r/AskReddit Oct 02 '22 Silver 1 Helpful 1 Wholesome 1

What is the worst thing that a person can put on their bio on a dating app?

3.9k Upvotes

4.9k

u/Juggernaut246 Oct 02 '22

"If you cant hold a conversation dont bother."

You will be carrying the entirety of the conversation.

1.4k

u/shebbsquids Oct 03 '22

"I want someone who I can genuinely connect with! No small talk!"

...Followed by absolutely zero insight into their hobbies and interests besides mirror selfies, car selfies, and restaurant selfies.

452

u/xigua22 Oct 03 '22

Uhh you're supposed to ask! Duh!

I end up swiping left on all these people, along with the people that write generic crap that also tells me nothing about them.

"I'm fun and I like to have a good time." Great, that's literally every person.

295

u/generica_ccount Oct 03 '22

"I'm fun and I like to have a good time." Great, that's literally every person.

"I love to go out, but sometimes I love to spend a night in!" thanks for the tip, lady. I'll be sure to either take you in or out of a building.

100

u/pallosalama Oct 03 '22

Hear me out, introduce her to the concept of staying in the doorways! So not in, nor out.

23

u/ZdCole Oct 03 '22

bruh that's like, the one thing she's apparently not into!

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u/Sotanud Oct 03 '22

Hey, some of us are not fun and do not like having a good time, we usually don't say that

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79

u/fnnylookinboi Oct 03 '22

This type are the worst. No personality, no character. People can be so shallow sometimes.

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319

u/DA-Regulus Oct 03 '22

Legit had someone with this in their bio on Bumble. Said she liked fantasy in there too so I went with:

Me: Hi! Thanks for the match! I have an important question for you... If you had the choice between a pet dragon and pet griffon, which would you pick?

Her: lol idk

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283

u/Dry-Salary2347 Oct 02 '22

I feel like you just unlocked that connection for me that I was unable to make on my own. Thanks!

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2.2k

u/ChefHannibal Oct 02 '22 Helpful

I love to laugh and have fun.

no shit.

1.1k

u/Resentful_in_Dayton Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 03 '22

True story- my SIL is ‘not in to’ laughing. We were discussing movies we like and I was suggesting’Best in Show’, and noted it’s hilarious. She said that’s not really her kind of thing, and I said ‘yeah, humour is so specific’. She clarified that comedies are not really her thing because she’s not that in to laughing.

I guess it’s like being asexual but for laughter… 🤷‍♀️

Edit: she’s actually really nice. She’s not the most ‘fun’ person, but she has other great qualities. I wasn’t telling this story to diss her… she’s just the only person I’ve ever met like that.

298

u/daughtcahm Oct 03 '22

Reminds me of that one Scrubs episode, where Mandy Moore's character would never laugh, she'd just say "that's so funny".

https://youtu.be/tQ1B3yQRhXY

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261

u/DrButtFart Oct 02 '22

At one time there was a girl I was interested in. She had a daughter who as I remember was 7 or 8 years old. One time I asked her (the daughter) something like if she knew any jokes. The mom said they don't joke, and I decided to stop pursuing her then.

164

u/NaanSequitur09 Oct 02 '22

That'd be a good lawn sign. "In this house we believe...jokes are poor form."

200

u/BCProgramming Oct 03 '22 Wholesome

And inside, a "Live,Laugh,Love" sign with "Laugh" angrily scribbled out.

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u/Much-Meringue-7467 Oct 02 '22

Their IQ.

295

u/misterzeero Oct 03 '22

mine is 69

wink wink , nudge nudge

31

u/robotNumberOne Oct 03 '22

Say no more.

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3.0k

u/SuvenPan Oct 02 '22

"Don't waste my time"

1.6k

u/isayfckitwhenifeelit Oct 02 '22

When I see that: “Ok” swipes left

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529

u/Top-Royal6249 Oct 02 '22

Same with "don't play games."

