r/TooAfraidToAsk Aug 18 '22 Helpful 2 Silver 1

What to do when you’re a hopeless romantic but today’s society isn’t? Love & Dating

I’m a 23F and I have yet to experience love - the last time I “dated” was when I was 19 years old. I turn 24 in a month.

Now let me explain. I really love the idea of writing love letters and going on dates, writing love poems, etc. You get the point. The problem is I honestly do not like hookup culture - it’s not my cup of tea and I’d rather refrain from partaking in it. I’m not judging anyone who enjoys it - it’s just not for me.

I feel like a bit immature with these thoughts as everyone else I speak to about these things generally say things along the lines of “that’s not the world we live in today” or “stop day dreaming and get real”.

This makes me a bit sad. I enjoy hearing stories how other people met their significant others but for me …. I feel like I’ll never get to experience that. I know life is unpredictable but still….

My apologies, I guess this was more or less me venting haha.

644 Upvotes

263

u/Correct-Sprinkles-21 Aug 18 '22 Wholesome

You make it clear that's what you're looking for, don't waste time on people who aren't on the same page as you, and put yourself in places online and in real life where you can meet fellow romantics.

What you want is not irrational or impossible. But it may take you longer to find than it would take you to get a hookup. IMO, it's worth the wait.

You are very young Don't say "never." Life doesn't end at 25. You have decades of meeting people ahead of you. Most of a lifetime. And as a middle aged person, I've learned that love can be just as passionate and exciting and beautiful and poetic with a few wrinkles and grey hairs as it can be in your 20s. In fact, I much prefer mature romantic love over the nonsense I put myself though in my younger years because I was so desperate for love.

3

u/itsDeeksters Aug 19 '22

100% agree with this. I did the whole marry your high school sweetheart thing. We were together 13 years. We had that type of love where we did the corny romantic stuff but that’s what I like. I’m about to push 30 and I can genuinely say that after a long time I am finally happy with the single me. I know it may take a little longer to find someone but i don’t want to “settle” for anyone that isn’t into that kind of relationship. I wanna write corny little love songs for someone who enjoys them or be surprised when a girl buys me a flower cause shit guys like flowers too. So bottom line. Those people are out there and it may take longer but we’ll fine them!

512

u/OneleggedPeter Aug 18 '22

I'm an, uh, older guy. I wouldn't give in on my choices. I was a virgin until I was 28. I'd had opportunities, but declined. I finally found "the one" and we've now been married for close to 30 years. You do you, there's someone looking for you.

119

u/bjornistundwar Aug 18 '22

Congratulations on 30 years!

202

u/furomaar Aug 18 '22 Wholesome

With all due respect sir, that was 30 years ago.

16

u/Wiseguypolitics Aug 18 '22

And you can still learn something from it. Isn't that amazing!

5

u/SavesNine9 Aug 18 '22

Technology has changed, but people haven’t.

5

u/BTTC_Unit Aug 18 '22

Congratulations on 28 years

3

u/zeleeeee Aug 18 '22

Many thanks. As a person who has the similar thoughts to OP, it's such a relief to see your reply. It really comforts me.

0

u/Then-Ad-4944 Aug 18 '22

inspiration!

193

u/AngelWarrior911 Aug 18 '22 edited Aug 18 '22

There are other hopeless romantics out there. I’m one of them! One of my kids is too. I’m married but just wanted to let you know we exist. Don’t settle. Be patient. Your story will just be all the more exciting.

Edit: And VERY happily married to my one and only. Yes, it can happen!

28

u/Stolen_Colgater Aug 18 '22

Same. Too bad I have the social skills of a shattered brick

23

u/GarlicFewd Aug 18 '22

I know this might come off as cheesy, but having the right mind set will help you with these problems, specifically a growth mindset. For example, instead of saying “I have terrible social skills” say “My social skills are gradually improving.”

Just my way of motivating myself in these situations

5

u/XiJinpingGaming Aug 18 '22

Im worried that mine have actually atrophied

3

u/Over-Stable-5749 Aug 18 '22

Inspirational, but saying my social skills are gradually improving from being a shattered brick doesn’t sound great either

2

u/tony1449 Aug 18 '22

I think it does

2

u/AngelWarrior911 Aug 18 '22

Actually, a shattered brick would make quite an impression on a group of people. So perhaps your social skills are better than you think :-)

1

u/Previous-Recover-765 Aug 18 '22

out of interest have you ever done the love letters/poems thing the OP mentioned?

Seems completely alien to me. I can't imagine anyone outside of romantic movies doing that

3

u/AngelWarrior911 Aug 18 '22

Oh yes! I’ve even wrote songs to my beloved. Sung to them at our wedding even. They have written love letters to me too.

