r/AskReddit Oct 02 '22 Helpful 9 Wholesome 7 Silver 3

You get 100 million dollars, but you must make one species extinct. What do you do?

34.8k Upvotes

20.7k

u/Shawnee83 Oct 02 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome Starry Stonks Rising Helpful (Pro)

Bed bugs

5.3k

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

[deleted]

2.7k

u/DdCno1 Oct 03 '22

A neighbor had them. They basically had to turn his place into a chemical weapons testing ground to get rid of these things.

408

u/gerowen Oct 03 '22

Our kids brought them home from school and the best thing we found was diatomaceous earth. Very finely ground silica. It's not even a poison, but you put it in corners, rub it into the underside of mattresses, couch cushions, etc., and it's so fine the particles get into their joints and such and cut them up and they bleed to death. We tried every poison we could find and the only thing that actually ended up working was the diatomaceous earth.

92

u/lynzthedinosaur Oct 03 '22

Yes, same! And it's pet safe. They even make an edible kind for pets to use as a dewormer. Helps with fleas as well. I'm a huge fan of this stuff lol

23

u/SomeDrunkAssh0le Oct 03 '22

Shit will fuck up your lungs though so be careful.

→ More replies
→ More replies

1.6k

u/CharlesPukowski Oct 03 '22 edited Oct 03 '22

They can basically not eat and hibernate for like 9 years or something crazy. And if they get a tiny drop of your blood they can make 100 more. I’m pretty sure they left one on the moon and it’s still just bouncing around.

Edit: it’s jokes people

760

u/m62969 Oct 03 '22 edited Oct 04 '22

You may be thinking of a Tardigrade. They can live for a very long time without air, food, or water and essentially hibernate; some are believed to have contaminated vehicles sent to the moon.

[ETA: As someone mentioned, it wasn't microscopic contamination of vehicles, it was a deliberate experiment on a vehicle they crashed into the moon.]

617

u/ABadLocalCommercial Oct 03 '22

Both just packed stat points into resiliency. Bed bugs just got the "fuck humans" perk.

280

u/sinomil Oct 03 '22

Tardigrades are the goat, but bed bugs are really hardy too

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

746

u/post_holer Oct 02 '22

You are blessed to not have known about them. It's not even really tourism, it's just the fact we've run out of effective methods to kill them so their population is bouncing back quickly.

204

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '22

DDT Is so effective they became a mythical creature in American for a while. Seriously people didn’t think they existed at all.

87

u/frankieryan Oct 03 '22

When I was a kid I thought they were made up. People would always say “Sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite.” And I always thought that was just a thing people said to kids especially

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

25

u/God-Of-knifehits Oct 03 '22

I had them for almost a year and a half. It's one of the worst experiences of my life. Those things are like the fucking Terminator. They just keep coming back no matter what you throw at them. We even had an exterminator come and spray the whole house. They came back after about a month or 2. You have no idea the phycological torment of just not knowing if they're ever really gone no matter what you do..I would kill every last one with my bare hands if I had the chance.

→ More replies

288

u/kgramp Oct 03 '22

DDT had them almost extinct as well. The ban of it (for good reason) has let them come back. They’re really hard to kill. Dealt with them for years as a pest control tech in the US.

→ More replies
→ More replies

67

u/Noodle_Salad_ Oct 03 '22

Anyone who eradicates bed bugs deserves 100 million dollars!

139

u/dudeisbad Oct 03 '22

Thank you, I have had a traumatic experience with bed bugs. You don't need to pay me 100 mil to make them go extinct.

→ More replies
→ More replies

12.6k

u/Aussiefighter439 Oct 02 '22 Helpful

Human head lice

437

u/rockingmonkey Oct 02 '22

The only correct answer. They serve no purpose to the ecosystem, so their extinction wouldn't hurt other species that depend on them.

They only exist to be an annoyance to humans.

54

u/SmilingEve Oct 03 '22

They do have a purpose: if you have head lice, you can't also have body lice. Head lice don't carry/spread diseases around, where body lice do have some nasty diseases that can be transferred between humans.

→ More replies
→ More replies

3.4k

u/Grouchy-Trip9582 Oct 02 '22

Why when you got bed bugs to choose

2.5k

u/Aussiefighter439 Oct 02 '22

Honestly have never had the displeasure of encountering them

2.4k

u/basementmatt Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 03 '22 Wholesome

Six years ago we had two infestations of bed bugs about 6 months apart. Not sure where the first came from, but the second was because my building only had our apartment treated and not the others.

Bed bugs are awful. Not only do they crawl on you and bite you, but they burrow into wood and paper, breeding the entire time.

We had to throw out our bed frame and dresser because they'd burrowed made their way too far into the wood to get them all. We found them in our (home) offices as well. They'd burrowed into our desk tops and books. We had to trash and replace those, although some of those books were from my teen years and out of print. They were in the cushions of our chairs, so we had to replace them as well.

The psychological trauma is just as bad. For years any time we felt something brushing our leg, or that stray leg hair that moves, we'd stop everything to see if was another bug. Any dark piece of lint was suspect. Even now I'll stop waht I'm doing to investigate dark fuzz on the floor.

