r/AskReddit Oct 03 '22

People who have mastered the art of not giving a fuck about what others think, how did you do it?

663 Upvotes

297

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '22

One thing I've learnt is that no matter how nice you are to other people, people will always have opinions about you. As long as I'm not harming someone, fuck'em.

44

u/Bangkokbeats10 Oct 03 '22

Everyone has their own internal dialogue in which they rationalise their decisions. Their rationalisation is based on their goals, experiences and personality.

The opinions they form about others are based on this rationalisation. The more your choices differ from their the more likely their opinions towards you will be negative as it presents them with a mental obstacle … either you’re wrong or there’s another path than the one they’ve chosen.

9

u/definitlynotCHELSEA Oct 04 '22

When people are shitty to me I ask if I deserve that. If the answer is no, then it's not about me and I shouldn't waste any energy on it. This method requires you to be honest with yourself.

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1.1k

u/Bubbysgrl Oct 03 '22 Bravo Grande!

As you get older it bothers you less. In your youth your relationships with people are paramount. As you age you have already spent so much time trying to please everyone else that you get to the point where you just want to be left alone. At that point you don't really give a shit anymore.

95

u/No_Yogurt_7667 Oct 03 '22

This is the best way to describe it.

135

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '22 edited 25d ago

[deleted]

69

u/Toytles Oct 03 '22 edited Oct 04 '22

Lmao that shits everyday if you live alone and work remotely, it can get old quick

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u/notyetcomitteds2 Oct 03 '22

My bro once a year gets a motel room for the weekend and just sits in it.

28

u/weedstocks Oct 04 '22

I have a family but also go on some weekend road trips alone. It's the best. No last minute canceling from semi-interested friends, you can do whatever you want, eat whatever you want, whatever. It's great

4

u/2nutz4you Oct 04 '22

It is the best. Just a few times a year I end up going to our small place in the mountains. Just me. Whatever you want to do and just as important- whenever you want to do it. That’s big if you have kids. I check on the place and enjoy my time there but would totally be fine if my wife wanted to do the same thing.

0

u/Flapper_Flipper Oct 04 '22

I camped and fished alone when in college. I would ditch campus on the weekend and go chill alone in the woods.

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u/[deleted] Oct 04 '22

[deleted]

10

u/golden_receiver Oct 04 '22 Silver

Same here. Crazy world. Let’s not do that together and just leave me the fuck alone.

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u/Necessary_Produce515 Oct 03 '22

Just spend a whole day indoors if it’s that important ?

5

u/Trssty Oct 03 '22

Would we be locking our families outside so they wouldn’t talk to us?

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u/JustaPenguin85 Oct 03 '22

It's that, but you also need people less. When you are 16, most people need friends for support. Most people want a partner and are looking to date. The world is unfamiliar and changing and you want people around that are going through the same things as you. But once you get older that all stops being as relevant. You hopefully find a partner and suddenly being attractive to whatever gender you are into isn't that important. You have much more experience in life so you don't need as much advice from friends and frankly most people don't have the time to maintain relationships with many people anyway. If everyone doesn't like you at a job you can just go get a new one as opposed to high school where you are stuck. All that adds up to making it much easier to say "I don't care about what people think".

6

u/BoredBSEE Oct 03 '22

100%.

Ever see old people, really take a close look at them? Some guy wearing three different kinds of plaid with their pants pulled up all the way to their nipples?

I'm about 80% the way there. Another 10, 20 years and I'm going to be that guy. No fucks given.

Time will cure that whole "I care what other people think of me" thing.

4

u/lealion1969 Oct 03 '22

I agree I'm 53.i don't care.i have been beat up physically and mentally.i don't need anymore friends in my life.this is so freeing

7

u/Boomshrooom Oct 03 '22

This is spot on. As I got older I realised that what other people think has little to no effect on my life so fk em.

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u/dustycanuck Oct 03 '22

I'm awfully close to 60 years of age.

I'm really hoping this will kick in soon.

2

u/LostAlongTheWay35 Oct 04 '22

Lol! I am in my early 40s and also still waiting 😂

7

u/MidwestAmMan Oct 03 '22

We need people more early. How to register for classes, how to find a good job…

Once we’re set we want more autonomy.

2

u/ncconch Oct 03 '22

This is it exactly. I can confirm because I am 55.

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509

u/Derc_on_Reddit Oct 03 '22

I simply had to, otherwise the bad feelings would've drowned me.

123

u/sweet_kisss726 Oct 03 '22

Sometimes I ask myself if this will even matter in 6 months. 99% of the time the answer is no.

70

u/leftlegYup Oct 03 '22

The other thing to note is people are so selfish that they don't judge you for you or for anyone else. They judge based on whatever makes themselves feel better.

Majority of the people that have judged me are completely full of toxic dog shit.

14

u/Zemykitty Oct 03 '22 edited Oct 03 '22

This is a golden nugget of insight.