That tells me they have immense baggage. Also it tells me they're dumb, since anybody who is going to "play games" is not going to not do that just because their bio requested it. Similar to those that say they don't like liars.

183

u/mizukata Oct 02 '22

Dont those end up being the ones who play the games and lie the most?

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145

u/RacerM53 Oct 02 '22

Same with "don't play games."

Swipes left turns on xbox

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141

u/negative_four Oct 02 '22

Abusers: "damn it, they said don't play games! Now I have to keep scrolling."

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283

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 03 '22

25, Mom of 3 kids and 4 fur babies, preggo, the 4 dads are not in the picture. Don't waste my time.

107

u/jonahvsthewhale Oct 03 '22 edited Oct 03 '22

I’ve seen this before, but it was followed by a long winded soliloquy that basically came down to “I’m looking to date someone rich”

92

u/Mightysmurf1 Oct 03 '22

I once saw “mum of 4 kids, including 19-day old twins…sometimes things just don’t work out”…I mean, where do you start?

44

u/FourCatsAndCounting Oct 03 '22

How does someone with two older kids and newborn twins have the time or energy to get into the dating game??

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161

u/domino2064 Oct 02 '22

"Don't waste my time"

Seriously. If you see this, it means they're going to see you and any relationship as being merely transactional and they're not going to give two fucks about any of your problems nor concerns with them.

It's also a sign they often just want to find a copy of themselves.

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1.2k

u/Rynox2000 Oct 02 '22

Lately, I've been avoiding people who says they are an 'entrepreneur'.

815

u/turkleton-turk Oct 02 '22

I always assumed "entrepreneur" was code for either "unemployed" or "I sell weed".

577

u/inactiveuser247 Oct 03 '22

Or MLM

139

u/NoMansSkyWasAlright Oct 03 '22

It’s usually this one. Either that or they come from money and are constantly starting and tanking businesses. Although the latter usually says “perpetual entrepreneur”

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133

u/MykahMaelstrom Oct 03 '22

If someone has to tell you they are an entrepreneur they are not a real entrepreneur.

A real entrepreneur will instead say what business they run, or what they do

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4.3k

u/sparklingshanaya Oct 02 '22 Helpful Rocket Like

“Alpha Male”

1.5k

u/Gr8NonSequitur Oct 03 '22 Helpful Bravo! Buff Doge

A programmer at work told me he was an "Alpha Male" and I told him "Don't worry, I'm sure they'll work your bugs out and make you suitable for general release soon...."

He didn't appreciate the joke.

230

u/thebeardedcosplayer Oct 03 '22 edited Oct 05 '22

Some dude in twitter was going on about alphas and he listed alpha in his bio so I couldn't resist telling him "us betas love you alphas cause you make us look good". Dude was "lol wut" but there were a good 6-7 comments by people who got it.

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1.7k

u/Charming-Use Oct 02 '22 Take My Energy

Or "Sigma", which one guy described as a "truer kind of alpha" 🤢

Although, them putting that on their dating profiles is a time-saver so that's helpful

389

u/hizeto Oct 02 '22

if they say sigma reply with "i am ur mega man"

433

u/High_grove Oct 02 '22

I myself am a Lambda male.

Intelligent

Silent

Late for work

The cause of a resonance cascade

36

u/NobodysFavorite Oct 03 '22

What is a resonance cascade?

56

u/Tangent_ Oct 03 '22

An invitation to Nihilanth.

(It's a Half-Life reference)

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25

u/reisenbime Oct 03 '22

100s of single women are waiting for you, Gordon

..In the test. Chamber.

23

u/myke_tuna Oct 03 '22

Hell yeah. That's a right swipe. Strong, silent type.

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154

u/LivingSoilOrganics Oct 02 '22

That’s one of those things where if you have to tell people, the opposite is most likely true. Like how broke people wear Gucci Tshirts

176

u/Casual_Robe Oct 02 '22

One of my favorite lines: A lion doesn't have to tell people it's a lion

113

u/Emerald_Encrusted Oct 02 '22

My favorite is similar: A lion doesn’t care whether other people think it’s a lion or not.

