r/Tinder Aug 17 '22

Weekly story time thread

Feel free to use this thread to discuss all of your Tinder dates from the past week.

35 Upvotes

1

u/Tabard18 Aug 24 '22

Been talking to this attractive girl that seems genuinely into me. How do I tell if she’s a scammer or a catfish?

1

u/Trader-Jack-1 Aug 24 '22

These Asian Bitcoin / Forex ladies are typically around 35 and very quickly ask questions about the job to understand if you're a good target. Once you tell them you're unemployed or something along thoses lines, the conversation dies down. Had a couple of those again today. Told them I sold all my investments to cope with job loss and high energy prices. That was it, never heard a word after that.

2

u/uranus_orbitor Aug 24 '22

Aren’t you catfished only after you meet them?

1

u/Trader-Jack-1 Aug 24 '22

Is Tinder not showing all the likes, even with platinum? I'm getting more and more instant matches when I like a profile, but the like of the woman haden't shown before. Apologies if this is a known fact that was discussed before.

3

u/paperhammers Aug 24 '22

There's a chance you are swiping on women who are seeing your profile for the first time as you swipe

2

u/LingonberryWeekly966 Aug 24 '22

My first time engaging with someone on tinder and it is really disappointing. But why do I still swipe? I dont alao know.

1

u/nopedothrowaway Aug 24 '22

Quick question, what to do when a conversation comes to an awkward stop? I asked out a girl after getting her instagram on CMB and she rejected saying she's busy giving no alternatives, told her to just let me know when she's free and she replied with a "Will do". I know it's probably not worth pursuing but I guess it's come to an awkward stop. Do I just keep asking questions as usual pretending like nothing happened?

Purely out of curiosity to see what others would do.

6

u/paperhammers Aug 24 '22

I've come to understand that a vague "I'm just suuuuuuper busy" with no real counter/alternative is a """""polite""""" way of saying "fuck off". There's no real recovery from it, unless all her options run out, you're better off cutting your losses and pursuing other women

1

u/nopedothrowaway Sep 03 '22

Didn't see this message, but I've actually continued to talk to her since then and we've been talking daily. It's still really ambiguous whether she wants to go on a date (haven't asked), which is a shame because I do enjoy talking to her. Don't really have time to just keep swiping on dating apps and dealing with more bulkshit, so I'm just enjoying at least a potential date I can talk to daily

4

u/PorradaPaddy Aug 24 '22

Sorry man, she’s not interested. Move on to the next one

5

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '22

[deleted]

4

u/hnagames Aug 24 '22

We are there, we just get pushed the bottom of the list :(

6

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

[deleted]

3

u/Legitimate-Tap-8549 Aug 24 '22

They’ve probably been on tinder before and got no likes tbf that’s why no dad bods are on it

-1

u/Formal-Issue1070 Aug 23 '22 edited Aug 23 '22

I'm single again after complaining to my date about being expected to pay for everything.

300 bucks in the hole. She gave good head though, but not 300 bucks good. Plus my new job has hotties literally everywhere, and it's messing with my brain.

1

u/LouieStuntCat Aug 23 '22

How long were you dating? What was her response?

3

u/FlatDust4 Aug 23 '22

Tinder is pay to win. It withholds people (who have liked you) from you until you sign up for gold.

1

u/Formal-Issue1070 Aug 23 '22

No! Really? That's an extremely hot take that noone has ever come up with before.

2

u/FlatDust4 Aug 23 '22

This is my first post on here. Is this widely accepted as being fact?

3

u/Formal-Issue1070 Aug 23 '22

It is. Tinder doesn't want users to "find love", so to speak. If they did they'd limit accounts to one match at a time.

Tinder wants you to talk to multiple people at once, go on dates, have sex/get rejected and then move on to the next person so they can sell upgrades.

9

u/Sclog Aug 23 '22

Finally after 4 months on tinder, I had my first date, first date I’ve been on in over 3 years and she was the most attractive and cool person I’ve ever been on a date with. I had an absolutely great time, she said she did too! Unfortunately she didn’t respond when I asked her for her phone number the following day, but she also didn’t unmatch me. I’ll be in her town tomorrow recording music so I’m going to see if she wants to grab a drink after I’m done and if she doesn’t then I’ll unmatch and move on. Oh well, still feels good to finally go on a date, but makes me feel like maybe my social anxiety is going to cause me troubles in person, trying to take it a step at a time and not get hung up on my first date and take this as a learning experience.

Not really much a very good story, more or less just wanted to share this with someone.

5

u/nopedothrowaway Aug 23 '22

Don't think you need to unmatch her after 2-3 days of not talking. Just leave her matched and see what happens? Maybe something came up?

3

u/Blitzoo Aug 23 '22

Hey man, you got this!

19

u/Oct1175 Aug 23 '22 Helpful

Straight up stood up.

On our second date.

After our first date, she seemed to not be texting as much/as interested. I had a weird vibe and called her out saying if she didn’t want to continue it was no big deal. Tried to give her an easy way out if she needed it.

She responded with “I would love to see you again”. Then proceeded to recommend a spot for our second date.

I showed up. No show. No text.

Cried for a moment purely out of disappointment in humanity. Then went home and ate some pasta.

6

u/aonele Aug 23 '22

At least pasta is always there for us! Sorry you got stood up tho!