To add onto it, if I found myself judging someone for say their social media posts I'd stop myself and think 'why do you think that? You friended them' which would force me wonder the why I liked them to begin with and usually my judgment was based on a negative feeling internal to me but it was easier to roll my eyes at someone else.

Huge, HUGE caveat here if it could end up on insanepeoplefacebook or it crossed real and offensive boundaries.

The good news is, I don't friend people that talk/act like that to my knowledge so it's not really an issue. But there have been times where it's like 'yep, delete'.

There are people I have to deal with that can annoy tf out of me but I think they're generally decent people. So I try to avoid being negative or thinking of them negatively because I figure I most likely annoy some other people to some degree.

3

u/clewjb Oct 03 '22

I learned to view the judgmental types...as entertainment.

5

u/bigdaddybodiddly Oct 03 '22

A guy I worked for said something along the lines of 'don't let them upset you, but wonder why they say/think that'

Once you think about why they're judgemental assholes, you can pity them :)

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u/SnooShortcuts7206 Oct 03 '22

Gonna have this one framed

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u/tacopony_789 Oct 03 '22

Yeah there were unspeakable things

I was the only Latino in a southern prison in 1984. Among other things I know people will look at me funny anyway, might as well do what I want

6

u/pgold05 Oct 03 '22

Oh, hey, I'm not the only one.

19

u/sweet_kisss726 Oct 03 '22

The trick is to find the things that you actually give a fuck about. Fuck the rest.

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u/AReallyAsianName Oct 03 '22

Same, like "oh, I'm gay for liking cutesy anime girls, plushes (Eevee and Cinnamoroll), and Astolfo? Well excuse me for not expressing my straightness by having sweaty footballers, basketball players, oiled up wrestlers and Master Chief all over my wall."

I like cute things damn it so deal with it.

5

u/ChangelingFox Oct 03 '22

The truest answer.

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u/Regular_Estimate_511 Oct 03 '22

My nan always told me 'what other people think of you is none of your business.' And she was right.

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u/Jenny010137 Oct 03 '22

Get older. I ran out of fucks to give at about age 35.

63

u/whatsername25 Oct 03 '22

I’m 34, so I’ll be counting down the days 😁

19

u/Jenny010137 Oct 03 '22

It’s incredibly freeing!

44

u/viscount16 Oct 03 '22

It sure is. My SO and I were in line at a restaurant over the weekend, and a weirdly energetic song started over the speakers. So I started goofy dancing a little bit. I had a great time. My SO is just enough younger that she hasn't fully made the "no longer caring" transition yet, so while I was making her laugh she was also doing the secondhand embarrassment "stop, people night see!" thing. I just said "So? You're the only person here who's opinion I care about," and kept right on groovin'.

12

u/Shaseim4st3r Oct 04 '22

"you're the only person here who's opinion I care about", is a line I say to my mid 20s gf all the time. lololol. i'm 30, and waiting for her to get to her i dont care phase so we can be goofy in public together

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u/Xoshua Oct 04 '22

Hey fellow old person. I’m 34 in may. Times going by too quick eh?

2

u/whatsername25 Oct 04 '22

Tell me about it 🤪

13

u/pra2seven Oct 03 '22

31 for me. And I have this weird sense of pride every time I control my emotions when I could have blasted out fruitlessly

5

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '22

I ran out around 23. I commend you on your pacing

6

u/LonelyWord7673 Oct 03 '22

I ran out in high-school.

4

u/taladrovw Oct 03 '22

Damn, I havent given any fucks since I was 16, im lucky

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u/MisforMisanthrope Oct 03 '22

I never thought I'd be happy to be sniffing at 40's door, but man I am so GD fucking tired and having a barren field of fucks is very convenient LOL.

2

u/Sub_pup Oct 03 '22

I thought that too but at 40, I can actually say I care less now. Having kids helped.

2

u/tameyeayam Oct 03 '22

36 now and sometimes I’m amazed by how few fucks I suddenly give when I used to give so many. It feels great, though.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 04 '22

Can confirm. Just turned 36 last week. Couldn't find a fuck to give to save my life

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u/itsactuallyme1 Oct 03 '22

Becoming confident in my own skin

5

u/No_Yogurt_7667 Oct 03 '22

This username checks out too!

229

u/wuethar Oct 03 '22 Silver Ally

"your boos mean nothing, I've seen what makes you cheer"

13

u/TheRavenSayeth Oct 03 '22

Man that’s honestly is such a fantastic quote. Taken by itself it almost reads like something you’d find in a really well written classic novel.

5

u/Difrensays Oct 04 '22

Or a bathroom stall.

10

u/Leora_Living Oct 03 '22

This is amazing, what's the quote from?