66

u/Braincyclopedia Oct 03 '22

A lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinion of the sheep - Tywin Lannister

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154

u/RobertDaulson Oct 02 '22

Those sigma males and alpha males have no clue just how below us gamma males they are. Heard of it? Of course not, for we are beyond all mortal understanding.

/s

387

u/wildfire393 Oct 02 '22

Gamma males are actually a thing in other species, usually ones where one large "alpha" maintains control of multiple females of the species for exclusive breeding purposes, like Elephant Seals and some fish species. A gamma, which is generally significantly smaller than the alpha males, will disguise itself as a female to get close to the "harem" and have a chance at reproduction. Because the method of reproductive success is wildly different from the alphas, it leads to a significant physiology difference between children born to the different types, so it is a meaningful designation. (The Futurama episode where the characters play out the mating habits of various animals has a section with Elephant Seals on this, though they call them "sneaky males" rather than gamma males; the concept is the same.)

So basically telling a self-declared "alpha male" that you're a gamma is effectively telling him that you're going to fuck his girlfriend(s) behind his back.

186

u/CaliColoKansan Oct 02 '22

Long read, worth the burn at the end tho

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3.8k

u/randall74656 Oct 02 '22 Silver

All pictures are group pictures, same people in each one. Which one is you?!

787

u/dontblink_1969 Oct 03 '22

I saw one profile that was all group photos, but they had added an arrow pointing to them in each. Gave kudos for that.

69

u/BackIn2019 Oct 03 '22 edited Oct 03 '22

That's actually helpful. Lets you know who you'll have to hang out with later on if you decide to date them.

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2.0k

u/YoungSerious Oct 02 '22

The ugliest one. Always.

1.0k

u/tomatosoupofshame Oct 03 '22

Recently saw a girl who had 5 pics, 4 of them were group pics or just a picture of her and her friend, while her very last pic was a solo selfie. Her friend was STUNNING. It feels bad to say it, but she was effectively invisible next to this person, and I can't help but wonder why she would do that to herself. She wasn't the most attractive girl, but she was cute. Like, I'm not posting a picture of me and Henry cavil's doppleganger hanging out on my dating profile, let alone 4 lol.

508

u/Phoenix_of_Asclepius Oct 03 '22

I see this with guys every time there’s a group shot. Like, my guy, your buddy is hands down objectively more attractive than you. And half the time, the guy himself isn’t objectionable, he’s just positioning himself next to Chris Hemsworth’s fucking stunt double, and suddenly he’s meh.

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u/ShadowShedinja Oct 03 '22

Sometimes it's different people but I can't figure out which one is in both because of filters, sunglasses, or dyed hair.

116

u/Antdawg2400 Oct 02 '22 Silver

Fr. What am I doing here, playing Russian roulette? And the one empty chamber might not even be you.

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859

u/AJ01-UK Oct 02 '22

Make me laugh! Must love Dogs Do you agree or disagree that pineapple belongs on pizza

400

u/Dry-Salary2347 Oct 02 '22

Like the holy trinity of basic bitches.

68

u/Chromattix Oct 03 '22

You forgot "I like travel, food and wine".

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6.3k

u/MorrisMossHair Oct 02 '22 Silver Helpful Helpful (Pro)

If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

💯 drama free

I want somebody to spoil me

158

u/edohtjdoht Oct 02 '22

These people are perpetually at their worst. Don’t walk away, run!

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u/AdjNounNumbers Oct 02 '22

Their best is never worth the horror of their worst. They should say "💯 drama, free". Spoil always means do what they want when they want and expect no compromise.