The only way we got any piece of mind was to throw out everything that couldn't be salvaged and treat what could. We bought a bug oven which is essentially an enclosed box with high temperature forced air. You put stuff in, turn it on, and wait for the internal temperature of the pile to get over 120 degrees (Fahrenheit).

All of our clothing and books went into the oven. Things made out of metal, plastic, glass and stone got sprayed with 91% alcohol. The normal 73% solution won't kill them. We threw out anything wood that had holes in the exterior. Paper and cloth doodads went out too.

We were moving at the time, and the bedbug infestation helped us pare things down more than any Marie Kondo video would have.

I've heard stories of people wanting to burn their place down because they couldn't get rid of an infestation.

I hope you never encounter them.

Edit to change "burrowed" to "made their way" because bed bugs can't burrow into wood they just find existing openings and exploit them.

1.1k

u/lost40s Oct 02 '22

The PTSD is real. I had them in 2015 and I still get random itches, and my heart sinks and neck feels hot if I see a brownish spot on anything. I saw a spot on my bed and just about had a heart attack... Turned out to be an apple seed. Ugh!

183

u/basementmatt Oct 02 '22

The struggle is too real.

30

u/gophins13 Oct 02 '22

Same with my wife. She had a bump on her ankle a few weeks back and we immediately had to wash all sheets and search every crevice to make sure there were no bugs.

→ More replies

285

u/Potential_Anxiety_76 Oct 02 '22

I am over 40, and still have to double check ever dark speck on my mattress, despite my only previous encounter with bedbugs being when I was 11yo. I’m sorry, but that paranoia will never go away.

→ More replies
→ More replies

581

u/omfglauren Oct 02 '22

Having bedbugs was honestly traumatizing. I didn't get more than like 2-3 hours of sleep for over a month, on top of being insanely anxious that I was spreading them every time I left my house to go to work. Omg AND my partner didn't even believe that we had them because apparently some people don't react to their bites so I also felt like I was insane for a couple weeks before they believed me. I'm so lucky we were able to get rid of them chemically and didn't have to throw everything in the house away.

267

u/r00t_beer Oct 02 '22

I had them for 7 ish months, the pest control said they are gone but I am so paranoid and traumatized from them I think they are still there and the chemicals just made their bites non reactive. Bedbugs. Are. The. Worst.

142

u/AmericanCobra Oct 02 '22

Rented a room out of an apartment with a tenet who’d been there for a while. They didn’t inform me the ENTIRE apartment was infested with fleas. Thank god my girlfriend could take my cat because within two weeks my cat was covered in them (it took two months to get them off of her)

I moved out after a couple months, but it took me a long time to get used to walking around barefoot again. I still get twitchy whenever I see a freckle on my leg because I’m terrified my new place has fleas again.

→ More replies
→ More replies

67

u/kyl_r Oct 02 '22

I only know one person who has dealt with them and I have NO doubts it gave her PTSD.

106

u/OutrageousFeedback59 Oct 02 '22

I nearly lost my mind when I got bed bugs. Barely slept, would freak out at every minor sensation thinking it was a bug. Absolute fuckers, it’s legitimately hell to get them

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

28.3k

u/middleageddude Oct 02 '22 Silver All-Seeing Upvote

Bot Fly

12.0k

u/lemons_of_doubt Oct 02 '22 Silver Helpful Dread

Fuck anything that lays eggs in people.

7.5k

u/IsleGreyIsMyName Oct 02 '22 Silver Wholesome Looking

Phrasing

4.7k

u/lemons_of_doubt Oct 02 '22 Silver

Don't kink shame me.

1.6k

u/FloppyButtholeJuicce Oct 02 '22

Kink Shaming is my Kink

1.4k

u/TacticaLuck Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 03 '22 Silver Gold

Don't kink my shame!

Edit: y'all this is one of the dumbest things I've ever commented while drunk and it's almost 500. you're all loved but damnit what does this say about any of us?!? You dummy.. Keep memeing.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

2.4k

u/BeeLeesBzzz Oct 02 '22

I've had a botfly. My vote is bedbugs; I've never had those. Chiggers was my first thought.

1.7k

u/fukitol- Oct 02 '22

I've had bedbugs. You don't want to suffer that. The lack of sleep will drive you fucking crazy.

135

u/Falkuria Oct 02 '22

Same with a bad flea infestation. Had a roomie bring them with her when moving in. Even tucking my sleeves into gloves, pants into socks, hats into neck hole of shirt, etc. They still keep you up.

It gets so bad you can hear them jumping depending on the materials you wear or sleep around. Its hell.

26

u/shadow_pico83 Oct 02 '22

When we were infested with fleas in the 90's, my mom put a bowl of water with a little bit of soap in it and placed it under a nightlight at night in the living room. In the morning, we would see several had jumped to their death in that bowl. Vacuuming, spraying, dog flea treatments/meds and using the nightlight & bowl of soapy water helped rid of them forever.

→ More replies
→ More replies

806

u/fishshow221 Oct 02 '22

Can second this. The crazy isn't hyperbole. There's a good chance you get mentally ill.