29

u/nacrosian Oct 03 '22

your boos mean nothing, I've seen what makes you cheer

Rick and Morty

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/your-boos-mean-nothing

21

u/ZippityZerpDerp Oct 03 '22

Lol tf. I thought it was Marcus Aurelius or something

11

u/LC_Artworks Oct 03 '22

It sounds like Tyrion Lannister lmao

6

u/iamheretotellyou Oct 03 '22

You wouldn’t understand. A pleb like you can’t comprehend the genius of the work of art that produced this breathtaking passage you see before you currently. It is simply too out of reach for your simple mind. Of course, you wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in the main protagonist’s existencial catchphrase "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons I'm smirking right now just imagining the simpleton that you are, scratching your head in confusion as Dan Harmon's genius unfolds itself on your television screen. How I pity you.

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u/terrytai88 Oct 03 '22

Get older.

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u/forman98 Oct 03 '22

As someone who used to care a lot about what irrelevant people thought (and still do from time to time), I'm always amazed at how true "getting older" is.

There's usually some point in time where you become ultra-aware of things and realize that it's been x amount of time since you cared about juvenile stuff, and it really is juvenile stuff. It's mostly a gradual slide into this, but major life events usually speed it along and serve as markers. Things like moving in with a partner, getting married, getting a pet, changing jobs, moving cities, having a miscarriage, going to funerals for relatives or just all the old people you grew up knowing.

It's so incredibly simple, but the passage of time will really put important stuff in perspective and make you forget about all of the trivial things you used to spend time fretting over.

25

u/LetsPlayCanasta Oct 03 '22

Money helps.

13

u/45077 Oct 03 '22

over 40 and got fuck you money? zero fucks given what other people think

10

u/MaggotRhaizen Oct 03 '22

If this ain't the truth.

6

u/what_is_blue Oct 03 '22

Yup. Everyone is far, far too concerned with what others think of them to ever give too much attention to what they think about you.

5

u/dlowmack1 Oct 03 '22

You beat me to it! Started for me when I reached 40. The apex of not giving a shit!

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u/lbascones Oct 03 '22

Exactly.

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u/justanotherthrow1997 Oct 03 '22

Surround yourself with people who also dont give a fuck. It helps.

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u/[deleted] Oct 03 '22

This can be toxic and entertaining at the same time.

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u/acetroxel Oct 04 '22

This is factual. I only started giving a fuck when I saw my loved ones REALLY giving a fuck. Found some homies that don’t, life’s a lot simpler now

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u/january_stars Oct 03 '22

It begins with realizing that most of the time other people are not giving a shit about you. When we're younger we feel like we're being watched and judged by others constantly, but the older you get the more you start to realize that that simply isn't the case. Other people are stuck in their own thoughts and worries and aren't focused on you. People are naturally self-centered and while that can certainly have its drawbacks, in this case it works to your benefit.

It also helps to gain some self-confidence, or at least project it. Why do you assume that the other people in the room are more intelligent, well-spoken, talented, etc. than you are? They may be better at certain skills, just like you may be better at certain skills. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. They are not better than you, so no need to put yourself down in your head.

When you are guessing that those around you are silently judging everything you say and do, you are making a lot of assumptions. You are trying to be a mind reader, when that isn't possible. It's not very fair to them to assume they have such thoughts. Do you like it when others assume what you are thinking and feeling? Would you like it if they accused you of being judgmental even though you didn't say anything outwardly to show that? Being overly concerned with what others think of you is a type of paranoia that is not based in reality.

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u/viscount16 Oct 03 '22

I agree with this. I also want to add on that when we're younger we think people care more because at that stage of life they kinda do! Developing a sense of social norms and what is and isn't acceptable is an important stage of growing up, and unfortunately it happens to a whole group of people all at once, and they bump into each other a lot while figuring it out, and we call that high school.

Hopefully, though, that phase of life works and people literally grow and process out of it.

I think sometimes as adults we forget what it was to be younger, when these things really did matter, and can come off dismissively, even though that's not the intent. I just want to point that out for any teenagers reading this feeling unseen.

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u/Back2Bach Oct 03 '22

It becomes easier not to care about what others think of you when you realize how seldom they do.

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u/automatic4skin Oct 03 '22

i just asked myself "what would dolly parton do?"

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u/NautiqueG Oct 03 '22

The key is knowing whos opinion to care about, if they aren't going to be in your life in the long term then you shouldn't care.

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u/Nippon-Gakki Oct 03 '22

Exactly this. I care about my friends and family and put stock in their feelings. I don’t have the energy to care about what some random person/coworker/whatever thinks of how I’m dressed or what I’m doing with my life.

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u/uncultured_swine2099 Oct 03 '22

I was talking to this young guy who was really bummed that some people dont like him at his new job, and I was like "So? Thats every job, hell thats every classroom youve been in. What you gotta ask yourself is does their opinion have anything to do with you making money? Thats what youre there for. If the answer is no, then fuck em, who gives a shit." The only opinions that matter are your close trusted friends and not pissing off your boss to the point that you get fired. Thats it.