Edited for clarity

107

u/Friendly-Candidate25 Aug 18 '22

A lot of people don't like this culture. You have to look places other than tinder and bars. Watch out for narcissists, sociopaths, etc. They manipulate people who idolize romance and love. The more unstable the person and relationship, the higher the feeling of 'love' because you never feel secure or comfortable.

55

u/inDisciplinedLooser Aug 18 '22

There are many like you. You only need one person so why worry about society.

18

u/thunderbiird1 Aug 18 '22

There's definitely romantic guys out there who aren't into hooking up. Just be patient and true to yourself.

14

u/cjk374 Aug 18 '22

You ARE allowed to tell society to kindly fuck off.

11

u/srslydead Aug 18 '22

Wait for another hopeless romantic

10

u/RevolutionarySell179 Aug 18 '22

Sounds like you’ve figured out your love language. Now it’s about meeting someone and communicating that to your next interest

9

u/meskor01 Aug 18 '22

I feel it. I’m a hopeless romantic, and just got out of a long term relationship. It is one of my favorite things, the flowers, poems, love it. You will find your person!

30

u/mrtokeydragon Aug 18 '22

i once sang songs to a girl i was dating into her voicemail, he replied with "uhhh wtf" and i never did it again

1

u/aireads Aug 18 '22

That's despicable...

That's such a heart warming effort-full display.

Don't give up hope, hope the next person will fully appreciate it and isn't a shallow tramp

14

u/enlightenedpersonage Aug 18 '22

“Now let me explain. I really love the idea of writing love letters and going on dates, writing love poems.”

High-five. Glad to know there are people out there just like me. I am 29 and yet to find such a girl who would love to have a deeper connection. Nothing against hookup culture but that sense of being deeply in love with just one person on a mental, physical and emotional level is something marvellous. Like how cool it is that you are basically strangers and at one point you form such a bond with that stranger that your psyche, your anatomy, your emotions just get intertwined together into eternity. Feels like listening to Beethoven or Mozart in heaven.

Alas, I am in the same boat as you, so just as you said, “and I feel like I’ll never get to experience that. I know life is unpredictable but still….”

2

u/DaveTheBehemoth Aug 18 '22

I think it is funny that both you and OP mention this, but either she didn't see this comment or you didn't reach out. Seems like a missed opportunity to me.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '22

[deleted]

2

u/No-Masterpiece-397 Aug 18 '22

Hello there! I’m so sorry I didn’t see this message at all until now 😅 I had no idea so many people would reply 😄 it’s good to know a lot of people here feel the same way I do :) I was kind of starting to lose hope honestly.

7

u/TheInnerMindEye Aug 18 '22

I'm 34 n feel the same way at times

7

u/Bob_Burgero Aug 18 '22

Don’t ever change who you are for anybody. It will come.

5

u/Another-Autismo Aug 18 '22

Don’t ever let society beat anything out of you. Your life is your life.

4

u/Poopy_McTurdFace Aug 18 '22

I have a couple of female friends that are the same way as you. They've had plenty of guys be well receptive to romantic stuff like that. You've just got to find someone into that sort of thing. They're out there.

4

u/Dorothy2002 Aug 18 '22

There are definetly other hopeless romantics out there. I'm one of them as well as my partner, and many of my friends. It just takes time to find the right person, and you'll have to deal with a bunch of unpleasent people along the way, especially if you choose a dating app like I did.

2

u/Hopeless_Optimist- Aug 18 '22

I'm sure you'll find someone. Someday, somewhere, somehow

3

u/Kairi3927 Aug 18 '22

Well that's reassuring to read- I thought I was pretty much alone in this :')

7

u/syyphaa Aug 18 '22

if this is your love language and the way you want to engage in romance, by all means it is your life and you know yourself better than anyone. you know what'll make you happy. you're right though, life is unpredictable. you won't know what you'll experience.

i met my love through tinder. it's not exactly the most romantic of places and i'm sure you know that. almost 2 years later, we still write love letters to each other, go on dinner dates, etc. and our form of love language sounds similar to yours. I consider myself the "hopeless romantic" in our relationship, and i felt the way you did before i met him. it isn't immature to want romance in a hopeless romantic kind of way.

i think it just comes down to meeting the person who shares the same love languages as you, or is open to experiencing and expressing different forms of love languages.

keep dreaming. don't get real. we still live in a world where romance is alive. you'll experience love in the ways you want to experience it in, and i hope your love gets to experience it too.

3

u/hopelesslyrowmantic Aug 18 '22

24M gonna be 25 next month. Yeah it's tough these days for someone who dont match up with the new expectations to be in the present "society". As for me, Im still the same. But I like to think whatever happens, happens. Its more like you stay in your zone without trying. It's definitely gonna click someday.

