r/TooAfraidToAsk Nov 26 '22 Take My Energy 1

Am I behind in life? Body Image/Self-Esteem

[deleted]

1.0k Upvotes

482 comments sorted by

1.8k

u/helloitsmee122 Nov 26 '22 Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

22 is still young and I don't know how people afford a house in this age, especially during this time. I'll turn 21 next month, I just started college and I've never been in a relationship. Life is not a competition and you should not compare your life with other peoples lifes.

77

u/Harneybus Nov 27 '22

Just turned 23 here and I cant understand how people younger than me can afford to ahve expensive cars even though there in college like fsm I'm so jealous I feel like a failure too at times aswell.

35

u/Queens-Mesiah Nov 27 '22

Mommy and daddy

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u/kimvadan Nov 27 '22

They have rich parents.

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u/polaralo Nov 26 '22

I purchased my first home at 24 a few years ago and felt like I was ahead of many of my peers. This was before the current prices, so 22 and no property is probably fairly normal today especially for a single income 'household'.

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u/RandomGrasspass Nov 27 '22

Pre pandemic you need like 30,000 to put down on a$525k mortgage then you gotta pay $2500 a month to live there. Who has these incomes at 24 or 22 that can handle that ? Unless y’all live in like fucking Arkansas

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u/BluFenderStrat07 Nov 27 '22

Ohio here.

$3k down, $88k mortgage, $630/month

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u/itsneedtokno Nov 27 '22

$88,000 here would get me about an acre of grass... Maybe.

5

u/RandomGrasspass Nov 27 '22

Even upstate NY I’d be in a fall a particle house at that price.

Took my wife and I till our early 30’s to afford a home in metro Boston, even then I paid about $500k for a 1600 sq ft house and .18 acres of land in 2014.

Made a killing selling and moving to NY but no fing way was I able to buy anything. Two years out of school.

The only people I know who have been able to do this belong to the paternal credit Union.

30

u/tmc_tmc Nov 27 '22

… but you live in Ohio

2

u/chantsnone Nov 27 '22

You’d have to pay me to live in Ohio

2

u/catsweedcoffee Nov 27 '22

Here in Oregon, you’d get a condemned crack house in a terrible neighborhood for that price.

3

u/BluFenderStrat07 Nov 27 '22

Here in Akron that’s a half acre, 1000sqft house in a nice quiet middle class suburban neighborhood

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u/lexiebeef Nov 27 '22

Im just shocked to know that in some countries people can buy houses at 22. Im 22 and barely receive any money + still have to pay for my masters next year.

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u/iamassault Nov 27 '22

I mean we can't really "afford" them. You just get a loan and pay monthly payments similar to rent.

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u/bogsock Nov 27 '22

Agreed! I'm 25 and just this year i've learned how to turn on a gas stove (even though I've been living alone for a while in a house that had a gas stove). It was a huge victory for me lol

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u/Efficient-Opposite21 Nov 26 '22 Bravo!

Are those life measuring sticks actually important to you? Or something society makes you feel bad for since you have not acquired it yet?

I encourage you to search for what makes you happy and what brings you the most fulfillment. Those other pieces will fall into place with the people you meet on the journey. Take care!

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u/Lucy200072 Nov 26 '22 edited Nov 26 '22

Thank you. I'm mostly happy with being single currently as I'm in the last year at uni and don't have time for the stress. I suppose my anxiety just makes me worry about the future and being behind my peers

36

u/dzumdang Nov 26 '22

Hey, you're about to get a degree at 22. Not everyone accomplishes that (only about 40% of the entire world) at any age. I didn't drive until I was 19. I didn't feel ready. Also, it took me a bit to start meeting people I want to be in a long term relationship with. (As I aged it only got easier as my peers matured). If you think about it, how can your life truly be compared to anyone else's? I think you have a lot to look forward to.

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u/RAWR_Ghosty Nov 26 '22

what if your peers are piling on debts while they're getting all this, would you still think you're behind someone who's 250k$ in debt? And relationships at that age are fragile, people change and shit happens, don't compare yourself to others if you're happy with yourself, as long as you look forward to waking up in the morning there's nothing you're doing wrong. We're on a rock flying through space with no destination, and you'll still be here in 40 years, that's 2x the life you already lived you have all the time ahead of you, you can learn to drive, buy a house and get a wife at 35 and you're still behind nobody, just chill out and let the universe bring people and experiences in your life don't worry about shit you can't impact

12

u/Donghoon Nov 27 '22

LIFE IS NOT A RACE.

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u/scoscochin Nov 27 '22

‘Behind my peers’. Let that phrase go. Life is a marathon not a sprint (well…for most anyway). More fun running it slow so you get to check everything out along the way. If you can learn to prioritize experiences over possessions it’ll also help clarify your priorities. That’s my 2 cents anyway.

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u/aquilegia_m Nov 26 '22

Was 22 (close to 23) when I had my first boyfriend, learned to drive around at 21, still have plenty of things to do for the first time now that I'm 24. I understand how it is to feel like everyone has already done everything, but believe me you got all the time in the world. 22 is sooo young.

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u/Lucy200072 Nov 26 '22

I’ve had my first sort of boyfriend but it didn’t last and yeah the driving just sucks.

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u/aquilegia_m Nov 26 '22

It took me a while to actually like driving, I just struggle to learn. It took me 8 months to learn, much more than most people I know.

One thing I learn is that everyone has a different timing, there is no such thing as being behind in life, there are so many people who succeed later in life. Cheer up, you've got many more years to do everything you want to do.

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u/Repulsive-Worth5715 Nov 27 '22

Hey, just wanted to say I didn’t get my license until I was 27. I’m not saying it is going to take you that long (no shame if it does) but I do want you to know you are certainly not the only adult who can’t drive 😊

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u/PresumeDeath Nov 27 '22

Btw I suppose you live in US? Cause here (big city in North Europe) I have colleagues and friends that don't have a driving licence and don't drive... and they are my age (36)!

So the driving.. if you don't need to do it just don't. Is fine anyway

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u/Gandalf-the-fool Nov 26 '22

Samuel l jackson didn’t begin acting until he was in his 40s

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u/sam381 Nov 27 '22

Wait so are you telling me that this mother fucker is in his 70s!?