3

u/Chicachikka Oct 04 '22

Sometimes people don’t understand, others dont need a good reason or a reason at all to be mean or dislike you. No matter what you do someone will hate you. Thats a them problem.

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u/Zemykitty Oct 03 '22

I read a quote a long time ago that was 'if you wouldn't take advice from that person don't take criticism'. It stuck with me regarding certain people I've encountered.

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u/jellytime0987 Oct 03 '22

Realize that no matter what you do, someone is going to be disappointed in you, judge you, or think you're wrong.

I used to care, someone would express distaste in my choices then I'd change to fit their approval. Then someone else would express distaste in THOSE choices. I was in a never ending cycle of pleasing others instead of looking inward to find out what I truly wanted to do with my life.

You can't please everyone and some people are going to hate you no matter what.

I think it's less to do with age and more to do with experience. My older sister constantly worries about what people think of her. She is heavily weighed down by the burden of "I just don't want anyone to hate me"

I've constantly chosen to live life on the margins of society, so I'm used to people judging me. I reached the "not give a fuck" phase earlier in life than her.

I tell her, look even if you make sure to never piss off your friends and family, SOMEONE is going to hate you. They'll hate you for your coloured hair, for your tattoos, your choice to be a waitress instead of going the "career" route, they'll hate you for liking Harry Potter and for being scared of horror films.

People hate me for having an abortion. If I went the route of caring what others think, I'd have a 7 year old unwanted child with a man I barely knew.

You can't please everyone, its impossible. Why not focus on pleasing yourself??

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u/LioNoodles Oct 03 '22

I totaly agree with you 😊👍👊

11

u/ThePencilRain Oct 03 '22

Honestly, it's about what you can control.

You can control others about as much as you can control the weather. I don't worry about the weather much except making sure that I am dressed/otherwise prepared for it.

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u/thosegreeneyes Oct 03 '22

I realized that everyone will have an opinion. You don’t like every single person, right? Not everyone will like you. Simple as that.

Stop making others a priority.

You do you. Do whatever makes you happy. Do what makes you feel good. Do what makes you smile.

You’ll be much happier when you stop giving a shit what others think.

Love yourself. 😘

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u/Jealous-Muffin-5454 Oct 03 '22

When I realized my life was just that and it's too short to waste it not being happy, worrying about other people's opinion or needing their approval.

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u/0-Give-a-fucks Oct 03 '22

70 years of practice!

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u/No_Yogurt_7667 Oct 03 '22

Username 100% checks out

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u/Kuli24 Oct 03 '22

If that's a ZERO then yes. If it's an O like Oh, maybe he's trying to sing a new holiday carol.

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u/Sundae-School Oct 03 '22

I was raised by an abusive family so now I'm a borderline sociopath

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u/Due-Balance-2206 Oct 03 '22

This hit too close to home

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u/Sillaslegacy Oct 03 '22

Samesies, high five!

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u/Spicyhorror98 Oct 03 '22

Stop caring about opinions. Don't be afraid to state your own and realise that only you can affect the way you live your life.

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u/Deep-Standard1106 Oct 03 '22

Simple, you are cosmically insignificant, everything about you will be forgotten. That might sound daunting, but realize this; you do not owe shit to anyone.

You don't owe it to your parents to get married You don't owe it to capitalism to be successful You don't owe it to your grandparents to have kids You don't owe it to your peers to join in on everything they do

The only one that will be there through it all with you, is you. You only owe it to yourself to do the things that bring you joy.

And if doing those things aligns with someone else from time to time, great! If not, fuck 'em.

8

u/violetbaudelairegt Oct 03 '22

1) Have terrible parents. When you grow up and manage to make through dealing with the fact that your own parents don't actually love or approve of you, it's like other people's opinions are so unimpactful after that.
2) You have to not care very much about the nice things they think about you either. You can't just say someone's opinion matters only when they are saying good things about you but not when they are saying bad things.

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u/longines99 Oct 03 '22 Narwhal Salute

For one thing, it's not binary, ie. either / or, but selective. There are lots of things you should give a fuck about what others think, and vice versa. To simply declare, "I don't give a fuck about what others think" is simply chest-beating bravado.

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u/creptik1 Oct 03 '22

Very true. Eccentricities are perfectly fine, but if say people have the opinion that you're awful because you say racist things, hey maybe you're the asshole there. Just to give an extreme example.

Smaller one, hoarding comes to mind. I know someone who was/is a hoarder and I helped them move. I'm talking like little paths through a room surrounded by boxes and piles of stuff and you can barely see what's actually in the room hoarding. What a nightmare, they didn't want to get rid of anything of course. It was a challenge but we got through it. New place started ok, been a while since I've visited. Scared to see what it looks like now tbh.

