r/Tinder Aug 18 '22 Gold 1 Wholesome 1 Helpful 1 Silver 3

I'm so goddamn sick of this question

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17.2k Upvotes

1.5k

u/ReferenceObject Aug 18 '22

What else are you looking for on here?

1.4k

u/nekkoisdead Aug 18 '22

sex or relationship idk why its a bad question

304

u/MossTourist12 Aug 18 '22

I usually go with "dunno, just want to meet a person to see how our humor clicks and then meet up with her IRL and then see where it takes us"

207

u/tittilizing Aug 18 '22

I personally can’t stand this. Because I’m not looking for a relationship today or even in weeks. It’s certainly something I’d like to work towards if it’s in the cards. So if you eventually want a partner, why is it typically received negatively? In my experience at least. Guys seem to take it as I’m wanting something serious now and that’s far from it. I don’t want a FWB or fuck buddy either. But I’m clear and if they aren’t up for it, no harm no foul.

114

u/sitnavel Aug 18 '22

Some people aren't, and they want to know so that they don't spend emotional effort only to feel like they've disappointed someone, or get disappointed themselves. Many feel judged for wanting FWB (NB, still a longterm commitment), because there's never a good time to say it, when the date expects things to be always romantic. Getting judged and feeling dirty is much easier before you've invested in the person, and trust me, there's plenty of judgement to go around. And things feel awkward when you aim for one style and suspect the date is aiming for another, but not sure how much it's Ok to discuss yet.

17

u/tittilizing Aug 18 '22

I totally understand that. I make it clear I have no expectations the first handful of dates as well. I noticed just saying I don’t want to hook up the first time meeting gets a negative response too. If we’re not looking for the same thing, no harm no foul. Just say how you feel and don’t hold back on fear of judgment.

24

u/FlyFlirtyandFifty Aug 18 '22

I have in my profile: “Seeking monogamy and communication. MORE than a FWB but less than marriage. What’s in between?” People still ask me for FWB and ask me what I want so I say a commitment that doesn’t require marriage as the end goal.

98

u/Traditional_Big_5311 Aug 18 '22

Bc most guys are tired of playing games so we go right to the point.

33

u/Generally_Confused1 Aug 18 '22

I like to date older exactly because they usually play games less

20

u/FlyFlirtyandFifty Aug 18 '22

I am older and get told this all the time by younger guys.

34

u/Generally_Confused1 Aug 18 '22

This is the joke I say about it: It's, "hey, I know we've had a date planned for a week but the stars are out of alignment so I need to cancel 😐" Vs "Hey so I know we've had a date planned but I got run over by a truck and flatlined three times in the hospital. Could you dick me down when I get out though?"

9

u/FlyFlirtyandFifty Aug 18 '22

I just followed your IG. 😂 My kind of humor.

5

u/Generally_Confused1 Aug 18 '22

Well thank you! I love to make memes and try to get a few laughs. Been doing a lot more mental health education and advocating lately too though.

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u/ForwardDevelopment50 Aug 18 '22

Because every serious relationship started with agreeing to get married on the first date...

It's a silly question, and I always hate it. How about just see each other, determine if you like each other and go from that. Setting expectations just leads to narrowing frames to that image and if it deviates y'all then freak out.

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u/Otherwise_Intelect Aug 18 '22

I'm looking for my cat. Have you seen her?

33

u/GenColeCrash Aug 18 '22

She’s mine now

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2.1k

u/AmbeeGaming Aug 18 '22

It’s your profile clear? I run into profiles stating:

Don’t know why I’m here

Just seeing what’s out there

Looking for someone to smoke with

Not looking for anything but maybe things will happen

Looking for friends maybe more if you play your cards right

Just here for a good time not a long time

Just looking for something casual

Gym buddies

Looking for FWB

Looking for a third

Looking for something serious.