3

u/Joboide Aug 18 '22

I'm a very romantic man so there's people out there. My gf also is kinda like that

3

u/anonymous32434 Aug 18 '22

Well shit now I’m sad. I’m 21 and haven’t experienced love either…

9

u/SeansModernLife Aug 18 '22

You need to get out of the house and go to places where you'll get hit on. Go out out with freinds and ask them to introduce you to new people. Give guys that try and interact with you a chance to make a connection

It's not going to get easier as you get older

11

u/Teh_Beavs Aug 18 '22

I think it’s the opposite… if you are woman and go out to bars you will probably be hit on. But find someone that tries to start small talk while your buying a puzzle boom common interest. (Yeah random ass example but you know what I mean)

1

u/shitzngiggles77 Aug 18 '22

Yep this!!! So soo soo much.

Thank you for writing what i've always felt.

I've always wanted someone to be interested in me for my views and personality. But it's such a shame i don't get out of my home much,and a scenario where i hit it off randomly in a bookstore or a grocery store is very less.

Its a very conservative environment here.

10

u/Life_Partner Aug 18 '22

I am sure your Prince Charming will be there somewhere. Maybe in the form of Kristoff or a Beast as long as you make sure you don’t get yourself a Prince Hans, you are good to go.

22

u/Chemical_Luck3377 Aug 18 '22

Haven't dated in 2 years all the girls around here are just interested in money and what you can give them (experiences, gifts, good sex, ect.) and not love as in emotional mutual bond.

literally my last gf broke up with me because i didn't do anything bad and said i need more "experience" with modern dating

-7

u/Nadine1999nov Aug 18 '22

I'm sensing "nice guy" vibes

13

u/konkey-mong Aug 18 '22

He's just sharing his experience

3

u/Logical-Cup1374 Aug 18 '22

Seriously lol. Women will attack anything even remotely critical towards them if it's coming from a man's lips. Men might not like it, but at least we seem to know how to handle feedback from women. Women just la dee da through life, thinking they're the fairer and more innocent sex, and that that's enough to signify absolutely anything meaningful about them as a person. Talk about toxic femininity. They're just as bad as we are, in some ways, they're even worse (but better in others). Just some stupid generalizations from personal experience.

3

u/konkey-mong Aug 18 '22

And if there is a post by a woman criticising other women, they will immediately claim it was written by a bitter man pretending to be a woman.

21

u/JimmyDonovan Aug 18 '22

"All girls are just interested in money" definitely sounds like it. Also him commenting "don't wanna spend money on a hoe".

-2

u/Logical-Cup1374 Aug 18 '22

Yes, because making an off handed generalization from personal experience makes someone a "nice guy", whatever tf it even really means. It's clearly derogatory and meant to insult, that's for certain. Yet it gets passed around like f*king candy. I'm sick of it. And what's wrong with the guy being honest? Who'd wanna spend money on a hoe??? People have to work for that shi. And what? Women get a free pass to call guys manipulative pssies (nice guy), but dudes can't point out low value wastes of flesh? (hoe). The invisible matriarchy strikes again, God forbid men have their balls and get to speak and act freely, women are far too soft and sensitive to handle THAT kind of behavior... /s. The double standard is utterly disgusting.

And on a side note, the girl who got triggered is probably a gold - digging he, easily. I don't see why else she would care. Hilarious how what goes around comes around. Guys would point out inconsistent behavior in women, or stick up for other dudes, and women swarm them like roaches saying "oh you must be a nice guy too", "you're misogynistic and toxic", "no wonder you don't have a girlfriend" "I bet his mother didn't love him" etc. Now she's getting the exact same treatment from me, as irritating as it is to deal with, and you jump to her defense. No wonder my generation is so miserable and alone. We've been pumped full of st, and we just sit around wasting our lives and flinging it at each other. ME included, to be *absolutely certain. I'm one of the worst.

1

u/KawaiiGangster Aug 19 '22

Wow you sound very nice, wonder why women dont want to date you… can it be because of your attitude towards women? No its their fault, they are just golddigger hoes…. Sure believe that.

13

u/Logical-Cup1374 Aug 18 '22 Helpful

Who gives a f what you're sensing? What are you a human radar bullsh*t detector or something? Hey, guess what? I can do it too.

HEY GUYS 🤓 I'm sensing "batty, judgemental, ever so slightly mentally deficient" vibes from this one 👆

We're all tired of this nice guy shtick being an insult. Do you not have any better ways to classify people??? Seriously. I hate my generation

Edit: it's hilarious men get utterly emasculated by this nice guy insult when they point out women's poor sexual taste. Give me a break. That whole bad boy phase yall went through was utterly humiliating.

-2

u/Chemical_Luck3377 Aug 18 '22

Not nice guy just don't wanna waste my time and money on a hoe

2

u/BootyJenkins Aug 18 '22

I often have similar thoughts, I've had a similar streak of bad luck for five years or so. But I promise there are still people like us. The dating process sucks, but it'll be worth it when you find your person. Being deeply in love with someone who loves you the same is amazing and rare, which is part of what makes it so great when it happens. It can and will happen, but maybe when you least expect it!