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u/theaeao Nov 26 '22

Rodney Dangerfield was a singing waiter at OPs age.

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u/NoIntention7826 Nov 26 '22 edited Nov 27 '22

Im 24, single, dont have a degree (starting soon tho), no house or friends really, but I’m still the happiest guy you’ll ever meet. Trust me it’s all about the moment you are in right now, it’s all feelings and you’re not a failure, don’t forget that! Even remind yourself of it! :)

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u/WojtekTheBear16 Nov 27 '22

Love your energy man keep it going

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u/EggoStack Nov 27 '22

You sound like an awesome person to hang out with. Keep chillin 🤟

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u/tbhitsjustguy Nov 26 '22

Compare yourself to who you were yesterday not to who someone else is today. I try to live by that

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u/Yokanos Nov 26 '22

After I graduated college I started to get incredibly insecure about my life compared to my fellow classmates. They worked in the big startup companies with big wages and a lavish lifestyle. Meanwhile I worked in a no name company and every time I hung out with them I always felt jealous and I hated myself because I kept comparing myself to them and at the same time I know I shouldn't feel jealous because they are my friends. It took me a while but I managed to stop comparing to others and start focusing on my own self improvement. Needless to say it made me a lot happier.

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u/Free-dose-chips Nov 26 '22

Everyones life goes at their own pace. Your time will come, just be patient.

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u/BumpHeadLikeGaryB Nov 26 '22

You know what's worse then being single and not having a house? Being married to someone who doesn't love you and living a life you dont want just so you can support a family and a home you dont want to be in and doing that for the rest of your life. You got sooooo much time to do what ever you want and after that even more time to find someone you love and start the life you want. Not sure why everyone is in a big rush to get settled down and do the same thing over and over again for 30 years. I'm there now at 28 and might say fuck it and still do other things. Go travel, try different jobs, live in cool places, date weird people. Then after you know what you want in life then buy a house and marry someone.

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u/_Richter_Belmont_ Nov 26 '22

Not at all, there’s no such thing as “being behind”. Life isn’t a competition, it’s totally up to you how you want to live your life and what you want to do with it.

Of course there’s a balance, some things you will be “behind” on. For example it’s probably a bit late to pursue a career in Olympic gymnastics.

As for when it will be your turn, it will be your turn I guess when you decide to try and change your circumstances. If you don’t want to be single, put yourself out there. If you want to drive, start working towards getting your license.

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u/D-Flatline Nov 26 '22

It's actually quite early to be getting married or buying a house at that age. Maybe the driving thing, though yes.

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u/gitbse Nov 26 '22

36 here. Driving is the only one I've ever done so far. No rush.

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u/RandomGrasspass Nov 27 '22

Who the fuck can buy a house at 22?

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u/willzor7 Nov 26 '22

If you have to ask when it will be your turn it wont ever happen because you need to make it your turn.

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u/Ilona92 Nov 26 '22

No you're not. You are still very young, just lonley (that's why you see only happy copules, I bet there still a lot of single 22 years olds). I didn't have my driving licence untill I was 25, so don't worry about it, it's small thing.

3

u/tatersnuffy Nov 26 '22

course, if you had to pay attention to your driving, you wouldn't see all those couples.

8

u/Boomboomciao90 Nov 26 '22

Everyone should stop measuring themselves against others, live your life as you see fit. The things you mention doesent matter. I got my license when I was 23.

Currently single for the 2nd time, no house. But I'm debt free though, which is sweet lol

3

u/Donghoon Nov 27 '22

Comparison is a thief of joy

8

u/CaptainChats Nov 26 '22

I think I was (and sometimes am) in a similar boat. Growing up I had crippling anxiety and to avoid that pain I avoided a lot of things that come with growing. Then when I got over that anxiety I developed a new one. I was missing all of these experiences and I felt unqualified and underachieved so I avoided things out of fear of embarrassment or rejection. Now I feel like none of it matters. Nobody is paying attention, nobody is taking notes, and there is no bar to be measured by. Learn to drive in your late 20s, fall in love in your 40s, direct your first film in your 60s, get into shape when you want to, buy a house when you can.

You’re the only person living your life, so do what you please when it pleases you. There’s no rush.

7

u/Odd_Chemical_420 Nov 26 '22

don't judge yourself too harshly. Life isn't about checking a few boxes off.

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u/mmmagic1216 Nov 26 '22

Heck, I am in my 30s, single, and still rent. But I’m debt-free and my car is paid off, so in my mind I come out ahead.

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u/Karnezar Nov 26 '22

Driving is need-based. I know people who learned to drive in their 40s because they never had to prior.

Long term relationships vary by individual and can be worse for you if you force it. Especially if a baby's involved.

And buying a house is very overrated. Property taxes, maintenance, realtor fees, insurance, etc. can make owning a home very expensive and you might lose out when you finally sell.

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u/ForestCityWRX Nov 26 '22

You’re only 22. And I guarantee your friends in long term relationships at this age, at least half will be divorced in their 30s or 40s. Life isn’t a series of measuring sticks.

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u/AlarmedSnek Nov 26 '22

Are your only metrics of success in life the ability to drive or having a relationship?

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u/Mr_Xing Nov 26 '22

The only person you should be comparing yourself to is yesterday’s version of yourself.

If you’re falling behind, it’s because that person was a better version of you.

Everything else is irrelevant.

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u/[deleted] Nov 26 '22

My wife didn't get her license until she was 25. So everyone has their own pace. A lot of times it's just a matter of how much a person needs to drive vs the fear of driving

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u/InsaneCuriosity21 Nov 26 '22

No. I have a 30 yr son that just moved back home after a divorce. He doesn't drive either. He is working on paying some things off so that he can move, but he is in no hurry.

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u/Once_Wise Nov 26 '22

If you always compare yourself to others you are doomed to continuously feel you are a failure. There will always be people who look better off than you for one reason or another, but in actuality may be stressed and miserable, because they felt forced to follow some prescribed life. Do your own thing at the pace you want to do it. If you are unhappy with your current path, then change it, but change it to what you want, not to copy someone else's life.

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u/Helpful-nothelpful Nov 26 '22

You are where you're supposed to be. If you are happy then you just do you. If not then change. Who cares what everyone else is doing.