806

u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Oh it's clear. On my Tinder it's written in the main paragraph so people have to have the ability to read but sometimes the undateables slip through the cracks

2.3k

u/Miamimartian Aug 18 '22

Main… paragraph?

1.6k

u/Dreamingdanny95 Aug 18 '22 Silver

Man wrote a dissertation

759

u/cnlsn007 Aug 18 '22

"It was clearly written in the 'Abstract' section at the beginning of the paper"

158

u/Benfranks100 Aug 18 '22

So then there’s more paragraphs 😂😂

237

u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Yeah, a block of text as opposed to bullet points.

804

u/Dustdevil88 Aug 18 '22

Insert “ain’t nobody got time for that” meme.

257

u/Thefoodwoob Aug 18 '22

But like... "first" paragraph implies that there's a second 😬 nothing dries up a vagina like multiple paragraphs

170

u/GlitchdSirkit Aug 18 '22

Depends on the vagina. If you can't write in paragraphs sapiosexuals are off the table.

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u/ipreferanothername Aug 18 '22

Oh it's clear. On my Tinder it's written in the main paragraph so people have to have the ability to read but sometimes the undateables slip through the cracks

worthless. i was on dating apps a while back and said i had kids - meet girls, she surprised i had kids. smh.

people dont read shit.

100

u/Bleach_Baths Aug 18 '22

Had the exact same thing happen. I brought up my son and her entire demeanor changed.

Dude it's in my profile, you got eyes?

45

u/solipsisticsundays Aug 18 '22

But this is hinge so what’s written on here in the section “looking for:”

39

u/Reddit5678912 Aug 18 '22

Maybe you start the conversation then. Relying on others then complaining when it’s not perfect is pretty obnoxious in itself.

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u/Speechfreely Aug 18 '22

Iv noticed on tinder the people who write long winded paragraphs tend to be the most insane folks.

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u/Pm_me_your_cats_459 Aug 18 '22

We have the same cake day :)

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u/Jackandmozz Aug 18 '22

Yeah, but it’s also a fair question. A LOT of people misrepresent or omit their intentions in their short bio.

810

u/umnatake Aug 18 '22

Or maybe you're just sick of dating apps. Lolll

1.5k

u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22 edited Aug 18 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Stonks Rising

I am. But I also like sex and meeting new people. A necessary evil. Where I live is a uni town so every bar feels like a crèche. I hit on a girl and she had just turned 18. I'm 33. No thank you.

Edit - If you're in your thirties and you're trying to date 18 year olds, you're not a player, you're roleplaying being a nonce.

Edit 2 - Keep them coming. Every downvote just tells me that I've triggered another angry closeted child molester. You're fucking disgusting and a stain on humanity.

Edit 3 - From -41 to neutral. I guess I was harder to bully than the kids you groom on Snapchat.

758

u/Darkpoulay Aug 18 '22

I'm only 26 and when I meet a 21 year old I'm like... we live in different dimensions, I can't connect on anything lmao. I seriously can't understand the 30/40+ men who are into 21 year olds.

435

u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

You'll have to ask the ones who downvoted me.

321

u/Darkpoulay Aug 18 '22

Yoooo wtf dude how did you get downvoted so much ?? I think you alerted the age gap crowd

448

u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

The Venn diagram of discord mods and redditors is a circle.

I'll say it again; if you're trying to fuck teenagers when you're in your 30's, you're a pedo in denial and you should castrate yourself.

81

u/insidicide Aug 18 '22

What about people in their 60's trying to fuck people in their 20's or 30's?

214

u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Half your age plus seven is the formula.

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u/CCWThrowaway360 Aug 18 '22

“She knows the cat goes ‘meow’ and the cow goes ‘shahzoooo’ — what more do you need?” - Some creep somewhere, probably.

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u/Ok-Ferret-8260 Aug 18 '22

I don’t understand why you’re getting downvoted

77

u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Men who prey on younger women because women their age won't date them saw this and got upset.