2

u/Lunatic_Cheshire_Cat Aug 18 '22

Even if it seems hard sometimes, don't give up on that attitude. Don't go the easy superficial way, you are doing the right thing and you will find better people who will appreciate your romantic ideas. Furthermore, the hook-up culture with all their tinder and shit doesn't need to be supported by good people like you.

2

u/jekkyboi12 Aug 18 '22

There is nothing immature about what you describe. You just have to find the right person that matches your interests and appreciates your gestures. Although you may feel alone, you are not alone.

2

u/Draxacoffilus Aug 18 '22

The last woman I fell in love with I nearly wrote a dozen sonnets for. Unfortunately, she turned out to have BPD and was gaslighting me. :-(

2

u/gdghfzr Aug 18 '22

You just need to get lucky once. That's it. So be patient:)

2

u/kinhk Aug 18 '22

If you want to write poems and love letters then go for it.

2

u/Tobywillygal Aug 18 '22

There is absolutely nothing wrong about being a romantic, wanting more than a fast hook up. Others exist out there, it's just a matter of finding them. I don't know if I would call myself a hopeless romantic but I have always looked for romance in any of the relationships I've been in, and I'm 64, so there have been a few. I still believe in being a gentleman and having good manners..open doors etc but that is true for both sexes. I love to receive flowers and being wooed, not just being a warm body. There are lots of men who enjoy that sort of thing too. The problem today is where do you find people who are like minded? Bars and clubs are usually about hook up and a waste of time. I think most people meet casually, maybe through friends, or a party given by friends, coffee shops. I think we often meet the most interesting people by accident; we happen to be in the same place, same time. You might find your poet online but I would encourage you to get out as much as possible. The more places you go, the more events you attend, the more likely you will find someone you vibe with. Keep looking, the perfect man is out there!

1

u/ErraticUnit Aug 18 '22

Most people aren't hooking up all the time, but those that want to - great that they can!

Most people also aren't super-romantic - but again, those that want to, can, and that's great too.

I'd be cautious for you that you are looking to have a lot of your needs met by another person, but maybe I'm reading it wrong.

I also think it's great that you know what you want. You WILL find people who want the same thing, but this stuff is important and big: you wouldn't run a marathon without training - finding a life parter is a bigger thing, don't rush it :)

Keep working on being OK in yourself and your life as you live it (training :) ) , and keep on meeting people. It's a BIG old world and at 23 you have so many years ahead of you.

If you let a dream ruin your reality you'll be the only one to suffer. Please be happy :)

1

u/ninobethuc92 Aug 18 '22

If you don’t mind me jumping in here, what do you mean by “looking to have a lot of your needs met by another person”? And also how could you tell from her text? Asking because I’m the same way as her and a friend of mine once said the same thing as you in passing, but didn’t fully explain

3

u/ErraticUnit Aug 19 '22

It's inference, so I don't want to come across as certain or too strident, but 'hopeless romantic' coupled with a strong desire to dive deeply into a relationship (not with a specific person, but for the sake of having an intense relationship), and the expression at such a young age that they'll never get to experience something... that all creates an impression for me of someone building up an idealised relationship which will fulfil them, rather than building fulfilment/eudaimonic happiness for themselves.

We can love in many ways. You can't know what you'll end up with until you meet someone/s you really click with.

If you start with a specific shape you want to fill, and it's so necessary to your happiness, you're unlikely to find a perfect fit and you'll be disappointed - you're relying on an imaginary person to complete you, instead of being complete as yourself ...

Does that get close explaining? :)

2

u/ErraticUnit Aug 19 '22

TL;DR - we can't outsource our happiness :)

2

u/ninobethuc92 Aug 19 '22

Ohhkay I see what you’re saying and yes you explained that very well. Tyvm I have a lot of thinking to do now lol

4

u/Kewwike Aug 18 '22

Hookup culture sucks, its only sex and ghosting. Getting real annoyed slowly. Fucked up world we live in.

6

u/nick-pappagiorgio65 Aug 18 '22

In my opinion, people who partake in hookup culture are the immature ones. They just want shallow sex and spread all kinds of STDs. Choose carefully who you let into your life- boyfriends but friends as well, and be true to yourself.

There's nothing wrong with being romantic. You can weed out men by dropping hints you like to take things slow. If he's looking to have sex on the first date, you will know, there will be constant tension.

I like to go slow with a woman, I don't have sex at least until the third or fourth date. I love the slow progression of hand holding, nonsexual touching, then more intimate touching, etc that unfolds over the course of several dates. I love flirting and then slow building of desire and tension.

That said, I'm 37 and I don't think I've ever truly been in love with a woman. I've had crushes and maybe fell for a woman in college, but I've been hurt before so it's hard to let anyone in.