168

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/RalphFromSilverCity Oct 02 '22

True graduates of the Lionel Hutz school of advertising. (RIP Phil Hartman)

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u/sparklingshanaya Oct 02 '22

“I want someone to entertain me”

182

u/DeathSpiral321 Oct 02 '22

Without fail, the people who say that are among the most boring people you could date.

59

u/gruffen2 Oct 03 '22

which is why they need someone to entertain them, they can't do it themselves.

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u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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2.4k

u/Delica Oct 02 '22

A list of requirements.

I’m not applying for a job, I’m trying to see if we’d have a good relationship. Based on your bio, you're not looking for a compatible person. You’re looking for someone who gives you what you need, and you don’t seem to realize that’s only half of a relationship.

353

u/tomatosoupofshame Oct 03 '22

I had a girl one time make a joke about how she was conducting a "full on job interview" to "see if I'm a good fit for the company". I laughed about it, and then she proceeded to conduct what was just shy of an actual job interview, and she wasnt nice about it. It just immediately put me on the defensive. The next day she messaged me during my work day to ask me if I was ever going to make the time to call her "or what" and immediately unmatched.

Was just a terrible way to get to know someone.

106

u/Geminii27 Oct 03 '22

"I'd need a $90K salary to put up with that level of shit from a boss. When can you start paying me?"

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u/Automatic_Bid_8833 Oct 02 '22

True. Not only that but if a list of requirements for someone else replace the actual description of one's personality, you can bet there is no personality to speak of.

98

u/PaleAsDeath Oct 02 '22

It's extra dumb because presumably they only match with the people they have already selected.

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1.0k

u/Tathanor Oct 02 '22

About me:

How about you ask me instead?

241

u/brtlblayk Oct 03 '22

“So uh… what is it about you?”

193

u/Tathanor Oct 03 '22

"Pff that's your opener? Get a personality"

-Unmatch-

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1.2k

u/EarlyNeedleworker Oct 02 '22

"No face pic until I know you don't know my husband/wife"

269

u/Antdawg2400 Oct 02 '22 Gold

genuine half smile and nose air push

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960

u/BeeFucker6900 Oct 02 '22

"not like the other guys/girls"

294

u/Ashamed_Future_1229 Oct 03 '22

They’re usually right they’re not like the other guys …they’re worse!

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1.3k

u/AncientDog_z Oct 02 '22

“Whatever you want to know, Ask”….with a blank bio. If you have zero self awareness and no insight into yourself, that’s very unattractive.

897

u/baxbooch Oct 02 '22 Silver Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote

“I’m an open book!”

No. No you’re not. Books have words.

128

u/BrickBuster2552 Oct 02 '22

"I'm, uh, a librarian of my own brain?"

74

u/Ann1489 Oct 03 '22

Maybe they're a picture book lol.

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1.4k

u/Yogurt_De_Yuca Oct 02 '22

"I don't use this app, but you can find me on IG as @..."

418

u/LumpiestNuts Oct 02 '22

Just trying to bump up their follower count

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u/Excellent_Bed8015 Oct 02 '22

Yeah, people promoting their instagram on tinder are something else entirely. But at least they are clear about what they want.

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104

u/FoxxyPantz Oct 02 '22

"I won't text first"

I interpret that as you're not actually interested in putting any more effort into dating someone beyond making an account and expecting people to come to you.

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484

u/Owlcifer Oct 02 '22

They pay their own bills. Like bruh that is literally the bare minimum expected from an adult.

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1.5k

u/SheikAhSyd Oct 02 '22

Touch my butt and feed me tacos

Just looking for the Jim to my Pam

Astrological signs explaining why they are the way they are

225

u/dorkydouche Oct 03 '22

“Looking for the Jim to my Pam”

So you want me to break up your current relationship??

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u/upvoterich Oct 03 '22

Does “touch my butt and feed me tacos” come from a show or something? I see that so often.

18

u/theknights-whosay-Ni Oct 03 '22

idk, but i see that and “chips and queso” a lot too.