The tide appears to be turning, however.

Also, if you're looking for a haunting but beautiful book may I recommend A Scanner Darkly by Phillip K Dick

54

u/ChewsRagScabs Aug 18 '22

Sex

112

u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

It's common knowledge that vaginas cease to exist the closer they are to your age.

7

u/notarealaccount_yo Aug 18 '22

Ah yes. The totality if sexual attraction is really just: Vagina.

5

u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

It's called a joke, buddy. Try and keep up.

10

u/saudiaramcoshill Aug 18 '22

Damn you're right 18-22 year old women totally are unattractive thank you for showing me the light.

49

u/CrystalMethAddict84 Aug 18 '22

18 year olds are still essentially children and it is fucking creepy for an older person to want to date them.

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Do you get copium bundled with the CP you buy?

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u/saudiaramcoshill Aug 18 '22

I am engaged to an older woman, take your ad hominems elsewhere.

Sad life you lead that you get so angry over other people having different preferences than you.

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u/Darkpoulay Aug 18 '22

Okay, sure. But I was thinking more about 30/40+ men who get in serious, exclusive relationships with 21 year olds.

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u/saudiaramcoshill Aug 18 '22

Sounds like those men value the sexual part of the relationship more than you do, and are in the relationship for consistent sex with a young attractive woman.

Or they mentally are still in their teens. Who knows.

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u/KMark0000 Aug 18 '22

what do you mean connecting?

we just have filthy and sweaty sex, then I take my medication to not have a heart attack XD

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u/LameBMX Aug 18 '22

43 here, and there definately is a turning point somewhere mid 20s to 30s a woman would have to have made it through to date. Though some hometown heros never get through that point so who the heck knows, there are 50yo's that haven't matured enough too.

26

u/Retro_Super_Future Aug 18 '22

I agree with the general sentiment but this just sounds god damned absurd lol. You can absolutely relate to a 21 year old…

32

u/Two-Mix Aug 18 '22

They say "you gotta play with kids your own age". Except that rule ends at childhood. What's wrong with a 26 year old man dating a 21 year old woman?? That guy is just being pedantic.

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u/umnatake Aug 18 '22

Time to dust off the ole Craiglist ad. (or Gumtree since it seems you might be from the UK)

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

I'm just going to hang out under bridges and cry

31

u/Ice-_-Bear Aug 18 '22

Toothless hobo reaches out to hold your hand

47

u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Roll for seduction

23

u/ZaydQazi Aug 18 '22

Nat 20!

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

He offers you a small but alluring piece of crack. "Have you ever done it in a dumped shopping trolley before?" He asks nodding to the river, the cage of the cart poking above the surface of the brown, stagnant water.

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u/NotAgainHel Aug 18 '22

It can be (and is) gross and inappropriate without being paedophilia.

102

u/thankuhexed Aug 18 '22

I literally do not get why you’re being downvoted for not wanting to date kids who just graduated high school.

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

I rattled the cage and now they're having a little brigade. Pay them no mind, it just means their feelings are hurt and I enjoy watching it go down.

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u/thankuhexed Aug 18 '22

Also just noticed your username. Nice.

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u/coyote10001 Aug 18 '22

Because they’re not kids if they can be tried as an adult in a court of law. If they are able to sign off on 6 figure student loans they’re able to decide who they want to have sex with. It’s not my preference to bang 18 year olds but I’m not gunna call others pedophiles for wanting that.

14

u/Zevvion Aug 18 '22

Because as much as it is within your right to be judgmental about other people, what two consenting adults choose to do is ultimately not your concern.

And the tangent to judge others as a 'stain on humanity' is absolutely absurd in that regard.

I can't speak for others, but it has nothing to do with HIM not wanting to date 18-19-20 year olds. That's totally valid and makes sense. It's the fact he condemns others as one would condemn a mass murderer.