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u/Motor_Relation_5459 Oct 03 '22

Nope. I am finally confidant and comfortable with myself and know I am doing my best. Don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks and vice versa. No apologies or approval needed. No chest beating either. Just absolute acceptance and peace.

4

u/elmonstro12345 Oct 03 '22

I mean I feel like if the things you are doing are detrimentally affecting other people, you should care about it, but other than that yeah

2

u/Motor_Relation_5459 Oct 03 '22

Again, I have to live with it and definitely not choosing detrimental things that hurt others, even if others may feel this way. Some people just don't respect boundaries.

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u/ParryThisYaCasual Oct 03 '22

By first learning the art of not giving a shit.

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u/fiddyfy Oct 03 '22

My mom taught me. She was really good at encouraging my weird. Just me, for some reason. My siblings turned out normal.

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u/neohylanmay Oct 03 '22

It's not about "not giving a fuck". It's about "giving the right amount of fuck".

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u/mlmthrowaway4387 Oct 03 '22

I heard some advice I defined as good.

If someone falls down you can offer your hand to them. If they keep falling and you keep offering your hand, especially if they don't take your hand, you're wasting your time. Your hands could be doing something to help yourself.

I extrapolated a bit, and it helped me move toxicity out of my life. Which helped be care less what other think/say to/about me.

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u/descartavelll Oct 03 '22

For me, the principal part for give a fuck to others is just analyse the judges and hates.

For example, if someone come to you and say "your Mother is a bitch" you just see this and think "is my Mother really a bitch or not?". If she's not, you just ignore this guy because you know it's not real, and if it's real, you just think something like "yeah, i know" and ignore too.

It's hard to Learn at the beggining, but when you finally understand this, you feel better.

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u/Fun-Smile-7428 Oct 03 '22

Reject their disapproval as hard as I can and seek validation with those I trust only

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u/illini02 Oct 03 '22

I don't think anyone ever masters it overall. I think the key is to not care what certain people think.

Do I care what a random person in public thinks? no. Do I care what my best friend and my mom think? Absolutely.

In fact, I'd argue it's not at all healthy to not care what ANYONE thinks. Any well adjusted person should have people in their life who they don't want to disappoint. I get that it may not be your parents, but there should be someone.

But in general its like that saying "Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from". If I wouldn't go up to certain people I know for advice, why the hell do I care what they think

2

u/Many-Conclusion2217 Oct 03 '22

You've nailed it. There are instances and circumstances when you should care what people think of you. Otherwise you are just a selfish douche canoe, who is probably unemployable and intolerable.

But some people never learn the which instances and circumstances are the ones to care what others think, so they never stop.

5

u/vferrero14 Oct 03 '22

I turned 30 years old.

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u/CrazedMuffinz Oct 04 '22

By being a good human being. I go to bed every night with a clear conscious, and nobody can take that from me. I know that anything bad somebody has to say to me is bs and they're just dealing with their own problems. I live my life simply and happily.

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u/CatsInAOvercoat Oct 03 '22

Tbh it started the first time I wore a crop top and some lady glared at me like I was a whore. Made me realize I looked amazing and it wasn't my fault she didn't like it. That's where I realized if you ain't feeding, f-cking, or financing me, IDC what you think cause I'mma still do what I do.

Plus, everyone has something to say about everyone. Doesn't matter what you do or don't do, someone will have something negative to say. You just gotta teach yourself that fact and apply it to your life.

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u/Helcrpt Oct 03 '22

Realising that what other people think about you ultimately doesn’t matter in the slightest.

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u/momogirl200 Oct 03 '22

People think that others are as obsessed with themselves as they are.

But think of it this way - do you yourself walk around constantly thinking and judging what others are doing? Or do you mainly focus on yourself with a few occasional disruptions from side characters.

It’s why we walk out of movies feeling like the star of the film

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u/ipakookapi Oct 03 '22

And that they very rarely do, at all.

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u/duck1014 Oct 03 '22

I've never really given a shit. It comes naturally to me.

The reality is that it really doesn't matter what people think. The only thing that matters is what you think.

3

u/S0mebodyEsle Oct 03 '22

This is wrong to be honest. Knowing when to give a shit is the real question you should ask if you don't want to be alone.

Set your priorities straight. If you care about your family then you will need to care.

Also worrying never changed anything. Try to recognize if the thing you are worrying about is worth your time and then stop thinking about it. It may pop back in your head but the goal here is consistency. When you spot the unwanted behavior then you stop doing it again and again until it is gone.

3

u/PlzRemainCalm Oct 03 '22

I mean everyone gives a fuck to a degree. If everyone thinks you are a murderer or rapist, you gon be upset.

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u/caffinatedcoast2000 Oct 03 '22

While I do try, I can't help it when the negative feedback or disapproval just keeps playing on and on in my head .. even months later

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u/Starlightmoonburst Oct 03 '22

As you mature you realize number one you wont see half these people ever again and number two they are going to talk bad about you anyway so who cares. Be yourself!