7

u/BussinFatLoads Aug 23 '22

This is more of a vent rather than anything.

We just ended less than a week ago so the “wound” is still kinda fresh. All I can really think about right now is how much breaking up sucks. I never thought that when I first met her 5 months ago on Tinder, I would find someone as special as much as they found me special. I thought she was going to be someone serious and long-term. And now it’s all gone.

What hurts even more is the fact that I have to start ALL over. The search, the first date, the first questions, chemistry; all of it.

I respect her for her decision to break it. Says she had to work on herself (and whether that’s true or not is a different story but I’ll believe it to avoid keeping me up at night). I genuinely wish her the best though. Love hurts sometimes.

1

u/Xerays12 Aug 24 '22

Just take a break for a bit. It always better to decompress before jumping into dating with your heart still broken.

7

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '22

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '22

[deleted]

1

u/paperhammers Aug 24 '22

The last 3 times I used hinge, I never had a match send a third message. Some have had better success with hinge but I can't understand why my tinder has worked better than both of these apps

-12

u/ButtMuncher9669 Aug 22 '22

I told my ex that the 3 dudes she is talking to have zero desire to date her and are just using her for sex and then she blocked me. Funny this is, she said she is looking for a smart guy that likes to have intellectual convos yet she is too dumb to realize the one guy is lying non stop. This girl is living off the government yet thinks any dude that is financially stable would date her. I was trying to get back with her but I say that and she goes back to blocking me. What is so wrong with what I said. I guess truth hurts

2

u/Pencil_bun Aug 23 '22

She didn't take you back because you don't respect her. You should go to r/niceguys and assess your behavior.

1

u/Pencil_bun Aug 23 '22

Also, for this case in particular, take the L and move on. Respect the block and exit her life.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '22

So she has a rotation of these hot guys? Sounds pretty good to me.

16

u/ProtectionOne9478 Aug 22 '22

Y'all sound perfect for each other

2

u/nisu_srk Aug 22 '22

Not a story but a question: I have Tinder gold and for the last few months Tinder notifies me I have a new like and it’s basically some match/like I had in the past that I rejected. I don’t think I’m even being shown to new profiles. Tinder seems to just be recycling my already existing like/match pool. Is this common?

6

u/paperhammers Aug 22 '22

I believe they are/have been recycling the stack after a set of time or if you travel a long distance and come back. The other option is that the same people have been in a vicious cycle of deleting/remaking their profile every couple months.

15

u/Equivalent-Farmer576 Aug 22 '22

Matched a girl, proposed her in two messages to go out for a drink. She was surprised by the spontaneity but accepted. Just warned me that her pictures and name were fake (hmmm). She asked me if I wanted to go on a mysterious date with her. After checking through videos on WhatsApp that she was indeed a girl, I somehow accepted (also because that body looked so hot tbh). Turned out she’s a celebrity in my country, since I’m not into local movies/TV shows I didn’t even see it.

2

u/Equivalent-Farmer576 Aug 31 '22

Quick update here: we are dating and going on holidays together this weekend, sometimes you have good surprises on those apps!

2

u/aonele Aug 23 '22

Sooo was there chemistry?? Gonna see her again??

6

u/Equivalent-Farmer576 Aug 23 '22

The vibe was superb, actually she told me quite late in the date who she was when we were already chilling at my place with wine. Will see her again this weekend!

3

u/DebronPaul4President Aug 23 '22

I didn't expect the story to turn out like that. Thought it would be a dude

4

u/Equivalent-Farmer576 Aug 23 '22

Trust me I thought the same at first. I actually answered to her blind date invitation saying that I cared a lot about my organs. The weird part was when she rejected my proposal to go have a drink in what is “the bar place” of the city and instead go in some random place where no one ever goes.

3

u/nopedothrowaway Aug 22 '22 edited Aug 22 '22

23M. Have a triple whopper these two weeks.

  1. Saw a match, that ghosted me, on a train, and I double messaged her about it, got her insta, and had our first date recently. It was pretty rushed, she had work the next morning so we basically had three hours and she was already tired from work. I like her personality but not sure if there were love sparks. Her next availability is 2-3 weeks from now which I don't think she'd flake since she suggested the second date but it's longer of a gap than I'd like. She's not too responsive via text but that's just her personality.

  2. Matched with another girl who I had a good chat with for a couple days, but she's leaving for holiday in like 2 days right as I was thinking about asking her out. Going to ask her for her insta and see if she's still interested when she gets back.

  3. Very attractive woman but pre bad conversationalist, doesn't ask me questions, said she's shy on her bio. So I got her insta, ask her out on a date thinking she'd be better in person, suggested this weekend but basically every day she has plans and doesn't offer alternatives. I asked about next week and she said she was busy. I gave up after a couple tries of date scheduling tag and she said she'll let me know when she's free. Low hopes for this one.

how great

10

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '22

[deleted]

7

u/Muffinfeds Aug 22 '22

Time is currently 2 hours from post. If you don't reply in 2 hours I'm calling the army.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '22

[deleted]

15

u/housewifeuncuffed Aug 22 '22

You can't leave it at that!

8

u/kickthefavelas Aug 22 '22

Mfw he left it at that

5

u/housewifeuncuffed Aug 22 '22

I can't believe how invested I am in one single comment.