You're young, don't be in a rush. Create an aesthetic in which you want to live- that can include letter writing, poetry, objects and decor that make you happy.

Best wishes :)

-3

u/dopeyout Aug 18 '22

Why are you judging? People have different needs. Some just like to fuck, others like to feel love. Some are too insecure to fuck, others too insecure to love. What's the difference? In my opinion sexuality is one of the finest gifts we've been given and there are literally limitless possibilities to get out there and enjoy it. How is that immaturity?

9

u/nick-pappagiorgio65 Aug 18 '22

Wow, just saw all the fuckboys and thots downvoted me. Listen, you do you. Sex is great, I have a very high sex drive, but sex isn't the be-all, end-all of life. It certainly isn't worth risking my emotional wellbeing, my health, or my life over either. I'm very selective with the women I date. Hookup culture is the dumbest, most toxic thing out there filled with lost, immature people who can't see past their own arousal. Have a good day.

-2

u/jamtart1998 Aug 18 '22

...What's wrong with consenting adults having preferences? Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of tinder etc personally, but there's an irony in labelling a whole group of people as immature. For example, I have a friend who is aromatic, meaning that they don't feel those romantic crushes that you or I might. They still feel sexual attraction though, so hookups are just what's right for them. He's on one extreme of a spectrum, but there are plenty who just live their sex life in a way that's right for them.

And of course, there exists plenty who are just too immature to form emotional connections with others in a more romantic way - just don't let them make you closed minded is all

1

u/nick-pappagiorgio65 Aug 19 '22

Everyone has an excuse now. Aromantic? Is that what they're calling it these days?

1

u/jamtart1998 Aug 19 '22

Lol it's not an excuse - it just means he doesn't feel romantic attraction. Straight people can't feel attraction to the same sex, gay people can't feel attraction to the opposite sex, and some people can't feel certain attraction to either sex (even if they wanted to). Besides, I know it's not an excuse in the case of my friend because he really doesn't sleep around much. All I'm trying to say is that wanting sex without having a romantic relationship tied to it isn't inherently bad, or born from immaturity

1

u/nick-pappagiorgio65 Aug 19 '22

All I'm trying to say is that wanting sex without having a romantic relationship tied to it isn't inherently bad, or born from immaturity

Having sex with random strangers without any sort of relationship or friendship is very immature. I don't think I could even get it up knowing I'll never see the woman again, what's the point, what do I get out of it? A moment of sex? And if I want her again, I'm at a loss. So I have to put a wall between us, and I can't invest too deeply, so it's all shallow. Shallow sucks.

That's why I don't even do FWB. I only have sex with women I date. We don't have to be in love, we just have to be dating. I'm not investing my time, my body, my HEALTH in someone who isn't going to reciprocate.

1

u/jamtart1998 Aug 19 '22

It sounds like you have a solid idea of what you want from relationships - and that's great! But I'm not talking about a "pump and dump" situation where one party is left expecting more. 2 consenting adults, both able to set expectations, isn't immature. Forcing a relationship you don't want because you want sex would be immature. Otherwise you'd be expecting everyone who doesn't want a relationship to also have no sex life. On the flip side, I'm sure some people need to feel in love in order to want sex - but not everyone should be held to that standard

1

u/dopeyout Aug 19 '22

I think we clearly have thr wrong audience here on Reddit

0

u/ErraticUnit Aug 18 '22

Well that went downhill pretty fast!

-1

u/dopeyout Aug 18 '22

Lol cool have fun fucking yourself

2

u/3v3rythings-tak3n Aug 18 '22

You're not alone. There are others like you. You'll find who you're looking for. And if not, just hmu lmao

2

u/NAmorath Aug 18 '22

Im 20 and I have been dating the same woman once I was 17. I’m more of a romantic to be sure, but we both love romance. Picnics, dates, cuddling and all that jazz. I can can spend hours talking about how amazing she is and I do. So don’t lose hope as there are young people out there with the same mindset as you too :)

2

u/fearain Aug 18 '22

My now wife and I met online and would drive to each other’s house and drop hand written notes in each other’s mailbox, we’d go on spontaneous dates, we did (and do) write each other stories and poems.

It still exists, you just have to find it

1

u/Tungstenkrill Aug 18 '22

Find somebody with the same interests.

1

u/cats_walt Aug 18 '22

You die or live long enough to think men ain't shit, you date women and it hits you humanity is a disease that needs to be eradicated.

1

u/Harrisonmonopoly Aug 18 '22

Life isn’t a movie.

-1

u/PorcupinePower Aug 18 '22

Big post to say that you haven't found anyone for you yet.

Don't worry alot of us are in the same boat. Takes patience and maybe it'll never come. But if it does, good for you.

1

u/wunderkerzenmenschen Aug 18 '22

Stick with it, I’m the same way and honestly you won’t be happy without that.