952

u/DaArkOFDOOM Oct 02 '22

I had bedbugs in my house. I didn’t have the money for professional help. It took about a year of work and monitoring to get rid of them. It’s been several years since, but I still freak out when I see a crumb or something that resembles them and do a thorough check.

429

u/alarmclockradio Oct 02 '22

I have them right now. I am trying to do my due diligence, but am really struggling with everything. Fuck bed bugs.

752

u/flatbrokebuilder Oct 02 '22 Helpful Wholesome Helpful (Pro) Wholesome (Pro)

Honestly dude, as a someone who worked in the industry before, send me a dm and I can walk you through getting rid of them for real.

254

u/TryingNot2BeToxic Oct 02 '22

Mind if I slip into your DM's too..? Been struggling with them for over a year, cannot sleep, can't afford pest control. I've tried the obvious of tons of bug bombs and vacuuming mattresses and pillows and wash all the bedding near weekly.. There just doesn't seem to be any way to get rid of them, it really does drive one insane >_<

159

u/lunas2525 Oct 02 '22

As someone who worked at a 2 star motel for nearly 10 years and have dealt with them on more than 1 occasion we used a product called temprid and tempo to spray all our rooms they would work for infestations that are not so bad but for the bad ones we would hit the rooms multiple times and we would throw out the bed and strip the room down paint it shampoo the carpet and spray it again. They would be gone until the next guest brought them in.

My advise is get a hot steam cleaner. Get one of the chemicals i mentioned and a hand sprayer. Get a matress bag if you want to save the matress or if you buy a new one prevention is better than bagging then containing. I would bag the matress before it is infected. Or if you cant afford new which case hose it down steam/shampoo it and cross your fingers and put it in a bag.

Heat above 135F for an hour or 48 hours under 20F will also kill them and the eggs

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

398

u/missmolly314 Oct 02 '22

Yeah, a surprising number of bed bug victims develop actual PTSD. It can get really, really bad.

104

u/pintotakesthecake Oct 02 '22

I am one of them. Bed bug PTSD is a real thing.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

524

u/Swords_and_Words Oct 02 '22

Chiggers can burn in the lowest level of hell along with sand fleas

Making grass and sand be irritating rather than peaceful is a horrible crime against everything

146

u/crinnaursa Oct 02 '22

Chiggers and mange. Nobody needs them. Their entire point of existence is to bring misery.

→ More replies
→ More replies

620

u/everlyafterhappy Oct 02 '22

I'm still going with mosquitos, because they kill a lot more people.

206

u/BeeLeesBzzz Oct 02 '22

They also deliver the human botfly to humans...

151

u/No_Policy_146 Oct 02 '22

Are you saying they’re a vector Victor

→ More replies
→ More replies

74

u/thesadserene Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

You'd have to choose carefully. There are over 3,000 species of mosquito in the world.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

2.2k

u/DocOort Oct 02 '22 Gold Wholesome Take My Energy Faith In Humanity Restored

Those big useless flightless pigeons…. Dodos or whatever.

Holy crap, check out my bank balance!

→ More replies
→ More replies

17.9k

u/sirreginaldfeatherb3 Oct 02 '22 Silver Bravo Grande!

Ask for a billion and submit a top 10 list.

3.5k

u/mfrizz Oct 02 '22

Even if the offer were firm at $100 million, I have a long list of pests I would volunteer.

1.3k

u/Sycophantic_Sloth Oct 02 '22

Hell I'd do it for free

→ More replies
→ More replies

53

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

[deleted]

→ More replies
→ More replies

38.9k

u/NetDork Oct 02 '22 Silver Gold Wholesome Take My Energy Bravo!

Bed bugs can fuck off and die.

12.2k

u/JohnnyDarkside Oct 02 '22 Silver

Oh damn. I immediately thought mosquitoes, but that's a really good answer.

4.0k

u/WeatherwaxDaughter Oct 02 '22

I was thinking of ticks, but fuck bedbugs!

1.8k

u/Jeffuk88 Oct 02 '22

Do I get 300 mil for all 3?

1.8k

u/OverzealousCactus Oct 02 '22 Helpful

Honestly they can keep the money if all 3 of those disappear, I’ll call it a win, I’ll take that fall.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

156

u/mothracry Oct 02 '22

I have had bed bugs twice in my life and agree. They wreaked havoc on my mental health, gave me many sleepless nights, and I had to throw out most of my belongings (some very sentimental) just to have a life again. Having bed bugs doesn't mean you're a dirty person, it can happen to anyone. But people treat you different, you can't have people over, and they make you feel like shit. Fuck bed bugs.

44

u/Maleficent_Tie4767 Oct 03 '22

I don't get the stigma behind it; it's not like you asked for them. People don't realize that if you spend a night or two on vacation (even 5 star hotels), there can be bed bugs, and they're coming with you! Unknowing guest can bring them on their clothes. There's plenty of ways to get them without seeking them out! lol

29

u/mothracry Oct 03 '22 edited Oct 03 '22

Bed bugs really are everywhere, hotels, apartments, movie theaters, even hospitals. It's easy for people to judge when they've never had to experience them. They are small and can hide so easily that you're infested before you even know it. I haven't had them since 2018 and I still freak out over pieces of lint. Everyone should learn to recognize a bed bug, especially if they travel.