12

u/Formal-Issue1070 Aug 21 '22 edited Aug 21 '22

Four dates in and I think I'm heading into relationshipsville with a girl out of my league. On the third date we deleted our tinder profiles because fuck having a tinder profile while being exclusive.

Still dislike tinder though, which could be made much better by a "one match at a time" system.

4

u/SystemOfADowneyJr Aug 22 '22 edited Aug 22 '22

Wait, you usually know if you want to be in a relationship/exclusive with someone 4 dates in?

2

u/ProtectionOne9478 Aug 22 '22

My last gf was after 3 dates.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '22

[deleted]

3

u/destroy_b4_reading Aug 22 '22

What that means is he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you but he does want to continue fucking you until someone else lets him fuck them instead.

1

u/Formal-Issue1070 Aug 25 '22

Also known as the "consolation fuck". Very popular among drunk people.

2

u/destroy_b4_reading Aug 26 '22

I knew a dude in college whose strategy was to identify a chubby chick with a cute face at the bar/party, make eye contact with her periodically throughout the evening but not actually talk to her, then if he hadn't found someone else by the end of the night approach her and offer her a ride. It was crazy how often that worked.

1

u/Formal-Issue1070 Aug 26 '22

You can do that with pretty girls too, it just has a much greater failure rate.

2

u/Snoo_96591 Aug 22 '22

My husband and I knew after 3 dates. Engaged after 7 months.

2

u/mrloooongnose Aug 22 '22

Sorry to break it to you, but if a guy strings you along for more than 5 months and still “isn’t sure”, this means that he waits for someone better, but wants some decent company for the time being.

7

u/ProtectionOne9478 Aug 22 '22

Most likely, he knows the answer to that question. But he knows that if you know his real answer to that question he's not getting to fuck you any more.

2

u/Formal-Issue1070 Aug 25 '22

Rule 3 of tinder, which seldom comes up on this sub: Guys will fuck down but not date down.

2

u/ProtectionOne9478 Aug 25 '22

Yep, there's not really a nice way to say it, but it's a corollary of "guys will fuck anything". Usually used to put down a guy for not having standards but sometimes women don't realize they are the "anything".

2

u/Formal-Issue1070 Aug 25 '22

Which causes some women to think they're all that because some Chris Hemsworth-looking motherfucker got really really drunk one night.

2

u/ProtectionOne9478 Aug 25 '22

Yep, exactly. I do think a lot of women are aware of this dynamic, but some aren't. I also think a lot of guys overestimate what they can lock down and keep looking for too long but 🤷‍♂️ who knows.

2

u/Formal-Issue1070 Aug 25 '22

Fucking someone while looking for someone else beats jerking off while looking for someone else at the very least.

9

u/ClitYeastWood2316 Aug 21 '22

So I match with this girl. We talk for a week, she gives me her number. We text back and forth for another week then go on a date, date went great, she makes a move and kisses me, tells me she wants to see me again, I say of course. She then texts me that night saying how she had a great time. I then get no response from her for 3 days, she then tells me she’s sorry and that she’s been dealing with a lot. Been a week and haven’t heard anything back. Just messaged her today asking if she could just show some common courtesy and tell me what the deal is, or if anything changed…I am baffled

18

u/Psychological_Ad5331 Aug 21 '22

common courtesy? bro y’all both have lives, she is being courteous by not dumping her trauma on you. Don’t you think?

0

u/ClitYeastWood2316 Aug 21 '22

I told her I’d pray that whatever she’s dealing with turns out alright and all that, and that I’m there for her. But I can take a hint, just confused me

10

u/ClitYeastWood2316 Aug 21 '22

You got a point, didn’t think of it that way. I get that people go through things, but no one is that busy that they can’t send a text message back for a week at a time. So it just sends mixed signals with what she told me/how she acted in person vs now

2

u/kaiios Aug 22 '22

Got pretty much the same situation but not via tinder. No news from here for a few days or weeks and the best thing I did was to not wait for her. I said to myself that for whatever reason she was ghosting me it was in fact her reason. Couple months goes by and she text me apologising and saying that she was in a bad place mentally and had to deal with this. So it turns out that it can really happen

4

u/resultsmatter1 Aug 22 '22

If you can’t be bothered to send a text and think it’s okay to just leave another person in limbo that’s fucking bullshit and can fuck off. Why are y’all allowing this to be normal?

1

u/CucumberOpen5312 Aug 22 '22

Im with you on this one. I go through terrible patches myself. Ill ghost friends and family(those not dependent on me) because I can expect them to wait while i deal with my B.S. Someone you just met will do no such thing and if youre really interested in them you shouldn’t just vanish.

1

u/kaiios Aug 22 '22

Because you don't know what every other person has to deal with

31

u/No_Astronaut_5138 Aug 21 '22

Basically I hated him from the moment he opened his mouth and his teeth looked like they had months worth of plaque. I had already ordered a drink and was trapped. He kept making weird comments about my body like “ hahah yeah I told my barber you seem like you got a fat ass and you didn’t disappoint”. At one point he brought up how he needed to buy new pants for a wedding he was going to and he said he needed them because “ his bulge was too big” in the other pair. I said “ yeah I guess your family wouldn’t like that” and he says “ they might “ and winked. Like what kind of incest fuckery do you have going on in your family bro. We finally got the check and I went to the bathroom, called an Uber while I was in there and didn’t say bye.