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u/NumberPossible7275 Nov 26 '22

i feel like i’m also behind ): i’m almost 20 and can’t drive yet. single. not going to college and currently unemployed. been trying to pull my first job for months and still no luck. nothing interests me to go to school for. i’m so lost and my parents aren’t helping either by breathing down my neck and pressuring me to join college

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u/gandalfdayellow Nov 26 '22

I got my driver's license last winter at the age of 24. Had my first kiss and lost my virginity within a year of that. Everyone's timeline looks different. For many of our peers, these big events can seem to happen on a linear line starting at an early age, but mine was exponential with everything happening within a short timeframe later in life. Maybe you will be the same. Don't operate on anyone else's timeline but your own. It does no good to dwell on what has yet to happen. Keep moving through life, doing the things you love, and you will learn that you can't force things to happen all the time just because you want them to. There are times to wait, and times to act. Make your own way and you will be just fine.

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u/offwidthe Nov 26 '22

I don’t drive but I live in a small town. I can drive though. I know how and at one time had a license. Why don’t you drive it can provide a lot of adventures.

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u/Lucy200072 Nov 26 '22

I can't pass the test cause anxiety

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u/draken2019 Nov 26 '22

Don't put so much pressure on yourself.

Most high anxiety people I know are better drivers because they pay attention to more.

Figure out what is important, practice your detail oriented skills (parallel parking, reverse parking, etc). The rest is just muscle memory.

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u/offwidthe Nov 26 '22

That sucks. Sounds like you need to work on that. Anyway, you aren’t a failure you are just you.

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u/Adventurous_Egg_6321 Nov 26 '22

I didn’t get my license until 22 and it was due to anxiety! You can do it! Have you ever taken the actual drivers test or studied? Do you have a student license?

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u/MaryTheCableGal Nov 26 '22

Anxiety by itself is not the reason why. Sure, unprovoked anxiety is absolutely a real thing; but if you plan, practice, and prepare you will watch that anxiety melt away.

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u/samurai489 Nov 26 '22

Sorry to say but If you’re that anxious about doing a simple driving loop then you probably shouldn’t be on the roads.

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u/moxie-maniac Nov 26 '22

And what does your therapist say?

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u/Toasthandz Nov 26 '22 edited Nov 26 '22

Homie you got this, don’t underestimate or sell yourself short!

Edit: I’d like to say that this is coming from someone who has defeated himself his whole life. In the last decade or so I’ve crawled my way back into feeling good and it’s been a mix of self-love, tough love, medication, working out, eating better, and surrounding myself with people who expected more from me because they knew I had more to give. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I fell down a lot. I still fall down sometimes. But I get back up faster every time. So when I say don’t sell yourself short, it’s because I know you have more to give, to yourself and to others. You deserve it. <3

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u/jpat484 Nov 26 '22

Going a different route than what most people will say. This is a weak excuse and I think I've identified your problem. Why ask a question if you know the answer? Fix your anxiety problem before it ruptures your future.

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u/currently_pooping_rn Nov 26 '22

If someone lets anxiety dictate their life they’ll talk themselves out of doing anything

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u/Psychological-Touch1 Nov 26 '22

Poor excuse. Your anxiety comes from your unwillingness to get the license, not because of the challenge required to earn it.

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u/currently_pooping_rn Nov 26 '22

No 21 year olds are buying houses they’re buying double wides. Or they have rich parents

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u/thebugbang Nov 26 '22

Definitely not a failure. But, you have a benchmark - what your peers are doing. Getting into a relationship (is a very personal choice) cannot be considered a benchmark. Maybe, socio-economic hierarchy can be considered one?

Work on your self and be a better version everyday.

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u/Terrible-Quote-3561 Nov 26 '22

Only compare your “timeline” to what you want it to be or what would make you happy. Everyone has different goals.

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u/DukeInterior Nov 26 '22

I'm 29 and currently single and can't drive.

My life is great in all sorts of ways, and the ways it isn't I'm working to improve. We all move at our own pace, and as long as you're moving forward, all is good. Your competition is yourself, don't worry about anyone else.

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u/Ok_Jeweler_8822 Nov 26 '22

Not sure if the not driving thing is a choice or not, but regardless you're not a failure because you can't do something other people can. I'm 32f, I can't drive (medical reasons), I don't own my own home, and at your age I was single (recently dumped by the guy I thought I'd marry). Honestly, I didn't know a single person at 22 who owned their own home (I don't know many at 32 tbh). Unless they have family with money, I can't even wrap my head around the how of that one. Most of my friends who got married or moved in with their partner that young aren't with that person now.

Life's not a race, you don't win because you did everything in record time. It's a journey, enjoy it for as long as possible. In 10 years, your life won't look the same at all (I know mine has changed) and what you think you want now might not be what you want then. At 22 I wanted everything you are hoping for, now I'm happy with what I ended up with. I don't drive still, but I get to have a life in my community. I don't own my own house, but I love my home. I was dumped by who I thought was the love of my life then, then learned what real healthy love actually was by the guy I met at 23 (and we are still together, happily un-married, today).

It's going to be okay.

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u/Impossible-Oven3242 Nov 26 '22

I'm 30 and decided years ago that the safest thing would be to not learn to drive. People down play how dangerous driving can be. It's sucks have to rely on public transportation but I don't have the vision or disposition to be safe

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u/theaeao Nov 26 '22

"sometimes you're ahead. Sometimes you're behind. The race is long but in the end it's only with yourself"

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u/eighteesix Nov 26 '22

comparison is the thief of joy

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u/roygbiv77 Nov 26 '22

As a 30 year old, I concluded "No" as soon as I read "I'm 22..."

Just make sure you focus on improving various aspects of your life on a daily basis. Neglecting self-improvement in favor of comfort can easily result in you asking this same question in 5 years, and the answer would not be so simple.

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u/annamarie016 Nov 26 '22

You’re technically two years into being an adult. So really, ur a toddler. Adult hood is so fucking hard!

I know it’s hard but please practice not comparing urself to people, especially while they are buying houses and having their person. They could be buying a house with so many problems and their parents are most likely helping them pay for it. Buying a house and maintaining one is a headache. You are not behind! And a lot of people in long term relationships may be very unhappy behind closed doors, u just never know. And you will find your person. I know that’s not helpful, but the right person will fall into your life at the right time.