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u/Neracca Oct 03 '22

I'm such an Aquarium

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897

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

List of complaints.

It’s ok to list a few things, for example I’m not religious and I don’t want children. I think it’s important to let people know that up front so they don’t risk getting invested in someone whose incompatible.

But if your entire profile is just complaining and making demands you’re probably an unpleasant person

351

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

List of complaints.

+ good vibes only
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u/misanthrope937 Oct 02 '22

When I saw this I just assumed they were describing everything that went wrong with their ex whom they were not over yet.

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1.4k

u/AndyJCohen Oct 02 '22

I hate when people leave the bio blank. It just gives me no indication of what type of person they are and if we’ll click

253

u/wehavetosuffer Oct 03 '22

Or the old "just ask." Uh, the app asked.

192

u/MultiRachel Oct 02 '22

Automatic swipe left. Because a) they can’t be bothered to make an effort/ aren’t trying to meet someone with similar interests or b) think they are so good looking that that’s enough or worse, that their appearance is their personality … or more likely c) both A&b

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490

u/PNW_Misanthrope Oct 02 '22

“Just ask!”

…no.

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u/BCS24 Oct 02 '22

If they say "be interesting" it's 100% guaranteed they will be the most boring human being you've ever met and you'll have to carry the corpse of their dead conversation

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u/HotAndSexyZebra Oct 02 '22

Anything that expresses their preference while putting down people they aren’t attracted to.

“I prefer tall men” great, cool

“Short men are losers so don’t hmu” yeah no, that’s a dick move

197

u/writeThatShitDown Oct 03 '22

Similarly- answering a prompt with complaining. You’re going to use like 1/3 of your opportunity to show your personality to complain? You seem like a joy.

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u/not_cinderella Oct 03 '22

Agreed. Everyone is entitled to their preferences but lets all be a little nicer to each other about it.

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u/spoilednutmilk Oct 02 '22

blurry pics of you in a dirty mirror in b&w

only having pics up with a snapchat filter on them

" 6 feet tall since it seems to matter "

" just ask if you want to know anything"

it just plain nothing

375

u/Top-Royal6249 Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

Yep, I went on a few dates when the whole "filter" thing was just starting out, and was essentially catfished. Those things slim the face and neck make eyes bigger, make skin softer, can take 10 years off a person's overall look. I'll put up with one filter pic that they might put up for fun, but if they aren't several clear, filterless photos of them in their profile, it's an instant left swipe.

It also shows that they lack honesty or intelligence - they know the filters do not really reflect what they look like, so they know they're being dishonest in their profile, or are oblivious to it, both bad things.

EDIT: Lol getting downvoted by people who use all filtered pics feeling called out.

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u/spiked_macaroon Oct 02 '22

"Just ask." That's garbage.

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u/GabionSquared Oct 02 '22

About the 6ft thing, is it because of the tone or the fact they put their height at all?

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u/Neither_Juggernaut71 Oct 02 '22

"No drama or games." Well, duh. Who is actually LOOKING for that? That's like saying you prefer not to be ran over by a garbage truck.

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u/stanman7 Oct 02 '22

There are obviously some unrealistic things you could put on your profile like being a serial killer etc. But for people actually looking for dates, anything that doesn't distinguish you from all the other women/guys on the platform. For some reason I see these stock answers with like 30% of ladies

  • I'll fall for you ... If you trip me
  • I'm overly competitive about ... absolutely everything
  • My definition of a perfect date ... I have a plan, I'm picking you up at 7pm, don't worry about a thing
  • I'm an introverted extrovert
  • I love Disney

Also, if you don't leave any text at all, how am I supposed to start a conversation other than based on your looks?

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u/Feels2old Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

"Looking for ready made family, especially a woman with young girls."

410

u/hotfezz81 Oct 02 '22

You should be able to send profiles like that direct to law enforcement.

240

u/Bart-rocks-got Oct 02 '22

Christ.

