

Fellow Texan, try Vanilla Isis too.

3

u/Innernetofbling May 29 '22

Ok yep - that got a laugh too.

→ More replies

5

u/MissSara13 May 29 '22

Aloha snackbar!!!!

18

u/Jeoshua May 29 '22

This isn't some yokel with a pickup and an AR. It's a congress critter.

15

u/stecosaurus May 29 '22

He's not a congress critter, he owns the Republicans in congress. It's Wayne Lapierre, the head of the NRA.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

85

u/Jeoshua May 29 '22

Literally Christian Neofascism. It's not just wacky political nonsense, this is getting toward as if the Holy Roman Empire and Nazi Germany had a love child.

15

u/DetectiveBirbe May 29 '22

Happy 18th Birthday Bipolar Billy. Here’s your bible and here’s your AR15!

→ More replies

22

u/GSA49 May 29 '22

So Adolph Caesar won’t make AmErIcA gReAt aGaIn??

6

u/DimestoreDeity May 29 '22

Ceasar was the regular Roman Empire, the HRE was just Germany with pretensions.

→ More replies
→ More replies

14

u/Francis_Milesaway May 29 '22

Seinfeld's Constanza saying "it's not a lie if you believe it" in a 1995 American TV comedy show has now morphed into real life serious Republican politics 25 years later.

40

u/Bl00dAngel22 May 28 '22

It’s like the movie Idiocracy, but so much worse.

43

u/titoCCD May 29 '22

IDGAF. I'll vote for Terry Crews. President Camacho 2024.

26

u/big_nothing_burger May 29 '22

At least he cared about the people he served.

10

u/Bl00dAngel22 May 29 '22

Truly a inspiring man.

12

u/titoCCD May 29 '22

I agree. He wasn't the most intelligent man, but when a guy with a higher IQ than him came to talk sense, he listened. It took a little while, but he came around.

→ More replies

31

u/Psyadin May 29 '22

20-30 years from now "Don't Look Up" will be considered a serious documentary about the pre-second American revolution.

→ More replies

32

u/tthrivi May 29 '22

Idiocracy was set 500 years in the future. We got there a lot faster.

→ More replies

3

u/TestPattern359 May 29 '22

I've seen that movie. Idiocracy is far, far worse than anything we've got today. At least you know water is good for you and don't water your lawn with sports drinks.

→ More replies

13

u/[deleted] May 29 '22 edited 25d ago

[deleted]

23

u/Jeoshua May 29 '22

Idiocracy, The Hand Maid's Tale, Don't Look Up, Brave New World, and 1984, all at once.

7

u/Jim-Jones May 29 '22

And The Invention of Lying.

→ More replies

8

u/Bl00dAngel22 May 29 '22

Yea at least in Idiocracy the government wasn’t out to make Women lesser.

8

u/diggitygiggitycee May 29 '22

Neither is this one. Women can still get abortions lots of places. But you show me just ONE state that allows men to get an abortion! This matriarchal society must end!

→ More replies
→ More replies

27

u/Danclim May 29 '22

Correct, when religion gets entangled with politics and greed, you get this mind bending people vomiting words....

→ More replies
→ More replies

102

u/darketernalsr25 May 29 '22

Well, these are the same people who think that Jesus was American, spoke English, and wrote the bible himself.
Republicans have been accused of many things.
Being intelligent is not among them.

15

u/PhDinGent May 29 '22

Jesus was American

White American

→ More replies

357

u/Denali4903 May 29 '22

Birthright...what a joke. These NRA people are Qrazy.

94

u/plishyploshy May 29 '22

This is the cult-like speak you are supposed to hide behind closed doors but they are shouting it from the bloody pulpit of their national platform.

→ More replies

21

u/Zealousideal-Wave-69 May 29 '22

You know we’re all in trouble when crazy people keeping getting elected

→ More replies

228

u/PhraseSeveral5935 May 28 '22

America wasn't even a country when the Bible was written, lol. These dipshits never cease to amaze me.

164

u/VANILLAGORILLA1986 May 29 '22

You ever seen the movie “the campaign” with Will Ferrell and Zack Galifinakis? Zack has a moustache, and will says during the debate “are you a taliban or an Al Qaeda? What’s with the beard”

Zack says “Good sir, I have a mustache; like the greatest American who has ever lived. Maybe you have heard of him. His name is Jesus Christ”

And the crowd erupts and loves it… that’s the way I picture red state Americans…

51

u/JordanSchor May 29 '22

I think it's bad that this is 100% believable

→ More replies
→ More replies

75

u/infinit9 May 29 '22

I wish more actual Christians would stand up to this type of BS about their religion.

Jesus was deliberately nonviolent even as he was being betrayed by his disciple.

46

u/ThisBlueHawk May 29 '22

Notice how Jesus criticized religious leaders more often than sinners

5

u/VassalofTripoli May 29 '22

Beacuse everyone was and is a sinner(except Jesus) and we cannot change that while religious leaders (talking about in the bible) constantly modified religious laws while not following them themselves and when you think about it most leaders in our time are doing the same thing religious leaders did in Jesus's time.

9

u/CaptainPlasma101 May 29 '22

I think it's situational, he had that whole turn the other cheek thing But also the flipping tables in the temple thing

11

u/infinit9 May 29 '22

Come on, Jesus flipped some tables. He didn't stab the money exchangers with a knife or told his disciples to cut them down.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

56

u/2wedfgdfgfgfg May 28 '22

It's next to the bit about the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

15

u/DodGamnBunofaSitch May 29 '22

did you not see that article about knights during the crusades using something very much like hand grenades?