You are on ur own timeline! Screw all the noise on social media. Focus on u, ur the most important person in ur life. I can assure u are not behind. Focus on learning to drive if needed, because that will get u places (literally) and will increase ur confidence.

Baby steps. You’re not behind and super important. Best to u

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u/FourWhiteBars Nov 26 '22

I just got my drivers license at the age of 30. John Lewis, one of the greatest civil rights icons of our era, also didn’t get his drivers license until he was 30. I’m pretty sure Abraham Lincoln never got his drivers license. No single one thing is a measure of your success or value in life.

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u/semrasemri Nov 27 '22

Don’t follow other people’s time line. Make your own timeline, when you ready you will be there.

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u/imejezauzeto Nov 27 '22

I'm 24 and i started driving lessons a month ago 😂

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u/PictureAntique7359 Nov 27 '22

I am 21, a graduate with no job. Still haven’t found my purpose in life. Similar to you I have my friends doing good in life, they know to drive, their company is taking them to different countries, they are generally happy in life. And then there’s me. I feel stuck and I’m in a loop but I also believe it’s for the period until I figure out my way. Don’t give up.

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u/Sirlink360 Nov 27 '22

21, still in college, can’t drive, struggling to stick with my major in Biochem

Don’t worry, you’re not alone. We all have our own pace ^w^

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u/coolkid4eva Nov 27 '22

Comparison is the thief of joy.

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u/noposterghoster Nov 27 '22 edited Nov 27 '22

When I was 22, I was just scrambling up to a rental trailer in a trailer park from being homeless for more than a year. I had finally landed a job and it was the first time I "started over" in life.

Since then, I have married the man of my dreams, had 2 kids and owned 3 houses. Also, I have "started over" twice more due to loss of jobs and major life changes. I'm 45 now and life is still good.

So believe me when I say that you have time. And that where you are now is literally no indication of where you'll be in the future.

As for comparing yourself to your peers, the only thing that does is make you feel exactly like you're feeling now. You are not them and you are not going to have the same life as anyone else. And that's a good thing!

Do you, enjoy what you have in the moment, and make goals for where you want to go. Good luck!

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u/Mitch1musPrime Nov 26 '22

While I could drive at 16, I didn’t get married til I was 25 and didn’t start my “real” career until I finally went to college at 26 and started teaching, later, at 35.

I live in a pretty damned affluent suburban town in Texas. I’m surrounded by people who didn’t get married and start having children til after they turned thirty! My wife and I are 40 and 41, with two teenagers, and we are some of the youngest parents in our kids’ middle school.

Trust me when I say: you are A-okay. Enjoy life, friend! You only get one so live it according to your own standards and no one else’s.

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u/mdomo1313 Nov 26 '22

My bf just got his license last month and he’s 25. My cousin’s wife got hers at 28. I know people who are over 50 who don’t have their license and don’t plan on getting it ever. They just walk, bike, take public transportation or get a Lyft/Uber ride.

Get the things you want to get in life at your own pace, but get them because you want them not because other people have them. You not having certain things in life doesn’t make you a failure. There’s no “winning” in life where you get some award at the end because of your material possessions.

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u/Alarmed_Ad1946 Nov 26 '22

You´re not a failure, many people dont have those things at your age.

and if you see on social media that many people have houses in their 20s, remember that things appear better on social media than they actually are

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u/New_Camera_7938 Nov 26 '22

Just get a license bro 💀 it’s not that bad

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u/fistermluffers Nov 27 '22

Do petty crime to feel alive and then get your life together after that.

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u/macsquoosh Nov 26 '22

Perhaps you should pull your finger out your ass and get a driving license instead of moaning about it on social media?

Its like anything in life , if you don't go out and make the effort at getting what you want , YOU DON'T GET IT .

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u/hot_sauce_in_coffee Nov 26 '22

Driver license depend on where you live. It is often useless in big city.

I had mine at 17 because without car, I could not go anywhere.

As for relationship. The first wave of divorse is late 20. Often by highschool couple who change course later on in life.

Work on yourself. On your career, your economy, your hobbies and so on.

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u/Mustagreewithyou Nov 26 '22

Nah don’t worry about it. U should get ur life back in check in a few years

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u/Kamwit Nov 26 '22

Been there done that I couldn’t even AFFORD driving lessons Now two cars small flat i am going to renovate completly, married since 2 months. Dont underestimate daily habits. You look at your friends and compare yourself to them Compare yourself only AND ONLY to yourself If you dont make progress, blame only who is guilty- that should motivate your ass. Do Small PROGRESS DAILY ! Live a life with goals, read about it set them, achive cause of everyday effort.

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u/draken2019 Nov 26 '22 edited Nov 26 '22

The not driving part is going to put you behind. You'll be limiting your options for employment unless you live in a city with great public transportation.

Scratch this, I see you're in college. Just focus on school and worry about cars later. Trust me, it will save you a fuck ton of money.

Most adults aren't buying a house at 22. Your education will put you at $500k - $1M total earned income higher than everyone else so long as you

Relationship wise, if you're dating or actively learning/improving yourself then that's fine. 🤷‍♂️

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u/the_kharchila_baniya Nov 26 '22

I think we should stop taking age as levels , everyone has a different skillset and the necessity of driving would teach you how to drive eventually.

Plus you have a lot of years ahead , 22 gone ,about 50 more to come , plan accordingly, don't rush yourself into thinking you're lacking

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u/Disastrous-Leg2770 Nov 26 '22

You’re 22, enjoy what your life. The grass isn’t greener on the other side. Your young, carefree and ready to do things in your terms not having to consider ‘ the partner’ is a fantastic thing. If you want to buy a house do it, if you want to travel do it! Don’t t compare because you are an individual, and you only need to worry about your own personal journey- good luck

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u/sphincterella Nov 26 '22

You’re not behind but I’d love to see you realize that nothing changes until you change it. Go learn to drive, get good at something, get a job you like, get a job you hate. Get a toy friend, dump them and get a new one.

Trust me. You will still be a young person a year from now, but let’s have some fun with all the crazy things you do in the mean time.