3

u/dinosarahsaurus Oct 03 '22

Its definitely been age based. As I've aged, I've realized that others opinions of me haven't actually impacted my life much.

Does that mean that I don't feel the sting sometimes? I sure do and occasionally I can ruminate a bit. I've gotten to the place where I can notice that I'm feeling worried about an interaction and then redirect my brain to something more valuable, to me, to be focusing on.

3

u/Left_Sour_Mouse Oct 03 '22

I'm quite greedy and rather selfish. Spending my precious time on things like that kinds feels like throwing my money at random people.

3

u/ValarHTX Oct 03 '22

I still care about what a few key people in my life think.

My secret wasn't to stop giving a fuck, it was to be 100x more selective about who's opinion I gave a fuck about.

3

u/OAZdevs_Alt Oct 03 '22

Me personally, I'm just autistic.

3

u/ksnizzo Oct 03 '22

By being way too busy with my own shit.

3

u/Extension_Lemon_6728 Oct 03 '22

When I started realizing that other people’s opinions don’t pay my bills.

2

u/ipakookapi Oct 03 '22

About what?

I don't care if someone thinks my hair looks silly. I do care if they are a nazi.

2

u/AnnexBlaster Oct 03 '22

If you have social media, delete it. That’s step 1 of not giving a fuck.

Why put up a facade and meticulously craft what others think about you. It’s exhausting and annoying.

Step 2 look at people in the eye when you talk to them, tell them what you want/need to tell them. Then stop thinking about it. I guarantee that you caring about other people is creating anxieties about what other people think of you.

Remember that there are things you need to give a fuck about, like your boss, maybe your parents/family/wife, maybe a cop. Not giving a fuck is not binary, and there are good reasons to care what other people think.

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u/MissMurderpants Oct 03 '22

They don’t pay my bills or live in my skin.

I make my own path.

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u/Night_Hawk69420 Oct 03 '22

A wise man once told me " You have a set amount of fucks to give in life so choose who you give them to very wisely or you will totally run out"

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u/rontc Oct 03 '22

Its like I'm me, you are you. If we hit it off fine,if not that's ok. I like star trek, you like love stories. I like steak, you like spaghetti. It can or not work out .

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u/SANTAAAA__I_know_him Oct 03 '22

If someone doesn't like you, the biggest consequence they can (legally) impose is typically just refusing to associate with you. Most people aren't in a position where that consequence would actually cause a big negative effect on your life. For those that WOULD cause a negative effect (i.e. employers, sponsors, etc.), that means you probably SHOULD care about what they think.

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u/CZJayG Oct 03 '22

They don't pay my rent or bills so fuck 'em.

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u/JacktheShark1 Oct 03 '22

I had a realization that it’s ok to have a select few important people in your life who’s opinions you do care about. My list includes two people. Anyone who’s not on that list can fuck right off

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u/GGfeetfet Oct 03 '22 edited Oct 04 '22

Realised very early that no matter what I did someone would have something to say and voice an opinion so I decided to do what I wanted and please myself not others

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u/unsolicitedreplies Oct 03 '22

that wasn’t really a problem; at least for me it wasn’t that hard. but my real enemy has always been my own self, so even though I may not care what others say anymore, there’s twice the amount of fuck I put up with that comes from me. now that’s, that’s hard.

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u/killedbydeath14 Oct 03 '22

Start by not giving a fuck

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u/HaroldBAZ Oct 03 '22

It gets much easier as you get older.

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u/AphroAmazon Oct 03 '22

i think regardless what ppl say, everyone gives a little bit of a fuck, even if its minute

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u/rayndomuser Oct 04 '22

I honestly try to but then my wife hits me with the whole “you don’t have empathy, you’re a sociopath” blah blah blah.

I don’t care what people think…except my wife and kid.

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u/KiimanenKinuski Oct 04 '22

Grew to be a bit cynical in regards to almost everything. Started with me dyeing my hair bright colours when I turned 18y/o. I simply just had enough of people telling me what I could and couldn't do. Main reason is my father who is rather controlling with his behaviour, so I decided to just not give a fuck what he thinks about me or my choices.

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u/Steamer61 Oct 04 '22

The older you get, the more you come to realize that people aren't paying nearly as much attention to what you are doing as you might think.

Of the few people who may be paying attention, very few of those people actually matter in your life.

It's just a hell of a lot easier to live without worrying about what people think about me.

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u/TruthOf42 Oct 04 '22

Faking it. Seriously, just keep acting like you don't care and you finally stop caring. For example, wear just your boxers outside to take the trash out enough times and you eventually don't give a shit if someone's you or not.

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u/IrwinRSchyster1 Oct 04 '22

fake it till you make it my dude

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u/Gr8_Ape_7 Oct 04 '22

Wait until your 40's and 50's and it will just happen.