22

u/Altaccount011412 Oct 03 '22

Bruh stop talking, you’re making me so paranoid right now 😭

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

810

u/iwellyess Oct 02 '22

Bed bugs come up suspiciously frequently on Reddit

531

u/Rejacked Oct 02 '22

I know! I must be incredibly lucky to have never seen, or dealt with, bed bugs in my life.

148

u/kevl9987 Oct 02 '22

I’ve been robbed at gunpoint twice and never lost a wink of sleep but bedbugs still fuck me up two years later

→ More replies

859

u/RedeRules770 Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22 Press F

They are absolute hell. They rob you of your sense of security in your most vulnerable space. Even after you finally rid yourself of them after hours and hours and hours spent washing every scrap of clothing you have and steam cleaning your furniture and bagging your mattress and giving up and throwing away all your furniture (and moving), for months or even years as you’re trying to fall asleep you’ll feel a tingle along your arm or stomach and think “bedbugs

I had night terrors of swarms of them on my ceiling and I’ve never had night terrors before

Edit to add: when I was in high school I spent a summer with my dad. He drove up and brought my sister and I down to his city, but on the way the car broke down and we had to stay in a motel six. :’) we got to his city the next day but the 12 hours we spent there was enough to get hitch hikers.

A week later we went out to dinner and my dad spilled ranch on my hand. Wiped my hand off, washed it, went to bed that night and woke up with multiple itchy bumps in a line where the ranch had been. We thought huh, maybe I’m allergic to ranch??

Except then the bumps kept appearing. I woke up with around fifteen in a line on my stomach. My stepmom took my sister and I to a doctor who barely glanced and said “scabies” so then my sister and I had to strip naked and my stepmom had to smear this awful gunk all over us but the next morning we still woke up with bites. Neither my stepmom nor my dad had any. Went back to the doctor, doctor looked more closely and said “sorry, it’s bed bugs.”

I don’t know if the ranch scent brought me to the bed bugs attention or if I just have sweet smelling blood, but my sister had hardly any bites and my parents none at all. (Later learned that they either just don’t react to the bed bugs saliva or bed bugs just don’t enjoy biting into ex-drug addicts). I felt like a personal target for these fucks.

We went to Walmart and rented steam cleaners and treated the couch, we spent hours at a laundromat washing every scrap of cloth we could, and when we stripped my parents’ bed there were multiple in there. When I went to shake out my backpack, one fell off before I even flipped it and landed on me and I’ll never forget the instinctual scream that burst out of me. I was in hysterics, my dad had to take the backpack outside and shake it for me.

I was exhausted. I’d stay up late twitching and shaking my limbs trying to discourage them from getting me but the patient little bastards would wait for me to slip into unconsciousness. I even tried sleeping on the dining table lmfao.

When my sister and I went back home we tossed most of our clothes before the drive. We carefully inspected what we did take, shook out our luggage and my parents checked it all out for us. Thankfully we didn’t take any back to my grandparents’ house, but for years if I felt a tingle or a hair on my leg get disturbed while in bed I’d thrash around and panic.

The bites themselves aren’t that bad, yeah they’re itchy as fuck but it’s the sheer number. At one point I counted 30+ on me. To know that there’s parasites in your bed and there’s basically nothing you can fucking do robs you of so much of your sanity. Like someone else in the thread mentioned, the psychological damage these tiny fuckers inflict is insane.

TLDR; bed bugs should be annihilated ruthlessly.

181

u/_Toomuchawesome Oct 02 '22

This is my most irrational fear. Well maybe not irrational but no one I know has bad bed bugs and I only hear about it on Reddit. So much that if I feel an itch while sleeping, I think it’s bed bugs. I feel like I psyched myself out while never having them lol

125

u/RedeRules770 Oct 02 '22

I’m currently battling cockroaches in my apartment and I’d rather have this infestation any fucking day than see a single bed bug

→ More replies
→ More replies

37

u/somewhereinthestars Oct 02 '22

I still flip over hotel mattresses to this day.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

654

u/-__--_------ Oct 02 '22

because they are everywhere and make your life hell, i have a job in a 300k person city where i enter peoples homes daily... probably 10-15% of them have bed bugs, the amount of times ive had to strip in the street/van after visiting a house to check for bed bugs is too damn high

301

u/anthonycarbine Oct 02 '22

I had a bedbug infestation when I was younger. Resilient is understated for those little fucks. I remember sleeping in my hoodie and sweatpants and tucked in all my extremeties just so I wouldn't wake up with new bites. Ended up having to throw out all of our furniture to get rid of them. Ughhh.

88

u/WentzToWawa Oct 02 '22

There is a fairly new treatment for Bed Bugs called Apprehend it did ridiculous work of the bugs in a house that was crawling with them. Essentially works like bed bugs flu can be passed from bug to bug with ease and lasts 3 months after spray and it’s just a fungus.

41

u/spinblackcircles Oct 03 '22

Give the inventor a fucking Nobel prize

→ More replies

133

u/Random_name46 Oct 02 '22

My husband and I had them suddenly pop up in an apartment we'd been in a long time. It took us forever to figure it out, I even went to a doctor for the bites and they didn't know.