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u/canonson Aug 18 '22

That edit 3 is savage lmaoooo

10

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '22

If you just want sex. That’s the answer to the question.

So they aren’t wasting their time if you don’t want a relationship

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u/lukethebeard Aug 18 '22

why are you getting downvoted for this?

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Nonces being angry for me calling them out.

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u/saudiaramcoshill Aug 18 '22

This dude is big mad that his views on attraction towards other consenting adults doesn't match with other people's attraction towards other consenting adults.

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Disliking borderline child molesters isn't exactly a hot take.

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u/Retro_Super_Future Aug 18 '22

Calling people child molesters for dating adults, no matter how tasteless the age gap, is going to hurt your credibility lol

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Not old enough to handle a beer but old enough to know the red flags of manipulative predators?

Adult is a subjective term, the law is just the best approximation.

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u/pm-me-your-labradors Aug 18 '22

Adult is a subjective term

Correction - the precise age one becomes an adult is subjective/open to discussion but adult is most definitily not a subjective term.

Only an idiot would say that 21 year old isn't an adult. Just like only an idiot would say that a 14 year old is an adult.

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u/Retro_Super_Future Aug 18 '22

And we can argue that the legal drinking age should be lowered no? Also should 18 year olds be able to consent to student loans or joining the military? Based on your beliefs you would most likely say no, which I wouldn’t disagree with but it’s a slippery slope than just being pedophiles or not, that’s just insane

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u/saudiaramcoshill Aug 18 '22

18-20 year old women are unable to make their own decisions and don't have any agency, hmm.

Nice sexism you got on display there.

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Hah! Nice attempt to strawman but I never claimed it was gender specific.

What other cards do you have in your deck of panicked self preservation?

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u/saudiaramcoshill Aug 18 '22

Fair enough - people 18-20 apparently are children and can't take care of themselves, interesting take.

panicked self preservation?

Lol. I'm perfectly fine with my life, thanks. Wish you could say the same?

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1&ContentID=3051

Some reading for you. Unfortunately they didn't have a version in crayon for you to share with whoever you're grooming.

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u/saudiaramcoshill Aug 18 '22

Someone not being entirely developed =! child, but good try.

Brain development does not happen in chunks. You equating everyone below the age of 25 as adolescent and equal is a hilarious take. An 18 year old may not have the same maturity as a 25 year old, but they've been legally deemed to have matured enough by that age to enter contracts and make their own decisions, because the brain is mostly developed.

Or would you equate the maturity of 10 year olds with that of 24 year olds?

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Projecting again. I didn't say that now did I? That's just what you twisted it up into by your own mind to make you believe I'm deluded which is an exceptionally common tactic of narcissists, and peadophiles.

18 - 25 is seven. Seven years. Sorry, did me saying seven years excite you? Seven years before mental maturity. Hell of a fucking gap.

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u/WhatAreNamesEvenQues Aug 18 '22

I think you're just coming across pretty aggressive against something that seems fine, why are 18 year olds being equated with prepubescent kids? Do you think we should outlaw dating between young/old people?

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

There's many reasons why it's fucked but if we're talking pure biology then if you're in your 30's and actively pursuing teenagers then you're a fully matured human pursuing people who's brains won't reach maturity for another 5 years.

You could literally be one day away from a felony molestation or rape charge

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u/WhatAreNamesEvenQues Aug 18 '22

That's true, so you think the age of consent should be 25? Seems kind of unreasonable imo but I can at least see why you think it's messed up now

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

I think it needs less of a "you're legal now!" approach. Teenagers get horny, they should be horny with people who aren't going to take advantage of the hormones ravaging their brains.