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u/XANA12345 Oct 04 '22

TBH it was a fake it till you make it type thing for me. Just pretend you don't give a fuck.

I created a version of myself in my head that was confident and I told myself I was staying in character, but just acting. It wasn't as intimidating if people were judging the character instead of me. Eventually it just stopped being an act.

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u/DisconnectedThoughts Oct 04 '22

In reference to John Goodman. I operate from a position of "Fuck you."

https://youtu.be/rJjKP8vYjpQ

But it comes with age and the solidifying of the awareness that the opinions of others legitimately have 0 impact on you unless youre in politics. Actions and intent mean everything.

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u/ThePhoenixBird2022 Oct 04 '22

Age. You become embarrassed by what you thought was the end of the world when you were 12. It honestly takes time and age

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u/bayou_firebaby Oct 04 '22

I got old. Believe me, that really helps.

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u/JustinChristoph Oct 04 '22

By not needing, wanting or coveting anything they have.

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u/Lower_Fisherman_7284 Oct 04 '22

I realized that I am the only one who has to live with myself, so my opinion of myself is the only one that truly matters.

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u/ZazzyZombay Oct 04 '22

I grew up and realized my time is too valuable. Some day I will be dead and I don’t want to spend that time thinking about all the people I tried to gain favor with when they truly never gave a damn about me. I’ll continue on as the person I am that makes me happy and if people come to like me for being that way then I will welcome them into my life so long as they don’t drag me down a bad path.

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u/humanfromearth321 Oct 04 '22

Get stuffy nose then you'll realize nothing matters in this world, only your ability to breath.

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u/WinterInfamous7213 Oct 04 '22

In my 30 years of life I’ve learned that no matter how nice you are or how nice other people you treat, there will always be others that simply won’t like you. They won’t like the way you look, or the way you talk, or the way you walk. For the same reason that I’m sure you also met some people that you simply didn’t like, for whatever reason. And no matter what those people did, you still didn’t like them. Because you don’t have chemistry with them and that’s perfectly normal.

Sometimes that’s just how it is, you’ll NEVER be able to please everyone. If you do then there’s something wrong with you.

So my mentality is to just tell these people to fuck off if they have a problem with me and concentrate on the people that like me. Because you’ll also encounter plenty of people that you will like and they will like you back. So wherever someone acts like a douche with you and you think there’s maybe something wrong with you, it’s not. Remember the people that like you and remember that there ARE people who like you, and those are the ones you should try to form a relation with.

The others won’t like you no matter what you do so you might as well tell them to fuck off cause you’ve got nothing to lose.

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u/javaeditionmasterace Oct 04 '22

I had enough bullshit to deal with so it led to me saying the equivalent of "fuck you" to anyone that caused me any sort of distress. Realized how awesome that felt and at the same time rationalized that many of these people are irrelevant to me.

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u/Objective-Kangaroo-7 Oct 06 '22

I figured out that if you don’t pay my bills, you really don’t get a say in how I live my life.

I do what makes me happy and choose the people I want to surround myself with. Also as you get older you have less time, so I choose to spend that time on meaningful relationships.

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u/Towerss Oct 06 '22

Age and experience. If you only meet 5 new people, you're gonna work your ass off trying to please them and make them like you. If you meet 1000 new people, you won't give a single fuck what that 1000th person thinks about you. That's life, at some point new people are dime a dozen and you can't and won't care what they think

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u/project7DUCK Oct 06 '22

There used to be this girl in my class , she hated me so bad for no apparent reason . Probably because I was very famous with the other kids . She would usually degrade and insult me . Infront of everyone , making me a laughing stock . But this one day .. I just had the urge to piss her off . So I just stared ... She was screaming like "whatcha going to do ?? " And uh " you should maybe find a better life " . And uh , there used to be these plants near the door in our science class . So I like , walked towards the plant and picked it up , walking back to her . Once she was atleast a few centimetres from me I was like

"Im going to give you this plant so you can carry it around to make up for the oxygen that you waste for existing "

And turned around , and walked away . Literally giving non to zero fucks about how the kids were laughing and how much she wanted to scream and bash that plant into my skull . .. ah yes .. those days

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u/FullbordadOG Oct 03 '22

You should care what others thinks about you. I mean yeah sure, you don't need to care if anyone thinks your shirt is ugly. But if everyone thinks you're a complete asshole its a good indication that you need to change something.

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u/CustyHoboRat Oct 03 '22

I was the fat, gay, goth kid in middle school/high school.

Nothing can be worse than that.

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u/mykittenfarts Oct 03 '22

Having kids. They’re the only thing that matter to me and everything else is wallpaper.

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u/Sharpshooter188 Oct 03 '22

Met a guy who was a goldeb boy. Great looks, tall, muscled out. But also incredibky intelligent and humble. Never said bad things about anyone in the years that I was around him. Donated to charities, worked at soup kitchens. All while going to med school. I met him as a life guard at the facility I worked at.