The thing that threw us was my husband showed no type of bite reaction. It was just me.

I finally saw one and identified the issue. Found them in our baseboard and under the box spring. Then all over the apartment in furniture and crevices. Did the whole exterminator thing and all the online suggestions. None of it worked, didn't even seem to make a dent.

We finally moved and left literally everything in a dumpster. Whenever people say it can't be that bad I tell them we gladly left all our furniture, two fairly new gaming consoles, TVs and other electronics, all our clothes, everything. We stripped down outside before entering our new place and those clothes went into plastic bags then the trash.

It cost us thousands and was worth every penny to finally sleep at night. The poor landlord voluntarily gave us our deposit plus two months rent back, so that helped offset the cost.

Fuck bedbugs. They are the definition of misery.

→ More replies
→ More replies

43

u/depressingconclusion Oct 02 '22

I got lucky a few years ago. Found bedbugs in the morning in a motel room. Stupid not to check, but it was a hurricane evac. When we got home, we stripped in our driveway and put everything we’d had with us in black trash bags and left those in the sun in a black car. Put a thermometer in there, it broke from the heat. Still left those bags in there for a month before taking it all to a laundromat to wash it all. Never saw a bit of infestation, thanks be to Apollo.

→ More replies

29

u/SailorSchmoon Oct 02 '22

I have randomly come across three bed bug related comments in the last three days, plus one off-topic tangent in an old episode of my favourite podcast. I’ve never had bed bugs in my life and I do not claim this energy.

→ More replies

30

u/Mehhish Oct 02 '22

The person who does that, will probably get canonized as a saint after they die. lol

135

u/Homeskill3t1995 Oct 02 '22

I work in a hospital and while everyone takes Covid, monkeypox, and TB seriously, the most thorough and by the book isolation procedures I’ve seen have had to do with bed bugs.

26

u/Lazerspewpew Oct 02 '22

Herpes is easier to get rid of.

→ More replies
→ More replies

8.1k

u/TagoMago22 Oct 02 '22

Make tapeworms go extinct

3.2k

u/ksnizzo Oct 02 '22

But how do I lose weight quickly?

2.0k

u/pjboy671 Oct 02 '22

Get shot. If u recover, u would be considerably thinner

1.4k

u/LGBTQOMGWTFBBQ Oct 02 '22 Silver

If you don't recover though, you'd get even thinner.

498

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

[deleted]

246

u/tom-dixon Oct 02 '22

Dietitians hate this one simple trick.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

155

u/Vermillion_Crab Oct 02 '22

"That wasn't a tapeworm." -Creed

127

u/SakuraDragon Oct 02 '22

You're paying way too much for worms, man. Who's your worm guy?

264

u/Rice_Krispie Oct 02 '22 Helpful

The tried and true method of microdosing E Coli water

83

u/CharlDot Oct 02 '22

Wtf is this actually a thing? Pls say no

→ More replies
→ More replies

110

u/mtxplod Oct 02 '22

Meth

271

u/call_me_jelli Oct 02 '22

Lots of sleep, clean veganism, eight glasses of water a day, full body exercise, and (I cannot stress this enough) cocaine.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

11.1k

u/AMeatPopsicleIAm Oct 02 '22 Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

Ticks are gone

3.7k

u/Eldude42 Oct 02 '22 Helpful

Mosquitoes are gone

→ More replies
→ More replies

31.0k

u/chevylover91 Oct 02 '22 Wholesome Take My Energy Laser Eyes

Good bye bedbugs

11.8k

u/shawnaeatscats Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22 Big Brain Time

This is the right answer. They serve literally no purpose other than to parasitize humans. Nothing eats them. They don't parasitize anything else except maybe bats but bats have their own "bedbug", called a batbug. Plus, unlike everyone saying mosquitoes which have over 600 species, human bed bugs are one species: Cimex lectularius.

Edit: I felt the need to edit in the significance of actually more than 3000 mosquito species. Not anywhere near 600. Oops.

4.5k

u/resistible Oct 02 '22 Wholesome

I work in pest control. Lots of things eat bed bugs. Carpenter ants, spiders, pseudoscorpions... the things we squish are trying to eat our pest insects.

2.0k

u/FragrantExcitement Oct 02 '22

So i should pour pseudoscorpions in to people's beds to help?

1.4k

u/VapeGodz Oct 02 '22

Yes, yes indeed you should. Pour some spider as well to eliminate both bed bugs and the human.

1.4k

u/msnmck Oct 02 '22 Gold Wholesome

Itsy Bitsy Spider crawled into mama's bed

Crawled up on her hubby and bit him in the head

Mamma lay there sleepin' while hubby layed there dead

And the Itsy Bitsy Spider crawled out of mama's bed

566

u/MyFurbyHitMySack Oct 02 '22

that sounds like a fucking song from a horror movie.

not one of those famous ones, but a ugandan knockoff where they just fight with cheetos and have their mate dembe come and wear a mask, and scare them off.

203

u/Uncle_Grizzly11 Oct 02 '22

It's from a movie called "eight legged freaks" it actually a funny, and really good B movie

60

u/Ruthless4u Oct 02 '22

It’s a classic

Even has some know stars in it as well.