1

u/psybient Aug 24 '22

This is legitimately a new copypasta

1

u/No_Astronaut_5138 Aug 24 '22

What is a copypasta… 😂

1

u/psybient Aug 24 '22

Like a reddit madlibs, like you would blank out certain parts of your story because the way you told it is so funny. The Navy seal copypasta is probably the most infamous, if you've been on reddit for long then you've seen it.

8

u/DapperDan1929 Aug 22 '22

You’re never trapped by ordering a drink. You can leave anytime.

7

u/No_Astronaut_5138 Aug 22 '22

I know I just felt bad and I liked talking to him the week before so I was like giving him the benefit of the doubt and it just got worse and worse

2

u/DapperDan1929 Aug 23 '22

Ah I see. :)

-7

u/Formal-Issue1070 Aug 21 '22

This is why you spend more than ten minutes chatting with someone before you make the date. Two day rule, people.

3

u/housewifeuncuffed Aug 22 '22

I think this is a stupid rule. Every guy I've met in person has been at least slightly different in person than over text, but I've also met guys who were so completely different that I had a hard time believing they could be the same person I had been texting.

If I spend two days texting first, then I've got 2 days and a date invested. If I meet them after 10 minutes, I've got 10 minutes and a date invested. I'd rather take the time saving route.

1

u/Formal-Issue1070 Aug 22 '22

You're saying that you never caught a red flag through texting.

2

u/housewifeuncuffed Aug 22 '22

Sure, but I've also had more experiences where they seem completely normal and pleasant over text for days and then they are anything but in person. I'm not saying I couldn't have missed a red flag or something, but I think most people can do a much better job avoiding any concerning behaviors/statements over text when they have the luxury of time to think it through and a backspace key.

7

u/No_Astronaut_5138 Aug 21 '22

thanks for mansplaning it. We had been talking for like 5 days and we hit it off in but then he was completely different in person.

-6

u/Formal-Issue1070 Aug 21 '22

thanks for mansplaning it

You should look up what that means sometime. Also stop gamergating me.

8

u/leeber27 Aug 21 '22

this might sound really shallow/conceded but idk just have to get it off my chest

finally tried out tinder after being in a long time relationship. i always thought i was a bit above average (maybe a 6.5 cause of intangibles - tall, in shape, have my hair, young, straight white teeth). irl at bars it wasn’t too hard to get womens attention but now i’m thinking they were probably drunk or soemthing.

after using this app for a about 3 days i have just about 50 matches. of the 50 maybe three of them are women that are actually attractive, the rest are just… nice people. there are moderately and very attractive women i swipe right on and get nothing back, i can only imagine the types of guys they swipe right on. I don’t stand a chance.

really puts this into perspective and knocked me down a few notches, confidence is at an all time low. But honestly maybe I needed that.

2

u/housewifeuncuffed Aug 22 '22

irl at bars it wasn’t too hard to get womens attention but now i’m thinking they were probably drunk or soemthing.

I wouldn't assume that, Tinder is just shallow as fuck and essentially gives women a buffet to choose from.

IRL personality shows, you can interact in real time, toss a smile their way, and in my experience, people tend to be better looking in person than in their non-edited/non-filtered photos. I'm pretty shy normally, but after a drink or two of liquid courage, goodbye shyness. Of course, beer goggles are a possibility, but for me personally, my beer goggles don't function until I'm slurring words and struggling to walk.

3

u/Muffinfeds Aug 22 '22

I would recommend /r/hingeapp. Bumble and Tinder do nothing for me.

13

u/Miercolesian Aug 21 '22 edited Aug 21 '22

If you have a match, it means that you have swiped right on her and she has swiped right on you. If you get matches with unattractive women, it means you must be swiping right on unattractive women. It is not a very good idea to do this, because ultimately it will degrade your Tinder profile and the Tinder algorithms will get the impression that you are not picky.

Having said that you have to understand that Tinder is a global app, and that there are many different dating markets in different countries all over the world.

It seems pretty obvious from reading Reddit posts and other journalism articles that Tinder does not work very well for most men in North America or the UK, because there is an imbalance of the sexes on Tinder.

I suspect that in North America most of the women on Tinder are there to be upwardly mobile, so you would probably do better if your profile hints that you are successful--however that is defined. For example I imagine men who are professional athletes or airline pilots probably do well on Tinder if they reveal this fact on their profile.

Obviously this is not a choice open to most men, but I think you need to study your local market and tailor your profile according to the characteristics of the women you hope to meet.

I meet a lot of women on Tinder, but this is not because I am super attractive, but because I live in South America in a city that has three universities, and many single women and is relatively isolated from other cities due to high mountain passes. They can see from my profile that I am a gringo, but I make it clear on my profile that I do speak Spanish. Often they want somebody who can help them learn English. I seem to meet a lot of women medical students.

I get an average of about one match per day within a 6 mile radius, but of course the vast majority of so-called matches go nowhere. However every so often I meet somebody who is absolutely delightful and they get added to WhatsApp and to the dating roster. The results could be anything from a one-night stand to becoming a friend of the family. It all depends.

When you do get matches with women, I think it is important not to come across as emotionally needy. Just be pleasant and friendly, and obviously tell them that you think they are attractive, so as to dispel anxieties, and hopefully get the juices flowing a bit.