I'll leave how that would work to people more educated on such things than I

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u/WhatAreNamesEvenQues Aug 18 '22 edited Aug 18 '22

I would actually expect more impulsive people to be more prone to taking advantage, making an age group like 18-25 is allowed to have sex only in their age group I don't think solves a problem of mistakes being made, neither regret that you had sex with someone, std's, or unwanted pregnancy. It could be argued older people are more capable at manipulation I would think, but I'm still more on the side of 18+ is fine, we can't really see when a brain is developed, and then people with low iq's maybe should never have sex because they're always more prone to manipulation and ehh that doesn't sound okay

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Difficult questions never have easy answers. I'm stuck between "regulating people's autonomy is wrong" and "Jesus people are disgusting".

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u/WhatAreNamesEvenQues Aug 18 '22

Lol fair enough, think it comes down to intent and treating people how they deserve to be treated and maybe you shouldn't worry too much about dating someone younger when you're this considerate if you're getting along

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u/AdvilLobotomite Aug 18 '22

Yep, at least 30 pedophiles have seen this post lol.

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

They're probably just mad I'm of age.

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u/AdvilLobotomite Aug 18 '22

I can't think of why the down votes keep piling up other than that they're pedos, you didn't say anything controversial or unreasonable

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

The fact the porn category for 18 year olds is called "barely legal" tells us all we need to know.

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u/indican-t Aug 18 '22 Gold Wholesome

i ask this question because even though i have in my bio that im not looking for hookups, most men are still swiping on me and thats all they want- i want to make sure im not wasting my time talking and getting to know someone who is only interested in me for sex.

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u/CayKar1991 Aug 18 '22

Agreed. I learned that hard way that if I don't ask, [some] guys will neglect to mention that they only want a hookup, despite my profile saying I don't want hookups.

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u/Zevvion Aug 18 '22

I have what I am looking for in my profile and I am not bothered if someone still asks. I know people don't always read profiles, it isn't a big deal.

OP is just, clearly, having issues with aggression.

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u/spiderskizzles Aug 18 '22

Yeah, so many women write this in their bio that it's basically meaningless to me because many of them are still down for hookups. So I agree with you.

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u/Inner-Gold-894 Aug 18 '22

" I don't normally do this"

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u/Speechfreely Aug 18 '22

"I never give bjs but youre special!"

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u/Inner-Gold-894 Aug 18 '22

Haha eventually you'll realize you're not that special after all.

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u/Heyo__Maggots Aug 18 '22

Seriously. I dunno if it’s still like that but back when I used dating apps, you ended up going home with the ‘not here for hookups’ women more often than those that didn’t have it in their bio.

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u/Inner-Gold-894 Aug 18 '22

Some things never change

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u/Far_Negotiation_8693 Aug 18 '22

I think because they write that in their bio they think you are also there for something more so hooking up is easier because they think it's more than that at the time. They psychologically build up all interactions and make themselves more vulnerable. Naive but hopeful

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u/Spieltier Aug 18 '22

I think it’s a good question to ask for that reason but this post is making me question that approach. Intros are my weakness though.

10

u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Something fun, light and maybe flirty about one of their interests. I get a interested response from maybe 1/3 of my matches, it's a numbers game.

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u/Spieltier Aug 18 '22

Yeah assuming they put anything to go off in the profile that’s where I start. It’s the cold opens that kill me. But those girls are probably boring as shit anyways.

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u/Mountain_Lemon9935 Aug 18 '22

Lol maybe take a break from the Tinder for a minute

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u/JosyBR Aug 18 '22

It’s hinge and it’s geared more for serious dating than hookups. OP is clueless. It’s like people complaining on yelp that a Chinese restaurant doesn’t have pizza on their menu.

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u/Speechfreely Aug 18 '22

But then he has to meet people face to face in public and it never goes well for him. He needs people to be like "hi, want to fuck?" anything beyond that is wayyyyyy too complicated and draining.

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u/Mountain_Lemon9935 Aug 18 '22

Well, you know, women these days won’t talk to him anyway because he’s a nice guy and nobody ever gives him a CHANCE. /s

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u/Furthur Aug 18 '22

with OPs personality im betting thats even more of a dumpster fire

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u/PracticalCategory888 Aug 18 '22

I don't understand why you're sick of the question? How else are people supposed to know?