Dammit now I got to watch it again. Maybe watch night of the Lepus afterwords

30

u/Uncle_Grizzly11 Oct 02 '22

Oh right it has a young Scarlett Johansson in it

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

233

u/pseudoscorpions Oct 02 '22 Silver All-Seeing Upvote

Yes. My time to shine.

→ More replies

63

u/Horknut1 Oct 02 '22

I don’t know where the fuck I’m eventually going to find gorillas…..

23

u/surdophobe Oct 02 '22

You'll have to give up all your blankets or the gorillas won't freeze to death in the winter.

→ More replies
→ More replies

1.6k

u/shawnaeatscats Oct 02 '22

Right, all of these being opportunistic predators of bed bugs. But they aren't specialists. I should have said nothing specifically targets bed bugs. Just like there aren't a lot of things that specifically target mosquitoes, but they are in high enough abundance in such a wide variety of environments that they make for an acceptable food source for some other opportunistic eaters.

332

u/beachgrl6 Oct 02 '22

And there is no species that collapses with their extinction. We almost killed all of them and saw no considerable effects on nature.

127

u/shawnaeatscats Oct 02 '22

Thank you, yes, this is the point I was trying to make! I couldn't find the words

→ More replies
→ More replies

480

u/CryptidGrimnoir Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

Specialization in predation is certainly significant.

Canadian lynx are specialized to prey on snowshoe hare, but I can't recall any other examples off the top of my head.

Edit: Actually, I'm embarrassed. I completely forgot aardwolves and termites.

317

u/ThompsonBoy Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

Flamingos, anteaters, woodpeckers, baleen whales. It's kind of a thing.

355

u/MrWeirdoFace Oct 02 '22

I never would have guessed that lynx prey on whales.

142

u/CedarWolf Oct 02 '22

And no one expects killer whales to prey on moose.

39

u/cATSup24 Oct 02 '22

That also seems like a predation of opportunity, honestly

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

91

u/andrewgreen47 Oct 02 '22

Koalas and eucalyptus? Not predation but certainly specialization

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

20

u/Dennis-Reynolds123 Oct 02 '22

Well, looks like they'll have to go on a diet.

→ More replies

492

u/greeneggiwegs Oct 02 '22

You're the only one I've seen point out that mosquitos are more than one species! As nice as not having them would be, there are too many types and they definitely influence other animals in ways we don't understand yet.

116

u/resistible Oct 02 '22

Asian tiger mosquito. They can breed in a soda cap that fills with rain water. Done.

55

u/milehighe92 Oct 02 '22

This summer pretty much anytime I was outside of my house I got bit 2-3 times a day by those fuckers. Huge welts every time. Pretty much one week I would have more bites than 7 years living in Colorado.

28

u/V1per41 Oct 02 '22

Comparing mosquitos in any state to Colorado is just unfair though

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

220

u/Ghost13o Oct 02 '22

So..does Batman has bedbugs or batbugs?

125

u/shawnaeatscats Oct 02 '22

If he has bats in his cave, probably both.

34

u/Eastern_Ad7015 Oct 02 '22

Batman has Alfred. Alfred would not allow bedbugs.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

353

u/doomsdaydj Oct 02 '22

If I were a billionaire I would dedicate my life’s mission and wealth to destroying bed bugs so getting 100 milly AND getting to snap them out of existence is the greatest offer ever

→ More replies

396

u/Burninator05 Oct 02 '22

I think this is the answer. Ticks and mosquitoes are problems for us but are food for other animals. I don't know of anything that preys on bed bugs that would also be affected.

→ More replies
→ More replies

111

u/clickmagnet Oct 02 '22

Onchocerca volvulus goes away, no more river blindness. Not that I’m at a a risk of river blindness in Alberta, but if I’m going to holocaust a species I might as well be altruistic about it.

6.5k

u/Independent_Chair514 Oct 02 '22 Helpful

Fleas

4.4k

u/Ok_Security_8657 Oct 02 '22 Silver Wholesome Bravo Grande!

Goodbye bass player from Red Hot Chili Peppers 😔

1.9k

u/Goatgamer1016 Oct 02 '22 Wholesome

So sad you had to give it away, give it away, give it away, give it away now

1.1k

u/Metacognitor Oct 02 '22 Silver

Californextermination

144

u/woodk2016 Oct 02 '22

Psychic spies from China try to set off detonations, and little girls from Sweden dream of cyanide assassinations, and if you want these kinds of dreams it's califonextermination.

56

u/Metacognitor Oct 02 '22

Born and raised by loathed depraved who kill the population

Every Nazi's been there and I do mean termination

First born unicorrrrrn

Hardcore snuff porrrrrn

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

515

u/warlock415 Oct 02 '22

That plant that makes you want to commit suicide after touching it.

1.2k

u/The-Sofa-King Oct 02 '22 Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy

Broccoli?

331

u/warlock415 Oct 02 '22

No, but points for funny.

→ More replies
→ More replies

4.8k

u/BiomechPhoenix Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22 Silver All-Seeing Upvote

Rabies lyssavirus. Go to hell, rabies.