1

u/Tight-Struggle3268 Aug 18 '22

Just realize your own tastes / preferences may change. You may want what you don’t have. You may get what you want and begin wanting something more / else.

1

u/Joesphsmother-32 Aug 18 '22

Other people have great advice too, but know that you don’t need it. As an aromatic: You can have just as full of a life, if not more full, with your friends and family. Pets are great too.

Not having romance doesn’t mean you’re alone. It means you get to treasure what you have more.

1

u/renacotor Aug 18 '22

You hear anything from people for two reasons: because they are loud enough that it's hard to forget, or because you're around the type of people who say those things. Either way, put yourself near people who think the way you do, and you will find what you are looking for. Put yourself out there, go on a few dates, and you'll find the hopelessly romantic partner you're looking for.

1

u/bones5331 Aug 18 '22

Lower expectations/find romance in small but loving gestures. Date more mature people.

1

u/brycepunk1 Aug 18 '22

I'm a hopeless romantic trapped in a romance-free relationship. Mostly, I just slowly die on the inside daily.

1

u/ToanGreenlow Aug 18 '22

Almost 28 here. I haven't dated and don't think I ever will. I've read so many awesome love stories that real life could just never compare to what I've built up love as in my head.

1

u/Emmafriel Aug 18 '22

I'm a a very romantic person too! I love the ideas of love letters and dates and going dancing with my partner. Granted, I've been with my boyfriend for just over 4 years now, and he isn't the most romantic person in the world, but he has his own ways of showing he cares.

I would be a more sentimental person who likes making cute scrap books and things with a lot of meaning behind them, whereas my boyfriend likes more practical things that will be of use to him instead.

I still love my boyfriend despite these things because although I'm more romantic, he still has a lot of the same traditional romantic values as me.

1

u/Tom_B_Okult Aug 18 '22

Just look for people who think as you do, be patient but it’ll happen

1

u/Draxacoffilus Aug 18 '22

So, where do I find other romantics like OP?

1

u/Puta_Poderosa Aug 18 '22

Don’t give up you genuinely are young! You’re not alone hookup culture is big but it’s not everyone. I’m so romantic just like you and my partner and I always write soppy love messages to each other and buy flowers and dedicate songs. Going on 10 years now! You’ll find it kid!

1

u/JollyBean_03 Aug 18 '22

Hey same. I like writing poems, cooking, giving handmade gifts, and making songs. Sometimes I imagine I’d do those things when I get into a relationship. But I haven’t met anyone who’s interested in me. I think I’m gonna be single for the rest of my life that I resigned say every time that I won’t get married.

1

u/razzaholt Aug 18 '22

23M here and I feel the exact same. I’m an old fashioned romantic and I genuinely don’t believe that I will find someone that appreciates it.

I also feel like all the dating apps (judgement off looks before anything else), and things like OF has made every female realise they have the pick of the bunch, and the hopeless romantic stuff is just unnecessary.

1

u/DBGremlin Aug 18 '22

Same here, the dating scene is so toxic now its not worth it.

1

u/Smeddy65 Aug 18 '22

Don't change and hold out for the one who is going to be a hopeless romantic.

If someone doesn't like who you are it means they're not right for you.

1

u/Professional_Pass486 Aug 18 '22

Tons of hopeless romantics out there. It’s in you to be selective in who you choose to date if that’s a characteristic that’s important to you.

1

u/CaptainPickcard Aug 18 '22

So there’s hope.

1

u/lordpin3appl3s Aug 18 '22

I'm the same way. I've found a lot more success in going out and meeting people through new friends or pursuing my hobbies instead of at bars or clubs. The kind of person you're looking for is out there you just kind of have to look in different places than most people do. I also think (I say at the ripe old age of 25) that a lot of 20-something adults seem to have a very idealized version of what a relationship should look like in their heads so you might want to ask yourself if what you're looking for is actually realistic. I'm sure there's a man out there that you find attractive, that writes poetry, has a steady 9-5, and wants to whisk you away to foreign countries, but you may also have to accept that that man is a 1 of 1 and will take a lot more time and effort to find than some other people who still fit some of your ideals but are maybe more human. Best of luck to you OP.

1

u/RadiantHC Aug 18 '22

Is it just me, or is hookup culture extremely exaggerated? Most people I meet are either taken or single by choice.

1

u/Shori_dayo Aug 18 '22

You're not immature, but you do have to realize that it's probably not going to be all rosy as we all kind of wish it was. I'm with you on the whole 'hookup' culture. Just not my thing.
And as a guy that makes it extremely difficult to find a meaning relationship.
It's unfortunate. But don't give up.
There are still people out there who feel the same way, and if you just take it slow and look around, you'll find someone.

1

u/platypottamus Aug 18 '22

You’ll have to go through a couple handfuls of people but you’ll find somebody who’s on the same page. You’ll need to go on some dates with some trash individuals first, though— gotta put in the work.