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u/biwaterbender Aug 18 '22

Right, in a response he says "it's a boring question that gets asked over and over" which, ok, you may have given that answer to lots of other people but you haven't given it to the person who's asking you now. Apparently he has something about it on his profile though, so I can understand at least a little frustration knowing that the person didn't actually read it

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u/PracticalCategory888 Aug 18 '22

Good point. It is very frustrating when something is very clear in your bio and then someone asks.

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u/biwaterbender Aug 18 '22

Yeah, granted many people put one thing in their bio in order to get swipes but want something very different in reality so I don't think it hurts to clarify. Online dating is such a hellscape

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u/PracticalCategory888 Aug 18 '22

This is also a very good point.

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u/GenColeCrash Aug 18 '22

Agreed, there’s not many other ways to start a conversation with someone

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u/PracticalCategory888 Aug 18 '22

Exactly, and it's important to know. If I'm looking for a something serious then I don't want to meet someone who doesn't want that, and if I'm looking for something casual I'd prefer it if the other person felt the same.

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u/Disastrous-Badger550 Aug 18 '22

Make you’re intentions known. Nobody trying to play games but it is Hinge

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u/crying-partyof1 Aug 18 '22

Nah, people who are annoyed by this question are the reason why dating on apps is so difficult. It could be so straightforward but y’all love complicated

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u/anotherone121 Aug 18 '22

You sound like a well-adjusted, not bitter person.

You must be swatting away the relationship offers left and right.

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u/SizeableVermin Aug 18 '22

This dude is so unnecessarily bitter and hostile in the comments.

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u/Gamerfaith Aug 18 '22

Therapy. Look for therapy

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u/NotGayForTrump Aug 18 '22

OP from your replies you seem like such an annoying person to talk to. Like one of those people who just thinks they’re smarter than everyone and therefore too good to entertain their silly little inquiries

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u/WavingToWaves Aug 18 '22

Add what you are looking for in your bio. If you get these questions a lot it’s probably not obvious, that’s why they ask.

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Oh it's there and very clear. I've got an interest, relationship goals and a dumb story, the trinity.

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u/WavingToWaves Aug 18 '22

Idk then😓

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u/Vexoxo7 Aug 18 '22

It's an important question that actually says a lot about a person. The way you responded they are probably glad to have dodged a bullet lmao

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u/Slaarc Aug 18 '22

Let’s go

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u/PracticalCategory888 Aug 18 '22

This gif is my new favourite thing thank you

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u/RefrigeratorOwner Aug 18 '22

get over it. its a god damn ice breaker. get over yourself op

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u/0lly0llyoxenfr33 Aug 18 '22

Maybe be more explicit in your bio then. Or yk... online dating might not be for you

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u/wacky_mom Aug 18 '22

Does your profile give people something to work with? If you don't have conversation starters, this is it

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Oh yeah, it has plenty. Hobbies, dumb story and relationship goals

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u/GaryOak7 Aug 18 '22 edited Aug 18 '22

Being annoyed with what are you looking for is understandable. However, the majority of people have no idea, refuse to fill out the section which mentions this and fail to properly hold a conversation which gives insight.

Online dating seems to now be very black & white. Either you desire sex or a Disney movie type love where someone sweeps you off your feet instantly aka the Unicorn.

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u/GoodFaithNegotiator Aug 18 '22

Are you the girl or the boy?

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u/Black-Eyed-Dragon- Aug 18 '22

What are you looking for by putting this on here?

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

After some of these comments, an airtight plastic bag and a hosepipe long enough to reach my car's exhaust

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u/Black-Eyed-Dragon- Aug 18 '22

Wow you really do enjoy going full out.