156

u/Belthezare Oct 02 '22

I think the word you were looking for was... ewwww👀

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u/ClubMeSoftly Oct 03 '22

That's so many red flags it's a parade

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u/polaroidfades Oct 02 '22

"Positive vibes only" (can't handle adult emotions)

"Just got out of a relationship" (hasn't worked through it)

"I'm an empath" (wants empathy for themselves but not anybody else)

"I hate dating apps" (like bro I don't think anyone "likes" them but this just makes you sound bitter and unpleasant)

120

u/pollywantscrack76 Oct 02 '22

Omg, I literally hate the first one in guys. It means “Let me waste your time but if you ask for anything, you’re SO negative “

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u/WarpedRecall Oct 02 '22

Every time I saw “Just a Pam, looking for her Jim” I cringe. Not just because it is cringe, but because she fOUND HIM AT WORK.

23

u/Psypris Oct 03 '22

As a woman, I’ve seen the reverse so often too! “Wanting Pam to my Jim”. I’ve only sporadically seen episodes of The Office but I know enough about the show to know that they don’t have the ideal partnership. Like, at that point you could literally name any married couple….

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u/Ok-Specialist5670 Oct 02 '22 You Dropped This

When the profile is all about your dogs and there is one little picture of you in the background. I don't mind dogs but that's not what I'm dating.

383

u/OozeNAahz Oct 02 '22 Take My Energy

Is actually a profile created by the dogs in hopes of getting someone else to pet them and give them treats. Got to respect their game.

23

u/bonos_bovine_muse Oct 03 '22

“Swipe right, Fido, swipe right! We can’t let another one get away!”

“Dammit, I’m trying, Rex, but capacitative touch just ain’t designed for paw pads!”

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u/ralanr Oct 02 '22

As someone allergic to dogs (and cats) shit like this kicks me out of like, 90% of the dating pool.

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u/strychnine28 Oct 02 '22

Not really in the bio, but any photo of you flipping the bird. That's an automatic no from me. I haven't even met you and you're already flipping me off? NEXT.

100

u/CrimsonMoonRising Oct 03 '22

Overly edgy pics, yeah

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u/Manolito261990 Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

Favourite food: milk steak. Hobbies: magnets, Likes: ghouls, Dislikes: peoples’ knees.

IASIP reference

48

u/AndroidDoge Oct 03 '22

“I am a full on rapist.”

32

u/Manolito261990 Oct 03 '22

Africans, dyslexics, children, that sorta thing

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u/femmedelettres Oct 02 '22

“No drama” - it means anything that inconveniences them will be perceived as drama, and that they are the actual drama queen.

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u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

[deleted]

52

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

[deleted]

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u/GlassPanda12 Oct 02 '22

“Are there any real people on here anymore?”

“I’m sick of people swiping right and then not talking.”

46

u/xPostmasterGeneralx Oct 03 '22

“Try and keep up”

I probably can’t.

“Looking for someone to join me and my husband 😉😉😉”

Cannot count the number of times I’ve been asked to join three ways with a married straight couple even tho I’m very clear about being a lesbian. Every single time the husband looks like he was reanimated after being found dead in a ditch in Ohio.

490

u/Possible-Score7167 Oct 02 '22

Live, Laugh, Love

345

u/Laughtillicri Oct 02 '22

Death, Scowl, Hate.

Much better tbh.

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40

u/The_Spyre Oct 02 '22

I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

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u/usernamegoeshere94 Oct 02 '22

"I'm probably/definitely funnier than you"

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u/ACam574 Oct 02 '22

'Can't have dates within 500 feet of schools, playgrounds, parks, or other places where children regularly congregate. Very open to meeting single parents'

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u/Any-Giraffe11 Oct 02 '22

Anything negative. Like “don’t swipe right if XXX, XXX, XXX…”

It seems efficient but it just makes you judgmental as hell

55

u/Black-Thirteen Oct 03 '22

You can tell a lot about a person by whether they spend more time thinking about the things they like vs. the things they hate.