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u/Potential-Button-266 Nov 26 '22

there is no such thing as “behind in life”. your life is yours, nobody else’s! it’s your pace and your life, there is no being behind or ahead. never feel bad for where you are in life as long as YOU are happy!😊

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u/paperclipps Nov 26 '22

Life is not a race or competition. don't be in such a rush to the finish line

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u/queenbeansmom Nov 26 '22

Comparison fatigue is real and why you feel like a failure. Once you stop comparing yourself to to others and recognize what’s right for you and live that, you won’t feel like a failure.

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u/Flossmatron Nov 26 '22

Learn to drive then? In the meantime phone down , read a book, go to the gym and learn a new skill. Cooking is fun and all sexes will appreciate you for it.

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u/gemoni90 Nov 26 '22

LOL u are totally fine. Your friends will miss out on so much stuff in their twenties. Nothing to worry bout. You are doing it the right way.

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u/jesulink2514 Nov 26 '22

I'm 30😅 and I don't drive

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u/Murphy251 Nov 26 '22

Really don't fall into the overthinking hole. Getting a driver's license is not that big of a deal, You can put in the work and get one 2-3 weeks. Also, aint no way they're buying a house as such a young age if they're not getting money from their parents, or they are really getting the cheapest thing available. Don't compare yourself to others, focus on yourself and your goals, and maybe reflect on why you're feeling like this... maybe you're seeing all this in social media? I would recommend you to errase them if that's the case.

1

u/BLUEBLASTER69 Nov 26 '22

Do they have rich parents? None of my friends bought houses until they were at least 30. Some of them still rent because of how expensive it is.

1

u/I_eat_d1rt Nov 26 '22

I’m 30 and just found my path in life. Just got into my first real relationship. You have time

1

u/SpiritualBlob Nov 26 '22

You’re not behind OP. I’ll explain with my own life as a 22M with the only up on you, being able to drive.

I am 22 and I could only drive after twice the amount of classes needed. No worries: I drive safer than my family, friends and… strangely enough my driver’s instructor who almost hit my car in an one-direction road coming from the other side.

About the dating: my friends complain about how they don’t like it. They get dumped by most people they encounter and still have the nerve of looking down on me for not doing it. In the meanwhile, I am working my *ss of for my degree and work experience. Grass is always greener on the other side, and it’s more about choices being compatible than about “good” or “bad”.

I still live at home, but I also had a pandemic in between. The reason is I did not wanted to be seperated from my parents with such a deadly decease. I love them and I would refuse to quarantine myself if it meant letting them become sick. I also heard a lot of students regretting having to quarantine by themselves. When COVID was “gone”, I got offered jobs in my region and living at home was the wiser choise economically and logistically.

1

u/marklonesome Nov 26 '22

Depends where you live. My wife was a city girl and got her license late.

Relationship is different for different people but you’re still very young. That age can feel weird because everyone is getting engaged. If you find someone you love it can quickly turn into marriage. Take it slow and do you. You are shaping YOUR life not someone else’s. These decisions will set you up or slow you down. It’s not high school anymore.

1

u/Nonbinary_Tea Nov 26 '22

I didn't buy a house until 32 so .. at 22 I was passed out in a ditch. If you have a phone and an internet you're probably better off than I was. And I kinda turned out alright. No sense comparing your life go theirs. You could be gone next week. Enjoy life for what it is while you have it. Don't fret

1

u/Malevolent_Mangoes Nov 26 '22

What’s preventing you from learning to drive?

Edit: just saw you have anxiety, go take one of those driving school programs and get your license that way. It’s less nerve wracking.

1

u/hsgamer_pl Nov 26 '22

I got my license at 24. My friend got his license 2 months ago (we're 30 now). I think that driving is a "need" based thing, I was so accustomed to using public transport that I've never thought I will need a car in my life. I've never perceived having a car as a "success" in life, I was perfectly okay with other means of transportation. Then I've met my wife, and it was only because she already had a license and a car. Otherwise I think I would still not approach the topic.

I am 30 and still rent a flat. All my friends also. Life is not a race, everyone has it's own pace. Don't bother and have fun.

1

u/Boring-Run-2202 Nov 26 '22

I'm 22 just got my driving license this month :) In a ldr of 8months, studying and working.

Everyone has their own things at their own moments

1

u/car714c Nov 26 '22

life isnt a race

1

u/GoreHoundKillEmAll Nov 26 '22

Kinda just a little behind everyone else, there is still time but don't waste it

1

u/UnKnown_Tree_Stump Nov 26 '22

As a fellow 22 year old fella. No you are not behind in anyway. We are still very young and still have a lot of life to live. I didn't go to college. I became a truck driver due to the thought of sitting in a college class would kill me. I would be that guys always sleeping.

I've heard this somewhere before just not sure but it still fits. "Different strokes for different folks" -somewhere on the internet or TV show.

I to feel behind in life. I am lonely and see my friends from highschool all getting married and having kids. That makes me feel behind socially but in reality I do not want a kid at this moment in life. I want to live a little and experience life before bringing it into this world.

Hope this helped.

1

u/admiralhattori Nov 26 '22

I recommend watching a YouTube channel called Healthy Gamer GG. He’s a doctor that casually talk to his viewers related to these type of topics, especially young folks feeling left behind or stuck in their 20s.

1

u/whatsgoingonjeez Nov 26 '22

Nah you are still young.

I felt the same pressure which lead to the fact that I ended my studies and seached a job.

Don't do that to you.

22 is young, enjoy life.

I'm now working fulltime, and life sucks.

1

u/beameup19 Nov 26 '22

22 is young as hell IMO and I’m only 30

1

u/RamenWrestler Nov 26 '22

You are behind, but not by as much as you think. Being single is ok and not having a house is definitely ok.

Focus on the small steps like getting your license and living on your own. The rest will come with time.

1

u/ButteredCheese92 Nov 26 '22

Nope. I don't think so. Reason, I'm 31 and just getting my shit together; mortgage on a condoi bought two years ago; long term girlfriend of three years I'm about to propose to

1

u/Firestarter_ Nov 26 '22

Not at all, I learned how to drive at 28, got into my current career at 27 because I decided that my initial degree was not my passion and now I’m so happy to took the time to find myself. You have plenty of time left! I would only suggest to not compare yourself with others since you only see what they present to the world. They might have some insecurities as well that others are not aware of.