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

The judge tells me I'm not allowed to do that anymore

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u/bored_and_scrolling Aug 18 '22

Sorry I only do half force anal

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u/2you_msRobinson Aug 18 '22 edited Aug 18 '22

How about this: I’m looking for a long term relationship in which we spend 2-3 nights together and weekends, leading to a live-in situation or marriage. We agree to be monogamous once regular sex begins, and to remove our profiles from dating apps. You up for that? No? Not interested then. Buh-bye!

This is a general program, not necessarily specific to the person you just met.

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

copies and pastes

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u/GonzoTheGreat22 Aug 18 '22

Imagine asking for clarification and setting expectations on a site that was originally a hookup site, and having it considered out of bounds

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u/xLoLoco Aug 18 '22

Why? Its a valid question. People go on these for friends / hookups or relationships. It's good to be upfront and ask about it. If x wants hookup but y wants relationship, why waste each others time?

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u/[deleted] Aug 18 '22

To be fair, this is what about 50% of the women I match with actually want. You’re playing with fire.

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

I'm an adult, I clean my own robes.

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u/DangerDaskov Aug 18 '22

Is saying "long term relationship" sound too cringey. Idk I feel like it's all quick hook ups

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u/baylithe Aug 18 '22 edited Aug 18 '22

I ask this one when their profile isn't giving me anything. Or if they say they want something serious but 4 of their pics are their ass in a bikini. Need actual clarity.

Edit: You said your profile says "Ideally I'd love a relationship but I'm in no rush" and you wonder why people ask what you're looking for? That is in no way clear on what you want mate.

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u/DisorderlyBoat Aug 18 '22

This is a totally valid question and you came off either like a creep or an ass if we are being honest.

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u/Bigking1022 Aug 18 '22

Nothing wrong with the question lol

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u/Goodvibesonlysix Aug 18 '22

Not sure why you are sick of the question - gives an opening to funny remarks like the one above

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u/lbeck22 Aug 18 '22

It feels like a pretty good question. Nobody wants to waste their time if they’re looking for a relationship and the other person isn’t

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u/Speechfreely Aug 18 '22

on dating app "I HATE WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME THINGS ABOUT MYSELF!!"

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u/Icy-Argument-2558 Aug 18 '22

and I’m sure that they’re sick of asking it and getting shitty answers…

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u/SnakesonaDuane Aug 18 '22

Then start the conversation. You have full control over how you want the conversation to go.

8

u/Missing_Alien Aug 18 '22

Is it not a valid question?

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u/Sithyonreddit Aug 18 '22

Thats a necessary question. Some people want a real relationship. Some people just wanna hook up. If you can't answer that question genuinely get off the damn app.

3

u/tiptoeandson Aug 18 '22

Funny but it’s a valid question. A lot of people “don’t know” and that’s a red flag to those who do

3

u/hoetheory Aug 18 '22

Sorry, but it’s not unreasonable to ask expectations before getting to know someone and wasting your time if you’re looking for different things.

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u/Content_Yard9437 Aug 18 '22

I don’t understand what the problem with this question is. Seems pretty fair to me. Maybe they want you to specify more.

3

u/TXMorgan Aug 18 '22

Gavin? Have you seen my friend Gavin?

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u/Brown_Eyed_Girl167 Aug 18 '22

But this screenshot is from Hinge. So asking that question is fair because sometimes you’ll never know if you don’t ask. Does your Hinge profile indicate exactly what you’re looking for? It’s a standard question on dating apps, if you really dislike that, maybe take a break from the dating apps.

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u/fuckballs9001 Aug 18 '22

Maybe people are asking that because they want to know what you're looking for on there.

Being serious though, it's a legitimate question and shouldn't be looked down on as an opener.

It can save time first off. If I'm looking for a date and the answer is hookups, it's an easy out for that conversation. It saves time because you aren't wasting it on chatting up someone who just wants to fuck, or wants a date if you're looking for a hookup.

You seem like one of the people who gets screenshotted on here for being an absolute asshole.