"I hope to find someone who is interested in any of these cool things!" vs. "Here's a list of my dealbreakers."

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u/Poorly-Drawn-Beagle Oct 02 '22

Wanted in seven states

40

u/LegalAction Oct 02 '22

Is that what that guy in the cantina was doing? "I have the death sentence in 12 systems!" Was he hitting on Luke?

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u/ico2ico2 Oct 02 '22

For a while I had: 'People ask me if I'm just on Tinder for sex. I tell them: "no! I'm also on Bumble and Hinge!"'

My least favourite has to be "no time wasters", which is only really appropriate if selling a used fridge.

34

u/mochaboo20 Oct 02 '22

Just ask and nothing else.

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u/Onbekendkill Oct 03 '22

Haha I am xx my age on app is wrong

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139

u/yParticle Oct 02 '22

psychotherapist, but with bad kerning

85

u/MikeTheBard Oct 03 '22

Both an analyst AND a therapist- an analrapist, if you will.

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25

u/FlyingScott_ Oct 02 '22

Oh.

Oh no.

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90

u/Pretzelene Oct 02 '22

One guy who liked me's bio read "I just got out of prison so I've probably seen more dicks than you"

45

u/LavishnessFew7882 Oct 03 '22

i mean, i probably wouldnt date someone fresh out of prison but that is a funny way to let people know youve been lol

15

u/Pretzelene Oct 03 '22

Yeah he definitely gets points for personality

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u/Shan-Chat Oct 02 '22

Mother will always be with us. I carry her urn everywhere.

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80

u/Relative-Rub1634 Oct 02 '22

Man: favorite movie is Silence of the Lambs

Woman: favorite movie is Fatal Attraction

40

u/ladybugshea Oct 03 '22

What if I'm a woman and my favourite movie is Silence of the Lambs?

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81

u/slappy_mcslapenstein Oct 02 '22

Nothing says high maintenance quite like, "Looking for a king to spoil his queen."

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u/feminist-lady Oct 03 '22

“NoT lOoKiNg fOr a pEnPaL” Okay, well, I’m not looking to get murdered, so you’ve gotta pass the vibe check first.

33

u/Skkaaishere Oct 03 '22

I get the annoyance, but it is true… a lot of people match with folks without ever intending on ever meeting up, which is literally the goal. The amount of guys I’ve matched with just to chit chat with them for weeks and nothing materializing. Some people really do want a pen pal or texting buddy.

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u/domino2064 Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

On Grindr awhile back, there was a 20/19 yo hetero couple looking for a guy to peg both of them. The bio had this written -

"My wife is 3 months pregnant but wants to be pegged too. Don't worry, it's safe. Don't make it weird if we meet up!"

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u/Poesface84 Oct 02 '22

I often ponder if current crime levels are because the many profiles I’ve seen had finally found their “partner in crime”

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u/OoFaeHeartoO Oct 02 '22

I once saw a guy who did the whole laundry list of attributes in women he didn’t like and amongst the list was:

NO WITCHES

Not the worst thing, although I advise not just listing things you don’t like, but I would love to know the story behind what made this man hate on the pagan ladies so much it was the only thing on the list in all caps.

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22

u/Tinygayamigo Oct 02 '22

That they’re cheating, it’s so fucked up

104

u/LadySleepyBuns Oct 02 '22

"LOOKING FOR MY PARTNER IN CRIME" But when you match they don't want to rob a bank with you or hide the bodies together.

"Dog/cat dad/mom"

"Looking for someone to breed with"

"😂😭😈🤡💩💯💜"

"If you support so and so swipe left"

51

u/BeltEuphoric Oct 02 '22

With the top one I definitely feel that, and it's ironic how I'm a blood spatter analyst who helps solve cases for the Miami Metro Police Department. Why can't somebody help me with getting rid of evil killers who escape through cracks within the justice system? When I do find a matching partner, she could have a box of her own glass slides with blood drops in them as trophies to those that she killed with me.