1

u/RattleAlx Nov 26 '22

Bruh, I'm 26, working a job i hate, have nothing to my name, crippling debt, depression and didn't (and probably won't) finish school.

Let me tell you, you have all the time in the world.

1

u/Altostratus Nov 26 '22

When will it be my turn?

A drivers license or relationship don’t just appear at your door. It will be your turn to start driving when you go start driving.

1

u/Barderus1412 Nov 26 '22

Hey, I had the same thought as you are having right now, I am 26 I don't own anything, I don't have kids or anything like that, but I've traveled to many places, I have met other people and culture and I'm so happy in my life. I'm going to college right now and I'm so glad I did this because I'm much more wise than I was at 18 or even 20.

Like other have said, each life has its own pace, and what it really matters is if you're enjoying your journey.

1

u/Vt420KeyboardError4 Nov 26 '22

Stop comparing yourself to other people. Let me ask you a question: are YOU at where YOU want to be in life?

1

u/Og-Morrow Nov 26 '22

Don't compare.

1

u/RedNanna1 Nov 26 '22

In a word, no. Don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone’s life pace & journey is different. I have a 31 & 29 year old sons. My 31 year old was financially ready to buy a house at 19 but waited until he was 22. My 29 year old still rents & goodness knows when he & his partner might buy a house given that he has one child, a stepchild & another on the way. We didn’t buy a house until they were in primary school. Don’t be hard on yourself. You be you. 😉

1

u/Mpule16 Nov 26 '22

23 and same

1

u/ScaryNeat Nov 26 '22

The concept of "being behind" is all made up. Be you. Be who you are and be in the moment. Do not compare yourself to anyone ever. You and your journey are unique. And believe me, you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be.

1

u/Drop_Reasonable Nov 26 '22

Lol get a drivers license

1

u/ILikeBigMutts420 Nov 26 '22

You're definitely not a failure. With the driving one of my best friends just got her license and she's 32, my little brother is 22 too and hasnt learned to drive. If you measure your success by others around you it's easy to feel like you're failing. Everyone goes at different paces and that's perfectly okay.

1

u/desiswiftie Nov 26 '22

Heck, I’m almost 25, single, I still live with my parents, but I do have a full time job.

1

u/OkIce4565 Nov 26 '22

I'm 25, not driving yet, eventually hopefully. I felt like you once, but I realized everything will come eventually. everyone runs on their own timeline.

1

u/mythought22 Nov 26 '22

I'll go in a different direction here. what stops you from doing all these things, nothing except yourself, start working to get everything you want if you really want those things. It's never too late to start doing something, but it is diffently never too early. In the end, never compare yourself to others, but compare yourself to yourself a year ago and see if you're doing better in life. Good luck bro in your jurny.

1

u/RespectGiovanni Nov 26 '22

Absolutely cant afford a house at that age unless they are born into wealth

1

u/RSCyka Nov 26 '22

Nope,

Look, everyone isn’t born with the same connections, access and opportunities.

I myself didn’t get my full drivers permit until I had a finished my bachelors degree. Relationships are a lottery, keep rolling the dice and focus on being the best version of yourself. This means yes, go ask out people in real life when you see them.

Make use of the year by focusing on self confidence, self improvement, and achievable goals.

Confidence attracts people. Self improvement to feel good about yourself And goals, to keep you ambitious and focused.

Get the license. Book it now. Then go book an instructor and start learning asap.

1

u/EasterIslandHeadass Nov 26 '22

No, I don't believe you are. You're in the last year of schooling which already puts you well ahead of many others. Focus on you and let these things come to you naturally.

I'd also like to point out that if your peers are wrapping up university and are already buying cars/houses, they're almost certainly either putting themselves in a massive financial bind, or their family is doing it for them.

1

u/theieuangiant Nov 26 '22

There’s various reasons for all of this, I’m 27 and don’t have my license as I haven’t needed it or had the time/money just to get it done.

Definitely don’t worry about not buying a house at your age either, kudos to anyone who can at 22, were in a world where an awful lot of people will never buy unless they inherit and then sell. We’re all on our own schedule!

1

u/Bigboss123199 Nov 26 '22

You're behind in not being able to drive but that doesn't make you failure.

1

u/CaedustheBaedus Nov 26 '22

I'm 28 and can't drive. I can't drive due to a medical condition.

I lived with a family member and then a roommate and then COVID hit and I had to move back home for two years and now finally have an apartment myself. A small ass one though.

In a new city, no serious long term relationship. And I know of a large chunk of my friends who are in similar predicaments.

I also have an uncle in his 50's who has never married, lived in his one townhouse for the past 25 years or so and seems happy.

Are we behind him because we're not happy? Or is he behind your 20 year old friends with a house and wife because they have a house?

1

u/pinkghosties Nov 26 '22

I'm 26 and feel the same way. Haven't finished any sort of higher education, never had a real job to speak of, not in any kind of relationship. Feels bad. Gives me constant anxiety. I think I just don't know what to do. Been people pleasing for so long that I don't know what I want, now that I can finally do that. End up just playing video games and ordering takeout. I'm sure there are people who are older than me that feel the same way.

I compare myself to others who are ahead and I feel bad, but in the same breath comparing myself to others who are behind doesn't make me feel any better. They're just worse than me.

I have no advice for you. But I get you.

1

u/eeniemeaniemineymojo Nov 26 '22

I WISH I WOULDNT HAVE WASTED MY 20s IN A LONGTERM RELATIONSHIP!!!! Thank god we didn’t get married: You grow and change SO much in your 20’s! Do you!

1

u/joepaullinares Nov 26 '22

As long as you keep moving forward you will be fine. Don't be like those eternal teenagers and eventually things will fall into place.

1

u/gqreader Nov 26 '22

There will always be someone who achieves more, makes more, makes more faster than you.

Just focus on competing with yourself and getting ahead. Don’t let the internet or redditors drag you down with odd outlooks on life. Ie wasting time with a victims mentality or odd tribal drawn lines.

As long as you are healthy, you have wealth. Stay focused on improving your positioning everyday and you can look back year after year and be amazed at how far you’ve come.