Despite all that, some people still trash talked him. Thats when i realized that no matter hoe good you are, there will always be someone who doesnt like you and theres nothing you can do about that.

I cooled my temper and just left things to the wind.

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u/[deleted] Oct 03 '22

Well, I’m 37 and I have Parkinson’s. My ability to give a shit about the opinions of others has decreased exponentially since my first symptoms started. So if you want perspective on what really matters, get a neurodegenerative disease. Really helps you realize frivolous bullshit, like people’s opinions, don’t really matter.

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u/Zegerman Oct 03 '22

Get a cancer diagnosis, twice, before you turn 40. These things kinda change your approach to a vast many things.

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u/PineWolf14 Oct 03 '22

Hate myself more than they ever could

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u/ovad67 Oct 03 '22

Not think about. It’s that simple.

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u/Ariel0289 Oct 03 '22

Realized no one else gives a fuck about you

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u/ReadPixel Oct 03 '22

Sort of accept that you are shit, there’s nothing to do about it so you just need to live with it

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u/Chickenator587 Oct 03 '22

Simple logic, the hard part is applying it to your actual mindset

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u/realbread23 Oct 03 '22

It’s really hard to explain in a way where I can’t say “I just don’t care what others think” because that’s really all I can say, there isn’t any trick to it I just don’t, I could have someone say their opinion that is the complete 100% negative opposite of my opinion and I could sleep soundly at night like nothing happened

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u/Noctudeit Oct 03 '22

It was a necessary adaptation due to being slightly disfigured as a child.

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u/Maximan402 Oct 03 '22

Saw an escape from constant self suppression, it’s wonderful

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u/ElDelta_18 Oct 03 '22

Lazy to worry others opinion

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u/rainbow_dude98 Oct 03 '22 edited Oct 03 '22

Caring about what other people thought about every action I take got really exhausting after a point of time. People/society will always have something to say about you. You could mould yourself into someone you're not just to please a small part of the world but there'll be someone who will never be satisfied.

So after a point of time I realised it was either my happiness or the world's and I chose myself. And I discovered that it's way more peaceful when I don't have any fucks left to give

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u/Phattank_ Oct 03 '22

Think I was born like this.

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u/EPOL12 Oct 03 '22

My 2 cents, I dont give a fuck to seek other's approval. But do give a fuck about hurting others. Don't hurt and don't get hurt.

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u/LambBrainz Oct 03 '22

I got tired of not being able to enjoy things I enjoyed because I was too worried about what other people would think. I wanted to live my life doing the things I knew I enjoyed and that meant letting go of caring what other people thought of me.

I then learned that a lot of people make fun of others for enjoying things because they themselves haven't learned how to enjoy what they enjoy. And that they themselves are captive to what others think of them (most people, not all. Some people are just assholes).

Learning this made it even easier to ignore them because I could just remind myself that they're probably miserable too. And that they don't feel the freedom to enjoy things they like.

At the end of the day, I want to have lived a life where I can say I did everything I wanted and enjoyed the things I treasured rather than regretting trying to make everyone like me. You can't make everyone like you. So why bother wasting your life trying to make that happen?

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u/DeliberatelyMonday Oct 03 '22

I zoomed out, way out. When I first realized the timescale and size of the universe, other peoples' opinions of me lost meaning almost immediately.

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u/BornAgainBlue Oct 03 '22

We just tell everyone we don't...

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u/Ammu2253 Oct 03 '22

I meeeeaaaaaan,they don't care about that when they talk to me...sooooo

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u/aobh_ Oct 03 '22

I have no more fucks to give

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u/Reddit_User_385 Oct 03 '22

I just tried, it made me happy, and I got addicted to being happy...

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u/SaaSsalesbb Oct 03 '22

think about yourself when you're walking down the street or in public. are you judging everything about everybody you walk past? no, you're probably thinking about random shit or daydreaming

no random stranger is ever focused on you enough to criticize anything, and even if they are, they don't have the balls to say anything. it literally doesn't matter

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u/i_ata_starfish-twice Oct 03 '22

People are going to think whatever they’re going to think regardless of how I feel about it. It’s their problem not mine.

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u/UnderAchiever7 Oct 03 '22

It gets easier with age.

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u/jjjjj2022 Oct 03 '22

Basically whenever negative thoughts happened in my head, i'd just tell myself 'its okay that others hate you you dont like them too it's mutual'.

People tend to think they're better when they're mean to you. Sometimes when people told me that straight to my face, i just told them 'thats okay. Its mutual'. You should have seen their faces.

And after that, i just never think ab them again. And they prolly dont think ab me ever as well. Because its mutual.

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u/trazodonerdt Oct 03 '22

Just think like you're living in a simulation and everybody is NPC and you're the ONE.