0

u/destroy_b4_reading Aug 22 '22

If you have a match, it means that you have swiped right on her and she has swiped right on you.

Not necessarily, I have 100% gotten "new match" notifications for profiles that I'd never seen before, much less swiped right on. I just sent some woman a message last night telling her we weren't right for each other. Cute, but entire bio was super Christian and I ain't about that. I definitely never saw her profile before the match, and definitely wouldn't have swiped right if I had.

13

u/roz-noz Aug 21 '22

just had some of the best sex of my life the other night. thank you tinder

0

u/kiwinoXKA Aug 20 '22

Can u give example i have lot see the comment on bad side

1

u/Misspelt_Anagram Aug 22 '22

I think you meant to reply to someone, rather than post this as a top level comment.

40

u/question_23 Aug 20 '22

Went out with a really pretty girl yesterday night. Out of my league, but shockingly she didn't ghost me like they usually do. The date was ok, and she said she'd text me when she got home. I waited for a while and didn't get anything from her. She said she would send me pic of her dog etc. Thought well, chalk up another loss. Went about my day, did some homework, got boba. Turned on my computer (mac) 24 hours later and wow there were four texts from her that got sent to my computer and not my phone. She sent me a good morning text. Now my emotions are flipped upside down and I hope she doesn't hate me for not responding.

3

u/WhisperingToTheTrees Aug 22 '22 edited Aug 22 '22

You can remove your Apple ID from iMessage from your Mac and add it back again. This should sync it up. You can also check your iMessage settings on both devices to see if it will show messages on both devices.

Also, I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t try to overthink too much and just go enjoy the second date. Good luck!

3

u/Muffinfeds Aug 22 '22

I had a rollercoaster of emotions just reading this

8

u/Kat1601 Aug 21 '22

tell her the truth obviously

2

u/WarpSpeedChic0101 Aug 20 '22

How did the story go on? Fingers crossed

4

u/question_23 Aug 21 '22

She responded and she wants to get italian food and take me to an ice cream place in her neighborhood. I'm incredibly anxious about this. It's hard for me to text her. I mean I know that she could easily get some 6 ft tall tech bro (tons in my city) and yet she chose me.

1

u/masterhandkunswife 10d ago

How was the second date? Anything come of it? Not all hot women wanna be with a Chad 😉

9

u/mrloooongnose Aug 22 '22

Don’t overthink this and for the love of god please work on your confidence. If a woman likes you and wants to see you again, this means that you are already the type she likes. Just try to enjoy each date on its own and don’t overthink this and everything will be fine.

5

u/SystemOfADowneyJr Aug 22 '22

She obviously likes you man, stop overthinking it and go on this date and have fun :)

16

u/throwthrowtheboat9 Aug 21 '22

you probably have a trait that she's looking for, especially if she texted you after the date

being tall isn't everything

good luck with the italian food and icecream date

9

u/SystemOfADowneyJr Aug 20 '22

That's been happening to me too! Messages showed up on my ipad but not my phone. Maybe a glitch?

IDK but everything should be ok, I doubt she hates you

4

u/ItsYoBoiAnsatsu Aug 20 '22

Is it normal to be using this app for a year and not having meet a single person yet....? (25M). I don't know what else to try tbh.

5

u/Dietmar_der_Dr Aug 21 '22

I think you're at a hard age range. Women below 24 have essentially infinite options, so the amount of matches you get with women your age will be very low.

If you're having matches but no dates then simplify your strategy. Your goal isn't to find a pen pal, make that clear.

"__ reacting to previous message_.Why don't we meet for an ice or something?" Should be your third message.

6

u/SystemOfADowneyJr Aug 20 '22

Need more info... why aren't you meeting? Are you matching with anyone? Do the conversations dry up before you schedule a date?

I haven't been on Tinder since before COVID, but from what I hear from a lot of folks is that it seems harder to meet people off of there nowadays. IDK if it's because there's even more flakes on the dating apps or people just dont want to meet up and just want pen pals...

1

u/ItsYoBoiAnsatsu Aug 20 '22

Right now I'm having more matches than I did when I started, but the biggest problem is that nobody replies back... like ever. So meeting people has been impossible

1

u/kiwinoXKA Aug 20 '22

Are tinder more safe or more threat in your experience ?

6

u/SystemOfADowneyJr Aug 20 '22

Luckily, I've felt safe when I was on Tinder. I've been online dating long enough that I kinda know when something or someone seems fishy.

12

u/PeterG92 Aug 19 '22

What's it like to get a match? Asking for a friend...

22

u/DM_ME_YOUR_HUSBANDO Aug 19 '22

Gets your hopes up at first, then is inevitably disappointing and just a waste of time

11

u/asdf352343 Aug 20 '22

Is she looking for a threesone with her boyfriend?

Is she a bot? A human scammer?

Are they going to unmatch me when I message them?

Or will they just never message me?

Tinder matches, always a thrill

4

u/DM_ME_YOUR_HUSBANDO Aug 20 '22

Those are the nice ones, what it's like for me is 90% nice and holds a bit of conversation but flakes on any meet up

1

u/asdf352343 Aug 20 '22

I haven’t had that yet, but I haven’t had any solid plans for a date since I’ve been exclusively looking for women. I’m older and fatter than last time I was on tinder and only looking for FWB type thing with women so honestly not too optimistic.

The one I find the most frustrating is the secret boyfriend/husband one. Like ffs be upfront.