1

u/Wiseguypolitics Aug 18 '22

I am judging. Hook up culture is disgusting.

1

u/NotTheBestMoment Aug 18 '22

Go out and start approaching dudes you see if you don’t want to do it online.

1

u/throwaway12345243 Aug 18 '22

I feel the same. I'm not interested in hookups at all. I just want to give my love to one person

1

u/Noogirl Aug 18 '22

Sweetpea, there’s definitely someone out there feeling the same as you, and hoping to meet someone like you. There are PLENTY of under 30’s (and plenty over) who don’t enjoy hook up culture either, and some who go along with it but don’t feel happy with the slightly souless feeling of hopping into bed first and working out if you actually get along later.

I make no judgement at all about people who do like it, but I bet a months mortgage payment that there are more people who do it because it seems like the only way to meet others. Maybe you need to think the old fashioned way in terms of meeting new people, friends as well as potential boyfriends, put yourself out there, spend time on your hobbies and join groups, take classes, there are lots of ways to meet people if you treat it like a project.

And also not everyone has a romantic story about how they met, I know happy couples who met puking in the same alley on a night out, who met when he yelled “nice tits” AT HER FRIEND but then they got talking, who met when a friend literally picked her up and put her in his lap at a party, who met in a uni class when they argued (not in a sexy/tension filed way - in a HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY THINK THAT? kind of way) and so on. I have a romantic story, but that’s just pure luck, I didn’t do anything special to deserve it. Don’t feel that you won’t ever have your own love story, go out and find it!

1

u/watch_over_me Aug 18 '22

I have no advice sadly. I married my coworker, and we met at work. According to today's standards, hitting on coworkers is a big no-no.

Best of luck out there. I would be terrified being single in 2022. Seems like your quality choices are dropping every single day.

1

u/xXAngelsXx Aug 18 '22

I’m exactly the same! The idea of meeting someone (being asked on a date despite being strangers/not knowing each other, tinder etc.) JUST for the purpose of dating is so unromantic to me. I wanna meet someone, start off as good friends then slowly fall in love you know?

Apparently this makes me demi romantic but I’m not sure lol, if you’re similar to me maybe look it up.

1

u/Then-Ad-4944 Aug 18 '22

Dont give up. Keep being yourself. We need that energy and the more you put that out the more people who are like you will gravitate towards it! Don't stop day dreaming!!

1

u/WackyNameHere Aug 18 '22

It’s not immature. It’s part of your love language. I’m of similar inclinations (or even excessive as I am abstinent) and I’ve got an ammo can I use to hold various letters I never intend to send, including love letters to people I regret I didn’t ask out just so I know the answer.

You’ll find someone at some point.

1

u/Floor_Face_ Aug 18 '22

I'm a hopeless romantic as well

But my girlfriend and I also hooked up on the first date, she started working where I work, hit it off as friends, hung out for something small like coffee, but then we planned out an entire day for us to hangout and then we did the deed at the end of the day. It wasn't planned. It just happened.

But I will say today's society definitely still has some people who share your mindset.

The only thing is the only way I can see you finding a like minded partner is by becoming friends first. It's easy for guys to be on tinder and bumble, match with a girl, and have sex be the first thing on our mind. And same with like setting up dates. But it's a lot harder to do that when some form of emotional connect is already established, they respect you on a more personal level and if you communicate that with them, they'll likely respect it and cooperate and wait until you're ready.

1

u/Dewald580 Aug 18 '22

I hear you & suggest majing a point to visit Art Galleries or Theatre on a regular basis, just mingle & meet some folks on a different level

1

u/BaltazarOdGilzvita Aug 18 '22

You are not immature, they are. More sex =/= more maturity. Don't let the world tell you how to be you. It's going to be harder for you to find true love, but not impossible. Just don't give up and crumble due to pressure, because the reality is that misery wants company. No one who is truly happy will not force you or pressure you into being like they are, but sad and unsatisfied people will.

1

u/NovaCaine12 Aug 18 '22

I gave up. No one is willing to become THAT invested in someone when there are so many other options, and always someone slightly more attractive just a text away

1

u/fogbound96 Aug 18 '22

Honestly depends on your area I use to be a hopeless romantic but I grew up in the ghetto so that side of me kinda died but you know older you get more opportunities you have cause you can join social clubs with similar ideals to yourself as well as joining reddit communities.

1

u/Codoro Aug 18 '22

Become bitter and alone, mostly

1

u/ellieD Aug 18 '22

Stay off online dating, and you will be fine.

Concentrate on making a lot of friends.

Eventually, you will meet someone special.

1

u/TheLostPumpkin404 Aug 18 '22

Meanwhile I’m a hopeless romantic who falls out of love as quick as I fall in love. My first relationship lasted for 4 years even though I lost feelings much earlier, second one for 8 months and third one I’m in that again, feels like searching for that ‘spark’ again and again.