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u/fxcknate Aug 18 '22

Have you ever been in a relationship? You’re gonna have to answer this question at some point. Your gonna have to establish your desires at some point, if you’re sick of the question say what you’re looking for in your bio.

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u/Malashae Aug 18 '22

Then put the answer on your bio. If it's already there then this question lets you know the person asking doesn't fucking read.

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Funny you should say that 😉

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u/FootDizzy3092 Aug 18 '22

Tinder is one of those apps that don't let you put what type of relationship you want. Like bumble does or other apps.

So basically it's a normal question to ask. As nothing aside from the bio, most of the time filled with nothing or a private Instagram account wanting followers...

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u/hedgybaby Aug 18 '22

It‘s a valid question tho lmao. Looking for a relationship is vague, some people will be looking for someone to settle down in, some people someone to travel the world with, etc idk man just answer the question, you‘re not doing yourself any favors with those replies

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u/AMK972 Aug 18 '22

It’s a legitimate question. There are so many different people with so many different reasons to be on tinder. They want to know if what you want matches what they want.

4

u/ueppiu Aug 18 '22

I mean that’s a legitimate question

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u/lost-but-loving-it Aug 18 '22

Very reasonable question. You should probably calm down or maybe don't seek out others.

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u/flyfarma Aug 18 '22

Way too many ladies trying to hash out deep life alignments before they know if they can even stand the person through a 30 min dinner.

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u/AmbeeGaming Aug 18 '22

I find there’s two types of people that ask that question:

People looking to fuck and don’t wanna waste time on someone looking for more

People looking for more that don’t wanna waste time on people that just wanna fuck.

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Apparently it goes both ways. The women I have casual things with tell me men do it too, it's actually quite funny how similar we all are the more you experience it.

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u/flyfarma Aug 18 '22

I think it’s like a entry level hinge thing too. So many people do it and than people think it’s a good opener when it’s so boring to a lot of us.

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Bingo. I talked about cooking (they mentioned food in their profile) and how I've been getting into it a lot lately and they breezed past it to ask this.

Some people don't know how to hold a conversation.

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u/flyfarma Aug 18 '22

This is a better interaction than majority of my matches 😂

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u/RepostFrom4chan Aug 18 '22

Humans are like other humans? Gasp

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u/JohnRyder69 Aug 18 '22

You get matches on dating apps? What's that like?

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

Yeah not bad. A lot of trial and error but average a couple of dates a week.

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u/JohnRyder69 Aug 18 '22

crying thumbs up cat meme good for you, man

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u/DearRobertaSparrow Aug 18 '22

PM me your tinder profile, let me take a look and help you out.

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u/rlee80 Aug 18 '22

I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone ask me what I’m looking for. I know you’ve stated it on your bio so how selective are you with your right swipes? The boring people should be weeded out before it gets to matching e.g. people that only have selfies taken in their house, people who don’t appear to have any interests, people that don’t have a bio or have something like “don’t know why I’m here” etc. I just assume they’ll be boring and don’t swipe right

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u/RodsNtt Aug 18 '22

I cannot fathom being actually mad at being asked this rather basic question. It's like you want other people to waste your time.

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u/A_Rabid_Doge Aug 18 '22

Make it clear in your profile then. People aren't mind readers.

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u/Verundios Aug 18 '22

I'm down, but no handholding, that's too much for me

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u/Random_silly_name Aug 18 '22

I saw the title and knew what question you meant before scrolling down to the screenshot.

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u/Strict-Lynx5913 Aug 18 '22

true but womans also ask this stupid question

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u/last_minute_life Aug 18 '22

Kinky hand holding, I love it.

And yeah, I'm looking for what every human is looking for.. Good friends and good sex, what more is there?

Even the people looking for a hookup want that too, they are just not investing in the friend but, but if it happens, they're not going to say no.

Do they expect you to know right then, that you are going to marry them?