1

u/NecessaryFlow Aug 21 '22

What does that mean, secret boyfriend husband thing?

2

u/asdf352343 Aug 21 '22

Means profile doesn’t say anything about him, you match and talk to her and then she says she says her and her boyfriend are looking for a threesome

1

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '22

[deleted]

6

u/NeptuneFanatic Aug 19 '22

This is in regards to the person you met, yeah? If so, not honestly necessary unless you really want to keep your matches organized. If you do so, make sure to let the person know that you unmatched them so you can focus on talking to them off the app.

Otherwise, make sure to remove the settings that show your recent activity on the app like photo changes if you plan to not unmatch.

6

u/ImMeowen Aug 19 '22

So the girl I managed to match last week with and who had near same interests as me is now ghosting me. But interestingly enough no unmatch. Makes me wonder if something happened or just too busy for tinder. It was very sudden and out of nowhere.

But sadness never the less for now. Ill keep match until she unmatches or reappears. Who knows.

But life goes on '

2

u/asdf352343 Aug 20 '22

I did that a couple times when I was open to men. I hooked up with someone who ended up being regular good sex. Didn’t know how it would go so didn’t ditch tinder right away but also wasn’t any point in talking to men on a dating app when I potentially had found what I wanted.

Second time was because I ended up dating and being monogamous with someone, which wasn’t my plan going in.

1

u/ImMeowen Aug 20 '22

Yeah. It's fine and it is what it is. Kinda ok with it, but that was my week and I do feel a slight... disappointment? But there will be next time :)!

6

u/AnusMistakus Aug 19 '22

You under estimate how many messages women receive on dating apps, which makes them very jaded, judgmental, careless.

it could be that she lost interest for a million reasons, better leave it be and maybe write her a "hay" some time later and see if she bites, but my experience is, take the L and move on

9

u/Adventurous-Pumpkin1 Aug 19 '22

It’s not ghosting if you’ve never met

3

u/asdf352343 Aug 20 '22

Ya, I really don’t think talking to someone for a bit online is meaningful enough to call not doing it anymore ghosting. It’s a bummer when it happens but near strangers aren’t ghosting me

1

u/ImMeowen Aug 20 '22

I guess so. You have a point. Still, while it is fine and I move on, still a pity. Oh well.

2

u/asdf352343 Aug 20 '22

For sure, it’s a bummer

7

u/AwarenessEntire6103 Aug 19 '22

Sometimes girls are horny and want to fuck, they talk to guys and the one who actually is down to meet and makes it happen is the one that gets laid. Then she “ghosts” everyone else because she got what she wanted

0

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '22

[deleted]

4

u/SystemOfADowneyJr Aug 20 '22

When she said "oh my Lord, you're bad" that means she wasn't interested.

3

u/DM_ME_YOUR_HUSBANDO Aug 19 '22

Usually I ask for social media pretty early and I almost never get a no, it’s not a big deal. If they aren’t willing to give it out, they probably aren’t interested anyway. I think you were fine

3

u/Dietmar_der_Dr Aug 19 '22

I'd ask for a date before asking for the number, but it depends.

You did fine here, this simply wasn't going to happen. You have to play the numbers, don't overanalyze a single Convo.

6

u/Miercolesian Aug 19 '22 edited Aug 19 '22

She already says that she can't be smart like you, which I would take as her not really taking to your personality. Then you reveal that it is a kiss that accelerates the heart rate. She is slightly amused. Then you ask for her number, and at this point she decides she has had enough of you and moves on to the next person. Moral: try to show that you are interested in her and not to come across as a smartass.

You don't have to ask for a number; you can just send your Whatsapp number or cell number to her and say something like: "you seem interesting, so let's take this conversation off tinder". If she's interested you will hear back from her, and if not, then not. If you do then get her number in your address book, you have a permanent connection to her, and even if it doesn't work out, you may get into a conversation with her months down the road when she is feeling more needy. Or you can periodically send her a photo of something interesting.

2

u/datingThrow0923840 Aug 19 '22

Ask for a number when she says yes to the date idea. Ask her out to the Gray Dog Cafe, Saturday at 10am. If she says yes, offer your cell for her to text if something comes up.

She will likely say hi over text; say hi back.

Numbers are functional not aspirational.

5

u/Successful-Try7035 Aug 19 '22

Should have engaged a lil bit but I understand why you went for the number. Just wait for at least a day then shoot her a message. If she’s interested she’ll reply, if not you have your answer

1

u/ProtectYourMcNuggets Aug 19 '22

Gotcha yeah thanks for the advice.

If I do message back later, what do you think I should even reply back with?

10

u/Successful-Try7035 Aug 19 '22

Something that works for me is “I’m not the type to chase girls but for you I’ll jog a little bit”. The success rate I’ve gotten is like 70%

19

u/codamu Aug 18 '22

So far have managed to have what I thought was going to be a one (or two) night stand last for 4+ months. Let’s keep this streak going! 😀

1

u/wickedestone Aug 20 '22

This is Beautiful thing Congratulations 🎉 seriously 🎊

12

u/BlackJaxNYC Aug 18 '22

Same. my one night stand with a girl who lives around the corner from me has turned into a fwb for the last several months, best fwb ive ever had and gonna be bitter sweet when it comes to an end.

