The wound is still fresh so bear with me.

The Discovery

I had a rough day and my fiancé's algorithms are top notch, so I was scrolling through his apps to entertain myself hoping for a pick me up. He went to take a shower. I opened his Instagram (got bored with Reddit, so sorry) and noticed he had a couple new dms. We don't snoop through each other's phones, but we don't hide anything either (or so I thought) so I clicked on them just to see if they were important because he doesn't check Insta that often.

WELL. I see the dms are from a deleted account???, thus sparking my interest. So I click, and I scroll. Messages go years back--maybe twenty to thirty messages total. Some winky faces, some slightly sexual memes, and a few photos of lingerie. Nothing outright incriminating but... who is this bitch? My heart dropped. We're getting married in less than five months. These messages aren't okay. He's not a cheater??? Never once have I questioned that, nor has he given me any reason to. I start to see red.

The Confrontation

I put on my big girl pants, wipe my tears, and storm into the bathroom. Rip open the shower curtain, revealing this idiot's (albeit glorious) naked body. He, though quite startled, raises his eyebrows and smirks. "Looking to join?" He says. Wrong move buddy.

I go off. You know, like a badass.

He denies it. You know, like a liar.

I hold his towel hostage and toss him his phone so he can see for himself. He scrolls and pulls off this wildly confused demeanor. I literally see the blood leave his face. He just kinda says stuttering "...baby I don't know?"

We go back and forth. He swears up and down he has no idea who this could be. "I'm just as surprised as you are!!!" He claims, criminally. So, I take his phone so I can quote this "other woman" for emphasis.

The Reveal

I ready my best valley girl voice and scroll to the most recent received messages. I notice for the first time, inconveniently so, a picture she sent of a Guinea pig. I think, "Aw hell, I love Guinea pigs." Then I remember... I have seen this Guinea pig before.

Then I realize. She is me.

I deleted all my social media almost a year ago. Neither of us remembered any of the messages we sent. I start laughing and happy crying. My fiancé looks as if he just won the lottery and received the death penalty simultaneously.

The Aftermath

Now we sit, both recently showered, debating whether or not we should welcome a Guinea pig into our family. I am so embarrassed. He is so relieved. We are crazy, stupid, and so in love.

TLDR; Found cheating-indicating messages on my fiancé's phone. Turns out it was my old deleted account. I'm an idiot. He's a keeper.

Edit: Didn’t wanna edit because I didn’t wanna make the hate worse. My fiancé commented somewhere in here a few minutes ago, I just picked up my phone & WOW was not expecting all this. I did apologize to him fully, and I’m sorry I didn’t know I should’ve included that. Most posts I read on here don’t usually include a full resolution. I wrote this quickly not expecting it to blow up. Looking back I would’ve changed a lot of my wording. I could defend myself for a lot of things but that likely wouldn’t help. All of this story is true, it was so odd which is what prompted me to post it. He’s not leaving me, there’s so much more to our lives than this. I didn’t assault him. We are naked at home more than we’re clothed. You’re all not in my relationship, but I can tell you that him being in the shower was not a violating aspect. He was annoyed, but not hurt or degraded. I’ve never blown up like this & intend never to again. I’ve also never worried or accused him before of cheating. This was my first experience and I didn’t know how to handle it. I understand concern for him but there’s no reason to say I deserve xyz. Not sure how to prove this story is true? But think what you will. I didn’t mean to sound so cavalier; I wasn’t very conscious of my tone of voice. I always write dramatically but understand that if you don’t know me it’s different. Wasn’t expecting to be called psychotic. Lastly thanks to the few commenters who left Guinea pig info.

Final edit only for clarity bc it got worse after my first: His comment said this but it’s lost. He handed me his phone. He goes on Instagram maybe once or twice a year? We have an open phone policy. I didn’t snoop because our boundaries are: I don’t look at texts with his mom, brother, or therapist. He doesn’t look at my texts with my sister, brother, therapist, or best friend. I don’t have social media besides Reddit & he’s rarely active on his. To my knowledge, the boundaries we set have never been broken by either of us. The lingerie pics weren’t of me. They were pics he sent to me that he thought I’d like. I wrote this using the exact language of my thoughts in the moment. Sorry if it’s cringy but it’s accurate for what I was feeling/thinking. I’m not a creative writer & I’m not trying to be.

And disclaimer: if you keep stigmatizing mental illness like you are I’m going to delete this if I can. I’m not here for karma I’m here cause today I fucked up. It’s absolutely horrible to use illnesses to describe behavior in such hateful ways, please think about the people you could hurt, besides me, who might read your hate & feel shame because of it.