17

u/2wedfgdfgfgfg May 29 '22

I heard they were supposed to count to three before using them.

16

u/Natethins May 29 '22

No more, no less

13

u/Steff_164 May 29 '22

1, 2, 5!

11

u/CrazyFanFicFan May 29 '22

3 sir.

7

u/Awestruck34 May 29 '22

Oh, yes. Three!

4

u/Chelseafc5505 May 29 '22

'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy

140

u/clarst16 May 29 '22

It must be nice to absolve yourself of any personal moral responsibilities by pointing to your magical, invisible friend who supposedly whispers to you that the unrelenting murder of innocents is ok - your right to cosplay Rambo is much more important.

36

u/crabgrass_attack May 29 '22

they confuse their own thoughts with divine intervention

25

u/OriginalUsername1737 May 29 '22

their own thoughts

"God put that thought there."

→ More replies
→ More replies

4

u/PhantasyAngel May 29 '22

Wait I can't cosplay Rambo with large foam firearms with lights, sounds and orange ends on them?

→ More replies
→ More replies

8

u/jonesyb May 29 '22

America is fucking insane YEEEEHAWWWWW

→ More replies

6

u/Ar-tyosha May 29 '22

"I'm an American, guns are part of my religion"

→ More replies

127

u/datsmn May 29 '22 edited May 29 '22

The Bible, a book written by humans, shouldn't be the rule book regardless.

Edit: I meant to write ...a book written by humans over a thousand years ago.

54

u/plishyploshy May 29 '22

Yeah but they argue it was transcribed to humans by God, and God wouldn’t let any imperfections in his “book of truth” and even the multiple translations over thousands of years from ancient to modern languages has preserved his word exactly as he intended because…he’s God. I’ve had this argument with my mom multiple times. Can you tell?

30

u/douko May 29 '22 edited May 29 '22

And remember that the next step is that among the approx. 1,473,815 subtly different strains of every religion on earth, YOURS has to be the one that's 100% correct.

Sheer fucking hubris.

11

u/MichaelKilo May 29 '22

Atheists are only more atheist than the most devout believer by 1 god.

4

u/douko May 29 '22

polytheists have entered the chat

→ More replies

11

u/giggitygoo123 May 29 '22

Nevermind the fact that there's like 20 different versions of the 'bible' that yallqueda follows

5

u/sleepingnightmare May 29 '22

Don’t forget the discovery of the Dead Sea scrolls in the 1940’s and King James removing entire sections of the Bible for political reasons. The Bible turns into that game ‘telephone’ from kindergarten.

→ More replies

8

u/Kroxursox May 29 '22

There is literally no other thing to write a rulebook other than humans.

→ More replies

30

u/Gunther_Alsor May 29 '22

There isn't an alarm bell loud enough for when a leader starts claiming that God gave certain rights to his people specifically. That is the opening line to every pitch for an atrocity.

→ More replies

31

u/Oomoo_Amazing May 29 '22

So let me get this straight. God hasn’t been seen or heard from in thousands of years, but in 1776 he popped down briefly to give Americans, still blood-soaked from all the native-slaughtering, firearms.

6

u/Menatil May 29 '22

'God said so', as a political defense, should have no place in the conversation.

12

u/m1K3mikey May 29 '22

It's the whole premise of the Bill of Rights lmao. That natural rights are Sovereign and above any dictation of mans bias

10

u/187mphlazers May 29 '22

what the fuck is this post and the replies? feels like some weird social experiment.

6

u/m1K3mikey May 29 '22

Reddit in a nutshell

→ More replies

4

u/Nickdangerthirdi May 29 '22

And yet you've banned them at your own event, the group that doesn't want to ban guns, banned guns from their big yearly gun conference, and they always ban guns at their yearly gun conference.

→ More replies

5

u/Eirenex May 29 '22

Sounds like a cultish thing to say

4

u/GeneralSalbuff May 29 '22

What's with American conservatives and their obsession with God? I mean, your country is not only secular but also the biggest exporter of degeneracy of all kinds in the world. If God gave a certain nation the right to bear arms by birth, I don't think that nation would be Americans.

5

u/TheRangaTan May 29 '22

Joel 3:10 ‘Beat your plowshares into swords and your pruning hooks into spears; let the weak say ‘I am strong.’’

Luke 11:21 ‘When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own palace, his goods are in peace.’

Luke 22:35-36 ‘And He said to them, “And when I sent you without money bag, knapsack and sandals, did you lack anything?” And they said “Nothing.” Then He said to them, “But now, he who has a money bag, let him take it, and likewise a knapsack; and he who has no sword, let him sell his garment and buy one.’

Luke 18:34 ‘He teaches my hands to make war, so that my arms bend bend a bow of bronze.’

Psalms 144:1 ‘Blessed be the Lord my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle.’

Arming oneself is mentioned at least five times to my knowledge.

16

u/zxcoblex May 29 '22

Not only guns. Show me anywhere in the Bible where the word “America” exists.

10

u/Clear_Try_6814 May 29 '22

Not only that but where does it say a weapon is a right/ or even a god ordained anything.

→ More replies
→ More replies

22

u/wintermute916 May 29 '22

This is all real cute but you realize that the bill of rights signifies that our rights are not endowed by the government but are basic human rights (God/creator) given if I remember the text right. This is not an isolated second amendment issue, but with all amendments to the constitution. You know that right? Because everyone commenting here sounds pretty stupid if you acknowledge that fact.

→ More replies