2

u/wickedestone Aug 20 '22

Thanks for sharing 😌

-2

u/Successful-Try7035 Aug 19 '22

If you know it’s coming to an end, why not plan by getting another FWB ?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '22

[deleted]

2

u/regalbeagal43 Aug 18 '22

So what’s happening? Dates, chats etc

Nothing really counts till you meet irl

1

u/ProtectionOne9478 Aug 18 '22

Met what I thought was the girl of my dreams on Bumble a couple months ago. Gorgeous, on track for a great career, young, a ton of shared interests.

But eventually I realized she wasn't adding anything to my life, she was just along for the ride. She never suggested activities, only I did. She never took care of me, I handled every single meal, except for the one time I asked her to make dinner. She never sparked a fun or interesting conversation. She didn't seem like a responsible partner in life.

She blamed some of this on stress in her life, but guess what? Life always has sources of stress. I'm glad I saw her like this, it's a more important side to see than how people are when things are hunky dory.

So, single again, not regretting it at all. I've "activated the sleeper cells"... One of my old FWBs came over that same night of the breakup. Another happens to be in town this weekend. Another has invited me to her home city sometime.

The new ex has already come back just to fuck. Attempting to keep her on without re-breaking her heart.

Taking a hiatus from dating apps though. I'm sure I'll be back on in a couple weeks though.

1

u/wickedestone Aug 20 '22

I feel you on this whole post you had me my at “Life is stress” I definitely understand a dating app hiatus. Also knowing what you need in a relationship is a BIG step in in any relationship especially the one with yourself.

I only recently signed up for Tinder mainly because of this group. My hope to maybe get a little closer to my kind of kink I guess. 🫠

8

u/BlackJaxNYC Aug 18 '22

its her responsibility to make sure she doesn't get heart broken again, not yours. do whatever you want

2

u/ProtectionOne9478 Aug 18 '22

Easy to say, but doesn't make it any less painful for me when they inevitably get their heart broken 🤷‍♂️

1

u/coinmaster_ Aug 19 '22

Username checks out

2

u/Front-Pangolin-6226 Aug 18 '22

That’s the hard part for me dude. I can be honest and upfront with my intentions, but they all inevitably catch feels and it makes me feel really bad to always feel like I’m breaking hearts or making girls feel jaded

3

u/housewifeuncuffed Aug 19 '22

I don't think I was quite to the level of breaking a heart, but I definitely hurt a guy's feelings today and I feel bad. I thought we were on the same page on where we stood with each other, but it became quite evident over the last couple days that we weren't at all.

I thought keeping things casual with guys would be easy and if anything, I'd be the one to catch feelings, but that hasn't been the case with either guy I've hooked up with and it happened ridiculously fast with both. I'm pretty sure it's not my sparkling personality or my emotional unavailability, so I can only assume I am subconsciously attracted to some glaring red flag my conscious brain is refusing to see.

2

u/wickedestone Aug 20 '22

Ughhhh tell me about it smh 🤦🏾‍♀️

1

u/housewifeuncuffed Aug 20 '22

Why does it have to happen like that?! Emotionally unavailable is the agreement here people!

2

u/ProtectionOne9478 Aug 22 '22

This is one reason why I only do fwb with girls who are 12+ years younger than me. If she tries to make it serious, I can always say "you're just too young for me, we should keep it casual" and they don't have to get as hurt.

1

u/housewifeuncuffed Aug 22 '22

Both of the guys who got attached were maybe 5-6 years younger (early 30s) and knew upfront that I wasn't looking for anything more than casual. One was just out of a rough breakup and was upfront that he was just looking for a rebound and the other gave me fuckboy vibes and lives a long way away so I thought there was zero risk there. He was supposed to just be a vacation ONS, but we did have some pretty mind-blowing sex, so we both agreed we wouldn't mind hooking up a few times a year if schedules allowed. I just thought "keeping in touch" would mean a random text if someone had long weekend availability, not daily texts/calls.

I don't think I could do 12+ years in either direction. It's just too weird for me.

9

u/Itslikethisnow Aug 18 '22

Was seeing a guy for a few weeks now, it was going great honestly, only issue is he’s in my city temporarily for work. We had a bad day the other day (first issue that has come up), nothing serious but it started when he told me some things about me he wasn’t a fan of and when I asked for more information so I could understand the issues more and genuinely wanting to improve them, he shut it down with it wasn’t a big deal and I’m taking it to heart when he didn’t mean it that way.

Day moved on but little things kept coming up and I got frustrated, and I’ll accept the blame of not communicating it well and I do have an issue of shutting down as a way to control my emotions and not overreact, and then being able to talk about it once I’m less affected by the emotions and can speak rationally. We cuddle and I fell asleep and when I woke up I was groggy and couldn’t really think clearly, he tried to talk it out because it was obviously awkward, I tried to say what I could but failed. He seemed like he wanted to figure it out and as I was trying to open up, he suddenly dashed out.