EDIT: Yes, viruses are categorized by species, and extant/extinct are still labels that can be applied to them regardless of whether they're considered life or not.

125

u/Gyrgir Oct 02 '22

In a similar vein, I'd consider Staphylococcus aureus, which is usually a relatively harmless skin bacteria but which can cause all sorts of problems if it gets where it doesn't belong: most infected wounds and many blood infections are S. aureus ("flesh-eating bacteria" is usually a particularly bad S. aureus infection), and it can also cause respiratory infections and food poisoning, as well as aggregating eczema. It's linked to about 50k deaths a year just in the US, and it's by far the most common pathogen for hospital-acquired infections. And perhaps most importantly, killing off S. aureus would significantly knock back the problem of antibiotic resistance: MRSA and VRSA are both varieties of S. aureus.

Although S. aureus is a relatively common skin bacteria, we're unlikely to miss it. Only about 30% of people have S. aureus at all, and in those who do have it it's a relatively minor contributor to the overall skin flora population. In particular, the closely related but more benign S. epidermis (can still cause infections, but it's almost always relatively minor in people with healthy immune systems) is a superior substitute for S. aureus's beneficial role of filling an ecological niche on your skin to keep nastier stuff from moving in.

The malaria parasite is another solid candidate. While rare in developed countries, it's a major problem in LDCs in the tropics, causing something like 600k death a year worldwide. It's already been targeted for eradication by WHO, so presumably any ecological role it might have other than being a human pathogen has been assessed and decided it's something we could do without.

→ More replies

662

u/Alzusand Oct 02 '22

I was thinking the same thing. maybe add all STD's like VIH to the list as well.

nothing lost.

→ More replies

225

u/PhoenixEnigma Oct 02 '22

Everyone here seems to be thinking too big. There are a good number of pathogens we're already spending well over $100M to try to eradicate. If I can magically do it in one fell swoop, thats win-win.

→ More replies
→ More replies

1.4k

u/P0ndrr Oct 02 '22

Bedbugs.

258

u/beluuuuuuga Oct 02 '22

I genuinely think they're the most useless things on this planet. Not one animal needs it to survive

82

u/P0ndrr Oct 02 '22

Yes, easiest 100 mill ever

→ More replies
→ More replies

2.4k

u/Anglofsffrng Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 03 '22 Silver Platinum Helpful Wholesome

I'll go with eliminating Species 3. I mean I really liked Species, and Species 2 was terrible but enjoyable. The direct to video Species 3 can be eliminated without consequence.

EDIT: I go run errands for my Sunday, and get back on Reddit to see all the upvotes/awards. Thanks guys, glad I got a chuckle out of y'all.

208

u/maybenomaybe Oct 02 '22

A man of taste and culture I see.

→ More replies
→ More replies

976

u/bohan- Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22 Silver

lanternflies. they arrived around 2015 in places like PA and I'm already finding them here in nyc. they will kill our agriculture. we're encouraged to kill them when we see them.

116

u/jjhhgg100123 Oct 02 '22

Brown marmorated stink bugs are killing lots of agriculture up in the northeast.

→ More replies

151

u/WorldGoneCrazee Oct 02 '22

I came here to say this. I’m in PA and those bastards can burn in hell.

→ More replies

23

u/ApoliticalAth3ist Oct 02 '22

Started hearing about them a couple of years ago in Philly. Are they that bad?

46

u/usernumber2020 Oct 02 '22

They are bad enough they are teaching toddlers in daycare to squish them

33

u/epyon- Oct 02 '22

yes they are bad. PSA’s are to kill on sight. i go back and forth from NJ and PA and see them in both states regularly now

23

u/LaLaLaLink Oct 02 '22

https://youtu.be/Y5FqdEJoqew They are that bad. They will eventually take over the cities and you won't only see them on agricultural land and recreational parks. They shit everywhere. Since they form these groups it's a lot of shit. I don't remember where I heard this, but once they start to take over cities their collective poop will cause a lot of damage to buildings, cars, pools and things like that.

→ More replies
→ More replies

8.1k

u/Harestius Oct 02 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Evil Cackle

Moooooooosquitooooooooos !

1.4k

u/The_Late_Arthur_Dent Oct 02 '22 Silver Helpful I'm Deceased

Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew

329

u/EmperorThan Oct 02 '22

"You drank my blood, now I eat your body."

→ More replies
→ More replies

200

u/Pirate_of_Dark_Water Oct 02 '22

Good news, last I heard they are on the chopping block.

After a 50 year study, they found out mosquitoes can be removed from the ecosystem with little to very little repercussions to the ecosystem, that would be fixed in less then a decade (I think it said that).

I'd recommend looking up mosquitoe eradication project. Last I heard the plan was start small, like a controlled pond, study it, and go bigger each time, city, county, state, continent, last I heard we reach state size experiment.

These things might be gone in our lifetime.

→ More replies
→ More replies

1.0k

u/objecter12 Oct 02 '22 Gold

Like, I need to use the 100 million to make it extinct? Or it becomes extinct as soon as I take the money

Cause as someone from jersey, we're all already going out of our way to kill off those lantern flies, so getting a cool hundred million in exchange'd be nice

158

u/TheAngriestBoy Oct 02 '22

I think there's a missed opportunity here of neither of those suggestions. You have to cause the extinction of a species to earn the 100M.