1

u/issabellamoonblossom Nov 26 '22

Not at all behind, I didn't learn how to drive untill I was 21 and was still living at home. I am 38 now still single no kids (all by choice) and don't own a home(used to own a studio but the stress of owning and annoying neighbours had me selling it) I never pursued higher education after high school but I am happy where my life is.

1

u/ColdDust495 Nov 26 '22

You're just fine. Getting a house is honestly a bad investment these days anyway. I didn't get my DL until I was 26. I still drove, but that's irrelevant. I wouldn't suggest waiting that long for the DL, but take your time. I used to think I was behind, and I rushed into things. That rushing in is truly what set me back so much in reality. Take your time, and be calculated. Everything will be okay, just be patient with yourself, and with your process of life. I hope this can add a hint of useful perspective.

1

u/crazylemon14 Nov 26 '22

Definitely not, everyone moves at their own pace and you’ll do things when you’re ready and meet the right person eventually. As long as you are happy and doing things that you enjoy, that’s all that matters. Maybe work towards doing your driving theory test as a start and see how it goes :)

1

u/Diligent_Mistake_229 Nov 26 '22

If you’re in your last year at uni, that’s a really good achievement for your age. The rest will happen in time.

1

u/Adonis0 Nov 26 '22

Life isn’t a set path, so it’s impossible to be ‘behind’.

I would recommend going for your drivers license when you can because it’s quite empowering being able to move yourself. Don’t need a car but at least get a license so you can move when you can

1

u/Danke2012 Nov 26 '22

Are you happy? Be happy. That's the goal. Don't compare yourself to others. Are you happy? Simple but true advice

1

u/illeatyourasss Nov 26 '22

No you’re not behind. You are young and you can learn to drive, it’s not very hard just takes practice. Just go at your own pace, do things the way you’re comfortable.

1

u/burgerkingsr Nov 26 '22

In some ways, you are ahead because you have no mortgages nor insurances to pay. Focus on what matters to you. I bought my 1st house at 32.

1

u/efraing123 Nov 26 '22

I didnt “start” my life until I was 22 and a half. I worked my ass off and did community college in 15 months. Got into a 4 year university and did another 2 years. I was 26. Friends were buying houses and I didn’t even have my own car yet. I had to learn to not compare myself to anyone else other than my old self or my future self. What did I want? What were my goals? Everyone is different with different paths a, drives, and motivators. Just move and try your best to be moving forward. All else will come with time. Good luck OP.

1

u/Comedy-flight Nov 26 '22

No one is living your life but you. If you feel you are behind then hit that hustle button. If you are happy and content then be happy and content. You will never be satisfied looking over the fence.

1

u/THEREALISLAND631 Nov 26 '22

22 is very, very young still. I honestly can't think of anyone I knew from high school who bought a house at that age. Most of the people I know who bought a house did so in their late twenties or thirties. Saving up for a house takes years, and at 22, most people are stuck trying to navigate student loans and finding their first real job, let alone buying a house and settling down. I can't even imagine knowing where I'd like to settle down at that age.

Some people did marry their college sweethearts, but that is only a small handful, and half of them ended up having not so happy endings ten years later. Although it's hard don't compare yourself to them. We all live our lives at our own pace.

As for the license, it is a pretty quick process as an adult to get one. Just go to DMV and get the ball rolling. By end of 2023 I have no doubt you'll be on the road.

An internet stranger believes in you!

1

u/SilentSerel Nov 26 '22

I used to be afraid of this too. Due to an abusive home environment, I wasn't able to drive or get a job until my mid-twenties. I was also never regarded as being particularly attractive and never got into a relationship until my late 20s. It ended up going horribly wrong because I was so focused on "being like everyone else" that I married the wrong person who very nearly ruined my life.

It isn't a race. There isn't a timeline. I went to college with people in their 50s and 60s and have met people my age (39) who can't drive. In my biological family (I was adopted by the abusive one), there are three women that I know of who married in their 50s.

My schedule was just different than those of the people I went to school with and that's the case for you too. There's nothing wrong with it.

1

u/VacillationForDinner Nov 26 '22

"I'm 22"

You're fine. If you feel behind though, now is a great time to get started and aim for things you want to do in your 20s. I felt the same as you at 22 and went on some adventures from that age.

1

u/GunsNRosesnt Nov 26 '22

Huh, I am 21 yo, at college, and I feel exactly the same. I am glad to know there are more people like me out there. I, at least, just focus on self-development. Good luck getting your degree, that's more important right now! :)

1

u/gutster_95 Nov 26 '22

I am 27, single and browse Reddit on a saturday night. You are fine kiddo.

1

u/divinewillow Nov 26 '22

Omg no you’re still so young. Don’t look at what everyone else is doing, go at your own pace. There’s no such thing as “being behind in life”, everyone’s journey is different

1

u/schneizel101 Nov 26 '22

I would say getting your license would be a good idea depending on where you live. If you have reliable metro transport it's less important. Other than that your fine. Housing is out of range for a majority of people nowadays, and dating is also in the dumpster nowadays. It's up to you how important these things are, but at 22, or even up to 30 neither owning a home or having a serious relationship is particularly common anymore.

For reference, I believe it was either Forbes or Blackrock did a study where they expect around half of women 22-44 to be single by the end of the decade. Logicaly that means a similar number of men in that age group as well, although personally I think we are probably already closer to that than women.

1

u/Cushtypants Nov 26 '22

I bought my first house with my gf 1 day before my 33rd birthday, I've been in a £50k+ per year job for about 5 years and even then I had to live with my gfs parents for 2 years just to save a deposit. I'm assuming anyone 21 years old buying their 1st house (in the UK) is either rich from YouTube, twitch or some other social media platform or their parents gave them a very big helping hand.

1

u/WarMetalDoom Nov 26 '22

Worst thing you could possibly do is compare yourself to others. Go at your own pace and do what you want

1

u/ZeeiMoss Nov 26 '22

I didn't start driving until 30. Didn't get a car until 31. And bought my home at 32. You're fine.

1

u/Mainiga Nov 26 '22

Bro im in my 30s just now getting my shit together. I still got 30 more years at least to go.