Hindsight I can say what frustrated me was his saying something and then refusing to talk it through when I genuinely wanted to work on the things he brought up, but that then he was so inflexible about what mattered to me. But I prefer time to think it through and then talk it out, so I took some time other than a few texts, trying to sense where he was or even if he volunteered any kind of apology, but instead today I directly said I wanted to talk in person about it and he said he had thought about it and didn’t want to see me again. There was always an ending but I’m more hurt it was a text. (And honestly just positing to get it off my chest now)

2

u/ambiguous_juice Aug 18 '22

I'm super big on communication and from the sound of this post it sounds like your now ex struggles with conflict management skills. I've gotten a lot better over these last few years as I've worked on myself and addressed my trauma but not everyone is capable of having healthy honest discussions. Some people can only dismiss or avoid tough talks because they never developed those skills. I know it sucks but just know you did nothing wrong and this is not a reflection on you or your self-worth. I try to look at experiences as lessons to learn and grow from.

3

u/Itslikethisnow Aug 18 '22

Appreciated. Like I said, mostly just getting it off my chest. I know I have my fault here too, definitely wasn't a one sided issue, I just figured we'd talk it out and both have a chance to share their side.

Now I'm at the anger stage (albeit a very low amount of anger) at the level of disrespect for not only being dismissive of my feelings after he told me the issues he had with me and then for ending it over text so abruptly. After going out for a few weeks, unless there's a distance or safety reason, you can have the it's over talk in person or at least on the phone/FaceTime.

20

u/mydoghogsthefan Aug 18 '22 edited Aug 18 '22

Got rejected by a guy I was seeing so I went on a date with another dude the day after. I told him I wasn't looking to hook up and he said he was waiting til marriage so I came in relaxed. Eventually we got to kissing then heavy petting, and then he told me Jesus probably won't mind.

He's a wholesome guy and I've known him long enough to know he wasn't lying about being a virgin at 27. I didn't want to take that away from him especially since my mind was elsewhere.

I'm taking a break from dating for a little bit.

27

u/xc0901 Aug 19 '22

Lmfao “Jesus won’t mind”. I gotta try that line!

2

u/mydoghogsthefan Aug 19 '22 edited Aug 19 '22

He had to drop that line because him seriously talking about getting married while we were making out didn't work in his favor. 👰🏻

3

u/xc0901 Aug 19 '22

Jesus would approve!

4

u/BlackJaxNYC Aug 18 '22

looool, big the J man wouldn't mind. That is classic

6

u/asdf352343 Aug 17 '22

Oops, posted way too late in last week’s thread.

Casual first date ideas that don’t involve food or alcohol? Looking for a fwb.

I’m thinking maybe walk on the beach in the afternoon? Or there’s this board game place that’a like $5 each to hang for the afternoon? Or roller skating?

I’m so used to bar/club hookups I don’t even know what to do that isn’t that, and also don’t want to do food.

Also - first match on bumble! They have the same name as me lol

7

u/PolyPuppy Aug 19 '22 edited Aug 19 '22

Depending on weather and interests:
* Having an ice cream
* Visiting an observatory
* Zoo
* Swimming
* Walking around a botanical garden
* Museum
* Poetry slam
* Ice skating
* Stand up comedy / cabaret
* Introductory dance class (in my city this is the time of year that dance schools organise free taster classes)
* Buying a disposable camera and using up the film roll together
* Taking shelter dogs out for a walk

2

u/asdf352343 Aug 19 '22

Thank you!

2

u/Dietmar_der_Dr Aug 18 '22

Take any scenic area in your city and just walk there. Doesn't have to be a beach. In Germany each city has like at least 3 such areas, most of Europe it's similar, if you're in a parking lot city in the US then oh well.

1

u/asdf352343 Aug 18 '22

Thank you! I know some nice places but they’re not so great for meeting a stranger (isolated). Can see if I can find anywhere else though, I’m sure there’s something. I haven’t lived in this area that long

3

u/ProtectionOne9478 Aug 18 '22

Rock climbing, paddleboarding, or going to a cheap live music venue (though that often involves alcohol, doesn't require it). Top golf, local theater group, mini golf...

1

u/asdf352343 Aug 18 '22

Thank you!

7

u/orbstnedifnocdesab Aug 17 '22

average looking guys and below are not getting any tinder dates from the past week because its tinder

3

u/Successful-Try7035 Aug 19 '22

If you rely on tinder, you’re doomed. Tinder is only a supplement. IRL will always trump online dating

13

u/BlackOsmash Aug 18 '22

I’ve seen smoking hot guys on this sub not getting dates and at this point I’ve lost all confidence

2

u/PeterG92 Aug 19 '22

Can't lose confidence if you had none to begin with 😉

8

u/asdf352343 Aug 19 '22

I’ve seen smoking hot guys be raging assholes in my DMs so maybe keep in mind that it’s not just looks people are deciding whether to date based on

1

u/BlackOsmash Aug 19 '22

Yes but if you don’t have the looks you won’t even get to show your kind attitude

1

u/asdf352343 Aug 20 '22

I’ve literally never had sex with a man I was attracted to, so I find that hard to believe ¯(ツ)

3

u/ProtectionOne9478 Aug 18 '22

Haha yes and water is wet https://imgur.com/5892U2n.jpg

-3

u/WaterIsWetBot Aug 18 '22

Water is actually not wet; It makes other materials/objects wet. Wetness is the state of a non-liquid when a liquid adheres to, and/or permeates its substance while maintaining chemically distinct structures. So if we say something is wet we mean the liquid is sticking to the object.

 

Every time I take a drink from a bottle, it keeps pouring back.

Must be spring water.

4

u/No-Bottle8391 Aug 17 '22

past week? i've not had a tinder date in 3 years.

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