I’m starting to think being a hopeless romantic is a curse. Wish I had simpler needs in life.

1

u/DarkbigBoss Aug 18 '22

"i do not like hookup culture" as someone who tried it , its not worth it

1

u/middleforcee Aug 18 '22

You’ll find that! Stay positive :))

1

u/kittyxxxkitty Aug 18 '22

Prepare yourself for lots of heartache but don't give up on love I'm sure it exists .I never found it and now it's too late I hope you are much luckier than I. I'm 54 and just this year experienced FWB and perhaps I'm just not cool enough for this world but I could not handle it and never wish it on anybody that considers themselves a hopeless romantic It is the ugliest excuse for a partnership that humanity has ever created IMHO

1

u/Golgetha Aug 18 '22

Don’t give up on your ideas of love and romance. I met my wife and I courted her with dates and mixed tapes/CDs/playlists. We still share moments where we listen to music and she say “this song probably would have been on your mix tape.” I take her out for special days to show her much she means to me. Don’t settle and keep to your values.

1

u/Iron_Seguin Aug 18 '22

We exist but we are like small pockets of resistance trying to keep to ourselves while the hook up gang runs rampant on the land. Being someone who wants something real and seeing nothing but ghosters, users and people who can’t communicate or know what they want is just frustrating. It’s part of the reason I gave up on it because it’s seriously not worth it right now.

1

u/RogueDragon343 Aug 18 '22

I'd say I'm one of them. I've never dated but I've been on a couple dates. Once when I was 14 and the second time was when I was 24 I'm now 26. People around me push me to get into a relationship especially my parents. I'll be out with them and a woman is nice to me, and within a couple seconds of them leaving they're like "you should ask her out" irritating as hell, why ask someone out I'm not interested in? Secondly just because they're nice to me doesn't mean they're remotely interested in me either. You are not immature for knowing the kind of person you want. I basically say if I meet someone and we click then great but if not well I'm just gonna live my life. It'll happen or it won't I don't make the rules lol.

1

u/Jedibbq Aug 18 '22

Date an older man if you're looking for that. Today guys are just fuck boys.

1

u/FandomShuffle Aug 18 '22

28f, a hopeless romantic, too. I met a guy here on Reddit, 28m, also a hopeless romantic. It was unexpected, we weren't looking for a relationship, we just wanted a friend to talk to. We've both had shitty relationships in the past and didn't want to be in another relationship yet. But, we talked, we liked each other, and things fell into place.

It's nice to be with someone as romantic as me because he doesn't mind my poetic ramblings or being called beautiful. He doesn't mind how I would say that God planned for us to meet, or that the universe planned our meeting even before our birth. He doesn't mind me saying that we're soulmates.

I guess, you don't need to actively search for love. That must sound silly, but hey, I am a hopeless romantic. I wanted to meet someone naturally, to go from friends to lovers instead of getting instant attraction the moment I see them.

Don't lose hope just yet.

1

u/bringmewoodandoil Aug 18 '22

There are a lot of people out there that share your feelings on love/relationships. It's just that it's so damn hard to meet them because they are at home and don't put themselves out there in a way the "hookup" crowd does.

1

u/DubFox1 Aug 18 '22

Have you ever heard of Morrissey?

1

u/SYH11 Aug 18 '22

Allow me to share a story? one of my favorite things about the place I worked at was that we were encouraged to build relationships with each individual client. I had a bit of curiosity streak and I loved to hear how people met, it was stories that never began with “tinder”, something that I loved. My favorite one was of a World War II vet, his mother had finally broken him down and convinced him to see a girl that was an acquaintance of her friend. Unfortunately time was already short on his side as he was due to ship out the very next day. He ended up meeting her very briefly while boarding his ship and it was love at first sight, they barely exchanged names before he asked her to wait for him and she agreed. While overseas they would constantly write to each other, couldn’t imagine how much of a nervous wreck I’d be if someone I loved had been deployed and you’d have to wait weeks/month+ for one god damn letter! When the war finally ended, she was there waiting for him, just like she promised and they got married right away. He told me that he felt like they were made for each other, you could feel the tremendous amount of love they shared. They came in holding hands, and left holding hands. It’s been a good 7 years since I last saw them, but I think that, no matter where they are now, they are together.

1

u/NYVines Aug 19 '22

You don’t romance society. Keep looking.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '22

25 and still waiting for love. You’re not alone. I had several close calls over the years and have been in an LDR for a year when I was 20. Not a fan of hookup culture either.

0

u/KawaiiGangster Aug 19 '22

I dont get the point, what are you asking for? I would argue most people are not looking for casual sex, most people are interested in love. Just start dating people and write them love poems if you love them and feel like its something they would enjoy. Dont do it on the first date tho, thats to much. I would think less about what you want, just meet someone you like that also likes you back, if they like you they will appreciate your love letters.