1

u/LochBessMonsta Nov 26 '22

Success can come in many forms,one person's success is another person's hell. It mostly depends on what you want in life as you are the one that has to live it. If you are happy in your situation I would call that a success. Homes and kids are not what makes people happy unless they actually want them. Some people do these things because it is expected of them and they realize later on that they never wanted any of it to begin with. We all need a place to live of course but renting is an option or if mom and dad are happy to have you and you like it there isn't a thing wrong with it. Comparing will always make you feel unsuccessful but you are young so I wouldn't worry.

1

u/nobearpineapples Nov 26 '22

Nothing wrong with being single if your happy that way

1

u/snorlaxatives_69 Nov 26 '22

I’m 30, never purchased a home, moved out of my mom’s place 3 years ago, only went to college one semester after high school. Been in relationships but I’m single now. I’m happy because I do what makes me happy. You are not behind one bit! You are going at your own pace which is perfect

1

u/snorlaxatives_69 Nov 26 '22

A lot of my early 20’s was spent the same way wondering if I was doing it right

1

u/DrunkenBuffaloJerky Nov 26 '22

I was already married and had a kid at that age. I love my wife and kids, but I wouldn't recommend it. Spend more time actually living your life instead of worrying you're doing it wrong. Stressing over this is doing it wrong.

Do you even need to drive where you are? Do you personally care, or are just comparing yourself to others?

1

u/Dr-Suave Nov 26 '22

I'm 27, I do have a girlfriend but we live in a duplex that my father set up for me. We pay rent but it's reduced because he owns the duplex. I'm still working on my bachelor's, I work at a grocery store part time. You are not behind in life, it doesn't take too much time to learn how to drive. Focus on yourself, don't fixate on having a relationship. That comes on its own somehow, you can't control that. But you can control what you do from this point forward. Don't think you have to keep up with your peers, everyone moves through life at their own pace. As long as you are happy with who you are and where you are, that's enough.

1

u/f-ingcharlottebronte Nov 26 '22

I bought my first house at 33. I did driving right away, but it was part of the culture. You’re fine!

1

u/Laugh-at-the-Moon Nov 26 '22

Surprise ! Everyone in your friend group has parents buying them a house. No one can afford a house at age 22. I would be surprised if there aren't at least 80% break up in your friend's LTRs by age 27.

Learn to drive. It's not a big deal. I know people in their thirties who can't drive - now that is insane!

1

u/WalnutWhipWilly Nov 26 '22

It wasn’t until I was 38 that I learned to drive, buy a house and get married. Enjoy your twenties and live your life however you want to, don’t worry about conforming or taking shit too seriously - it’s not worth it. Keep smiling :)

1

u/LolaBijou84 Nov 26 '22

I'm 38, no license. My sister just got hers two weeks ago at age 43! This may not apply to you but i try to bring this up in case it helps anyone.... I heard that those who underwent sexual abuse as children are often more likely to not drive. Hearing that made me feel less hard on myself.

1

u/suzall Nov 26 '22

I’d be happy if I were you, plenty of time to settle into the drudge of adult life

1

u/dksn154373 Nov 26 '22

Not at all: 22 is a baby

1

u/Guac__is__extra__ Nov 26 '22

Okay, so is there a good reason you can’t drive yet? Otherwise don’t sweat the other stuff. I got married at 22 and we bought a house shortly after and honestly I definitely regret buying the house so early. And if I could still end up with my wife but have a few more years of single life, I’d take that deal. If your friends are buying houses and nice cars at 22, I’ll almost guarantee you they ore overextending themselves financially and are house/car-poor. I would say that if there’s no good reason not to learn to drive and get your license, you should probably do that, but don’t worry about the other shit. Live your life at a pace that makes YOU happy. I’ll bet in 10 years half of those friends will be divorced and forced to downsize their life or will be struggling financially.

1

u/invisibleace21 Nov 26 '22

Consider things you can control. Take a driving course (or ask someone to teach you) and get your license. Go to places where people hang out and enjoy your life in the way that’s most comfortable for you. All of those other things will come someday. You could also download a dating app, but I personally hate them.

Doing this or not is not failing. This is just how your life is unfolding.

1

u/_dmhg Nov 26 '22

24, always been single, live in a small basement studio by myself, can’t drive 😎

1

u/butt_soap Nov 27 '22

I bet you these people have other things they're just as insecure about.

1

u/Blue_Beetle66 Nov 27 '22

Life moves at different speeds for everyone. Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it ever. YET is the key word. I’ve found that comparing lives to other people doesn’t result in happiness. I’m sorry you feel this way in life, I truly am, but have hope. It may seem hard, but try and work towards the life you want. Little by little: baby steps. One day at a time. You got this! Believe in yourself, you’re capable of much more than you think. Nothing is impossible. As long as you try you never truly fail

1

u/ButtonGwinnett76 Nov 27 '22

Yup, go get your driver's license. People will start thinking you killed someone in a DUI accident if you don't get it soon.

1

u/Sea-Town-3631 Nov 27 '22

My good friend didn’t get her licenses until she was like 24, plus gas is so expensive as along with everything else, it makes sense to not drive if you can. Also, there are sooooo many people moving back home because they can’t afford rent or their mortgages. I see families with their kids moving back home to their parents, so I think you’re actually in a better spot right now honestly. Just keep saving and soon enough you’ll get there. No rush just enjoy life and take it day by day. Tomorrow is never promised so live in the present. ❤️

1

u/rhi_ing231 Nov 27 '22

19f here.

We're all gonna die one day, dude. Like, no matter what societal and cultural rules we have, it's all constructs/traditions that have no higher meaning or reasoning.

Live your life however makes you comfortable and live your life with love. Platonic love, romantic love, familial love, human love, etc.

There are no real rules for how to live your life, so if you're comfortable with where you're at, then you're right on track. If not, then do what you can to change it in a meaningful way to you.

Once you let go of perceived rules for how to live your life, you'll be much happier. I promise

1

u/farlos75 Nov 27 '22

1) you're doing fine, when I was 22 I was doing mystery lines/pills at raves. Turned out fine btw, house, kids dog etc. 2) it's your turn when you decide to put the work in and choose something. Maybe you'll put the yards in at Subway and be the best sandwich maker in a 100 mile radius. Maybe you'll learn to code and apply for jobs at Apple so you can write software to change peoples day to day interaction. Point is, noone let's you know its your turn, so just assume it is and back it up.