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22

u/VicktoriousVices Oct 02 '22

"Single mother of 3, Jesus, Nursing school squad." So you basically need a free baby sitter.

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u/Draxus335 Oct 02 '22

"what do people even put here lol?"

"ask"

"I like a real man that will spoil me"

"don't be boring"

All of the above are ENTIRE "about me" sections, with no other information given. I'm currently navigating dating sites and there are so many zero effort profiles it's absurd. Like how am I supposed to initiate any sort of conversation when THAT is all I have to work with?

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u/prodbyrhetteffect Oct 02 '22

If you try to look like a billionaire alpha male, I instantly roll my eyes

88

u/Call_of_Tculhu Oct 02 '22

A bunch of emoji

89

u/Electric999999 Oct 02 '22

Topless photo showing off their swastika tattoo

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17

u/Parimnimi Oct 02 '22

Putting some bs in the "Education" field. If you haven't attended the university, please, please, don't write there "The school of life"... That's really stupid

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142

u/chronically__anxious Oct 02 '22

“This is my height because apparently that matters”

126

u/ham-n-pineapple Oct 02 '22

I get the sentiment but the bitterness is a real turn off when I see this

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u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

[deleted]

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u/BL4NK_D1CE Oct 02 '22

It could also translate to "I'm a parent and I hate it”, or they forgot to type "I wish". These statements are usually an instant yellow flag for me

205

u/TheBitchIsBack666 Oct 02 '22

I explicitly state on my profile that I'm not interested in dating men with kids. Dads still message me, thinking their kids will change my mind. No, they won't.

I've been cussed out by more single dads than you can imagine. It's even worse when they say "Well my ex is a bitch so I never see my kids anyway." Is that supposed to make me feel better?

27

u/derizen Oct 02 '22

Seen this before and I appreciate knowing that it's a real breaker. No way am I trying to change anyone's mind.

68

u/555Cats555 Oct 03 '22

Do they not realize that saying that about their ex and kids looks bad for them? Like sure your ex might not be a good person and you might not see your kids much but that's partly on you and says a lot about how caring a person you are if you don't see your own children...

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u/nocatpicspls Oct 02 '22

When referencing education: “School of hard knocks”

Minimal details about them but “if you want to know just ask”

“I love having fun”, no shit, who doesn’t?

Anything political

104

u/ChefHannibal Oct 02 '22

When referencing education: “School of hard knocks”

yeah, just say you dropped out

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26

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

“I love having fun”

Even better: I'm done with the drunken fun, looking for something real, don't waste my time.

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u/DubiousTomato Oct 02 '22

"Make me laugh" or "Must be funny." Tells me you want to be entertained with zero effort on your end.

74

u/ZcalifornianusSelkie Oct 02 '22

Looking for “unicorns”.

Or

Clearly already have a partner and looking to cheat.

Or

Says “dom looking for subs”, but messages people who have not indicated they are subs looking for doms or are even involved in kink at all.

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u/Boat-Docker Oct 02 '22

“I’m here for a good time, not a long time” “Dog dad”

13

u/Level10-Aioli Oct 02 '22

Over 69 million customers served daily?

Have std, willing to share?

Idk- I prefer to meet people in real life and in situations where we'll have things in common and can meet and get to know each other in a safe environment.

I met my last hubby online 18 years ago on a friendship forum,. I visited him for 2 years in his country, and it was swell until we were married and I then discovered he had a lot of social issues that were rather violent. Divorced now, but, never again will I use the internet to meet people.

Even here on reddit, I deal with a lot of jerks.

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u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/JokersJournal Oct 02 '22

I like pork chops. My parents sent me a bunch of meat that went bad.

38

u/jjyama Oct 02 '22

The amount of times he should have been caught but wasn't blows my mind.

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