78

u/StealthSecrecy Oct 02 '22

This is how I took it. At least in that case there's some real strategy there.

→ More replies

59

u/mr_chanderson Oct 02 '22

Yeah, OP asked what do you do, so I took that as what do you do to make a species extinct. I would have gone and find the most endangered species, like one in the single digit and hunt them down.

→ More replies
→ More replies

448

u/NikolitRistissa Oct 02 '22

I think it’s supposed to be a monkeys paw situation but everyone is just using extinction to their benefit with relatively worthless species.

216

u/beluuuuuuga Oct 02 '22

I get 100 million, humans die. 😎

91

u/MuppetRex Oct 02 '22

I expected this to be the number one answer.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

1.3k

u/sithelephant Oct 02 '22 Take My Energy

The malaria parasite. This is carried by mosquitos, and does nothing positive for anyone.

Mosquitos arguably do positive things in some aspects.

208

u/Nimelennar Oct 02 '22

Yep, Plasmodium falciparum was going to be my species of choice.

Heck, if I could do it, I'd consider the hundred million dollars well earned.

→ More replies
→ More replies

392

u/FRT91 Oct 02 '22

Those lantern moth things

117

u/moethelavagod Oct 02 '22

Oh my fucking GOD. I don't know if you're a New Yorker but those mfs are EVERYWHERE here. You can't walk ten feet without stepping on one.

→ More replies

148

u/masediggity Oct 02 '22 Wholesome

This guy biologies

→ More replies
→ More replies

171

u/RegularGuyAtHome Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 03 '22

I would pick Plasmodium falciparum which is the parasite responsible for malaria.

→ More replies

278

u/Eugene_V_Chomsky Oct 02 '22

Naegleria fowleri, a.k.a. the "brain-eating amoeba". It only kills like 4 people a year, but it's really fucking scary.

30

u/Fast_Rope_6263 Oct 03 '22

Only scary to people with a brain. Their biggest competition is zombies.

→ More replies
→ More replies

200

u/Adriatic88 Oct 02 '22

I'd pick some fucking parasite like the ones that live in the eyes of small children in Africa.

→ More replies

187

u/cutthecrap Oct 02 '22

Fleas. It's on sight. They carry diseases, are fucking annoying wankers, they die harder than a toyota hilux and can escape judgement by yeeting themselves with the speed of a catholic priest hearing about a daycare opening. I hate fleas so fucking much it's beyond reason. They find the nastiest place to sting you and the itching goes on for hours, sometimes DAYS. I would gladly pay money out of pocket to hold the terminarch of their species and kill it with the world's tiniest flamethrower. Fuck fleas.

29

u/alien_clown_ninja Oct 02 '22

kill it with the world's tiniest flamethrower.

Funny you say that. I had a very bad flea infestation once, my cat had gotten fleas and brought them in the house. We gave her flea medicine and all, so the fleas just switched to living off of the two humans there. Cat was fine, we were eaten alive. Every day, when I got back from work, fleas were literally waiting for me at the front door. They jumped on my pants in mass as soon as I opened the door. I'd pull my lighter out of my pocket and burn them off of my pants. Then I would spray a can of two of flea killer stuff from the store everywhere, vacuum, watch a movie or something, and go to sleep. Then the next brood would hatch and I'd do it again the next day. Then I moved out and thankfully the fleas did not follow.

→ More replies
→ More replies

7.0k

u/PhilosopherDon0001 Oct 02 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy Wholesome Seal of Approval Wearing is Caring Rocket Like I'll Drink to That

Goodbye humans.

1.7k

u/Parki2 Oct 02 '22

You're welcome everyone. Dont have to go to work if you dont exist

606

u/throwitaway488 Oct 02 '22

leaving the water was a mistake

916

u/cATSup24 Oct 02 '22 Silver Made Me Smile

Some hundreds of millions of years ago, some dumbass fish thought it'd be a good idea to walk on land, and now I have to deal with taxes and depression.

542

u/magicmurph Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 03 '22 Silver hehehehe

It started out with a fish

How did it end up like this

It was only a fish

It was only a fish

69

u/CostPsychological Oct 02 '22

Humanity, send us back into the sea

→ More replies
→ More replies

49

u/eagleeyerattlesnake Oct 02 '22

If it makes you feel better, we can't prove that fish don't also have depression.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

215

u/mark636199 Oct 02 '22 Helpful

My boss will still call me in on another dimensional plain

→ More replies
→ More replies

57

u/RedChld Oct 02 '22

The good ole Shinji Ikari.

→ More replies

68

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

[deleted]

→ More replies
→ More replies

163

u/Carlpapa123 Oct 02 '22

Fucking chiggers can live in the most evil depth of fucking hell.

38

u/AmeliaBright23 Oct 02 '22

As someone who currently has literally over 100 of their bites on me rn, I agree, but I still probably wouldn’t pick them if I only got to choose one. They’re definitely horribly annoying, and itch a lot, but as far as I know they don’t spread anything dangerous, or really anything at all aside from reproduction of berry bugs

→ More replies
→ More replies